I Think There's Also Some Sort of Small Animal In There

I finally cleared out the 1.7 billion file folders crammed into my desk. (Oh, we do party, here at the Blonde Bachelorette Pad.) Apparently I have not only saved, but FILED, the following:

-$2 in Burger King gift certificates

-Crumbled bits of what seems to have formerly been a leaf

-Connector cables for the printer I owned two printers ago

-The paraphernalia for claiming a $30 rebate from Circuit City that I totally mailed in five weeks ago, which breaks the laws of physics, time travel, and the US Postal Service, but I'm re-mailing it anyway

-A blank Halloween card featuring cows (no envelope)

-87,000 news stories on how Gary "0 for 4" Stevens was going to win everything not nailed down at the 2003 Breeders' Cup

-Notes for what is clearly some sort of marvelous, world-saving essay. "blades= count, push, 4.9" they say. Also: "grosuintsfl! Remember FED!" Okay. That's a Pulitzer.