Saturday, January 27, 2007

Ask Josh The Pilot: Proposal FAQs, Groom-to-be Edition, Part 3

red pill junkie said...

WHEN (not IF mind you) MB becomes a multi-million dollar writer, which is the name you're going to give to your private plane? and are you planning on flying it wearing a black vest with a huge hairy dog as co-pilot?

What song are you planning to choose for your "first dance" at the wedding?

Thanks for the vote of confidence, RPJ! You’ve discovered the true reason we’re getting married: She’s going to pay off my massive student loans with her lucrative book deals, and I’ll be providing her federal health insurance benefits. No, to be perfectly honest, I’ll still be happy being married to her even if she never sells another book after Drink to the Lasses.

The name of our private jet is still up for discussion. “Blonde Champagne One” might be cool, but not very imaginative. “Tink” would be great, but we might run into copyright issues with The Rat. I’ve also thought of “The Glitter Flyer”, but we’ll see. Perhaps we’ll have a Name! That! Airplane! contest on here similar to the Name! That! Fetus! competition we had before Will The Baby Nephew was born.

When I’m flying the jet, I’ll wear whatever MB wants me to wear, as long as it’s not a Chippendales costume, but I don’t have to worry about that because I know she won’t do that to me, which is why I’m marrying her. As for the dog, it will be huge, but not hairy. I like short-hair dogs, not long-haired, shaggy ones. Sorry, Tim Allen, but we’re going to get a Rhodesian Ridgeback.

Our first dance song is going to be “Come Fly With Me”, as performed by Michael BublĂ©. Originally it was going to be “I Melt”, by Rascal Flatts, but then we discovered the BublĂ© song, so “I Melt” will be our reception closing dance. We’re also going to play “Amazed”, as performed by Lonestar, for an anniversary dance. That is where all the married couples take the floor and then are slowly eliminated by number of anniversaries so that by the end of the song the only couples left are the newlyweds and whoever has been married the longest.

lemming said...

1) What body marks (scars, odd arrangements of moles, random stray hairs) could be used to identify your body if you were brought to an ER unconscious? (Obviously delirious due to love, etc.)

2) What brand of shampoo do you prefer to use, and do you anticipate this changing post-wedding?

I have a small scar between my left eye and temple, the result of a bike accident when I was seven years old. I also have a scar on my left index finger, the result of pure 14-year-old stupidity involving a kitchen knife, but from which I can claim getting a stitch without anesthetic.

I use Suave For Men. Why would this change?

Everybody direct good luck and happy thoughts rays towards Atlanta tonight at:

Friday, January 26, 2007


Don't forget that I have an appearance in Atlanta tomorrow-- 3 PM at Coffee Buy the Book. OMG what should you wear?!

I hope there are pecans.

having matter at:

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Boomerang Birthday Karma

I KNEW I unclenched too soon.

Having taken a week to congratulate itself on conjuring pending homelessness for its thirtieth incarnation, Birthday Karma wound and pitched again. At forty miles an hour.

This time, I actually managed to be a horrible driver while sitting perfectly still. I was at a red light in rush hour traffic when I dimly realized that SCREEEEEEEEEEEEE isn't exactly the best noise to hear coming up behind a person, and suddenly the Pending Bridemobile shuddered and lurched forward into the car ahead.

Guy behind me gets out of the car: "Are you okay? Sorry about that! Totally my fault!" No no! My bad for... just... sitting there at the red light, in your way.

The House of Champagne now sports a slightly sprained wrist and a banged-up bumper. It is official, then: The Birthday Karma has kicked my

deductible at:

Ask Josh The Pilot: Proposal FAQs, Groom-to-be Edition, Part 2

recentlymarried said...

JTP--what is the thing you are most looking forward to about your wedding to MB (besides, of course, the whole taking vows to love one another forever)?
Also, what tasks have you been assigned to? Are you getting your jobs done?

Honestly, the thing I’m most looking forward to about the wedding is it all being over. I am looking forward to being married, not getting married. Yes, weddings are fun and it will be great to see family members and friends all together, but what I’m most looking forward to is being past all the hoopla.

I have been assigned to take care of figuring out the logistics of the wedding weekend. The first order of business was to figure out how to get MB’s stuff from Florida and Ohio to Virginia. MB getting kicked out of her apartment earlier than we thought threw a wrench in my original plan, but I’ve worked it out.

Now I’m working on figuring how to move everyone from wherever they’ll be staying to the church then on to the reception site. As we get firm RSVPs from invitees I’ll know how many people are driving in, and then I’ll know how many cars we have and I’ll start assigning people with cars to be responsible for transporting those who fly in.

Laney said...

Hey JTP! You’re doing a great job filling in. I think I read in an earlier post that you and MB are going to be attending separate churches. Is that right or am I taking crazy pills?

Thanks for the compliment, Laney, but yes, you are taking crazy pills. Attending separate churches would be a quick marriage-killer, and we have no intention of slaughtering our relationship. We will be attending church together, at both a Lutheran and a Catholic church, as we have done the entire time we’ve known each other.

AnnaPink said...

Y'all are so romantic. I got engaged at a Monkees concert. Also, he didn't have a ring. But what the hey? --The heart knows what it wants. Besides, I love the Monkees and have never cared for jewelry! My engagement question little boys dream of their proposal/wedding day too? Or is it just girls?

I won’t presume to speak for other males, but when I was a little boy I never dreamed of my wedding day. Now, as a big boy, and especially after I met MB and knew I wanted to marry her, I often thought about how I would propose, but I still don’t dream about my wedding. As I mentioned above, I’m looking forward to being married, not getting married.

A couple weeks ago I did have a nightmare about getting married. It was a nightmare not because I was getting married, but because I dreamed I was marrying some random girl other than Mary Beth, and Mary Beth was a bridesmaid at this wedding and the whole time she was staring at me and I was staring back at her and apologizing to her because I wanted to marry her, and somewhere in the back of my mind I knew I was actually engaged to her, but for some reason I was marrying this other girl! Thankfully, I woke up right before I said “I do”. I instantly called MB to make sure I really was awake and that it is indeed her who I'm going to marry.

Thanks for the great questions, Readers! The rest of your submissions will be answered tomorrow in Part 3.

still room for a few more inquiries at:

Video of Josh and Mary Beth on the Skysurfer

Here's the promised video of Mary Beth's last moments as a twenty-something.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Ask Josh The Pilot: Proposal FAQs, Groom-to-be Edition, Part 1

Carrie said…

I want the details of the engagement, did you ask for her hand first, how was it done, all the girlie details!

For the girlie details check the FAQs written by MB.

Yes, I did first ask her parents for her hand. When I was driving from Oklahoma to Viriginia last November I stopped in Cincinnati to make The Request. It was a bit weird because I knew they were going to say yes, but I wanted to officially ask anyway. I knew it because I had already talked to her mom about possible wedding rings, and she wouldn’t be discussing wedding rings with me if she didn’t want me to marry her daughter! Even though I knew I already had their implied permission, I wanted to hear her parents, especially her dad, say, “If she says yes, you may marry Mary Beth.”

Anonymous said...

So what were her actual words when you asked her? Was she completely surprised? How did you choose The Ring? How did her family react?

Her actual words when I asked her were, I think, “Yes, of course,” and then she started to cry.

She wasn’t surprised that I asked her to marry me (again, see original proposal FAQs) but she was surprised at the timing. I think she thought I would ask her at Christmas or New Years or even Valentine’s Day, but I didn’t want to wait that long.

I had The Ring custom-made by a jeweler in Oklahoma while I was there for Air Traffic Controller Boot Camp. I searched the big stores in the malls, but everything in my price range looked so cheap and impersonal, definitely not what Mary Beth deserves. Like how we met, I found the jeweler online and visited his shop. I explained that I’d found the most wonderful woman in the world but I couldn’t find a ring in my price range that represents how I feel about her. I told him she wants a sapphire, not a diamond, which impressed him a lot. He told me to come back in three days. Upon my return, he had made what you’ve already seen, a ring that is precisely MB’s style and says exactly how much I love her.

Her family didn’t react any particular way. If anything, they were like, “It’s about time!”

Anonymous2 said...

Hello! I'm curious if MB is going to change her last name when she gets married. Being a writer and all, I thought that maybe she would not. Or perhaps doubling-up the surname?

MB will be changing her legal last name to mine, but since she’s been published (two books and numerous online articles) as Mary Beth Ellis, that will be her writing name.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007


Look at Drink to the Lasses breaking the 100,000 barrier on Amazon! I'm just going to pretend that I'm not 53,138 books behind L.L. Cool J.'s Platinum Workout.

Thanks to all who ordered.

Competent Official Professor UPDATE

ME: Class, I would like you to read this article and discuss it with your groups. Then assess it using the worksheet I have provided you. After that, we will consider your evaluations as a class.

(Five minutes later)

ME: You're talking about everything but the assignment out there. Why isn't anyone working?

STUDENT: You didn't pass out the article.

Last Call for next Ask JTP

I have the next two days off from work, during which I will be compiling the next volume of Ask JTP: Proposal FAQs - Groom Edition, but I haven't received many questions yet. Perhaps y'all are still in shock over the results of Sunday's football games. If it helps, I'm not completely thrilled with the results either.

Tonight, I will post a video on YouTube of Mary Beth and me on the Skysurfer ride at the Daytona Beach Pier. Thanks to Mary Beth's Aunt Jeanne for supplying the birthday cash we used to pay for the ride.

Again, please send in your questions, and feel free to ask whatever you like, even if it's not proposal-related.

Monday, January 22, 2007

"What Did You Get For Number 59?"

Josh The Pilot and I are taking part in Pre-Cana, which is a program set forth by the Catholic Church designed to prevent troubled marriages by making engaged couples sit in a mahogany-intensive room and fill in little ovals with a pencil.

The priest who will marry us gave us a personality test and one bottle of water each, then left us to our fates. As an interchurch couple, we were also to fill in Special Bonus Express Train To Hell Section of ten extra questions.

Some of the agree/disagree questions from the general portion:

"The behavior of my future spouse sometimes frightens me."

"My future spouse's moodiness causes problems."

"I think I will feel uncomfortable being nude in front of my marriage partner."

"I am hoping that marriage will solve some of the major problems in my life."

"I am upset by one or more of my future spouse's hobbies or recreational activities."

"I am wary of some sexual activities my marriage partner may ask of me."

"I think my future spouse spends too much time watching television."

"My future spouse is comfortable with the way I handle organization and order."

A+ at:

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