tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-56789452024-03-12T19:34:34.510-04:00Blonde ChampagneMB now in convenient book form: www.drinktothelasses.com.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comBlogger1093125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678945.post-71336809392520241042008-02-17T16:01:00.004-05:002008-02-17T16:29:53.369-05:00BackwashThe new BlondeChampagne is now here. We be WordPressin'. Past posts are safely archived, and I'm working on re-forwarding the domain name. I'm leaving this site here under the blogspot title, with a link over at the new platform. Comments to this page will no longer be published, so if you wish to sound off, do carry your air horn to the new cellar.Now scat. Take the Champagne flutes and the Josh The Pilothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04210441486571821331noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678945.post-25723849477770945642008-02-16T18:46:00.003-05:002008-02-16T21:42:48.576-05:00Everybody Into the LifeboatsI don't quite know what's going down here, but BlondeChampagne is slowly dying-- every time I check in, a few more images are gone, a few more commands disabled. Five years of writing and comments might be circling the electronic drain, a thing so winceable I haven't even bothered having a panic attack about it before. But here it is.I'm in the process of backing up the files of the entire blogJosh The Pilothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04210441486571821331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678945.post-57650260363536409302008-02-15T22:42:00.003-05:002008-02-15T23:43:33.586-05:00Not Feeling Like MyselfHello, everyone. This is Not Josh The Pilot. This is, in fact, Mary Beth. Why am I, then, signed in as my husband? Because, sensing that I had placed far too much emphasis on the second half of the name of this site, today I somehow managed to lock myself out of MY OWN BLOG.I'm not entirely sure how it happened, but I was deleting a junk Gmail email account I'd created, and in the process Josh The Pilothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04210441486571821331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678945.post-56624367053749589142008-02-14T01:44:00.000-05:002008-02-15T01:46:16.251-05:00Don't You Wishyou knew me in high school?Me neither.big foam numbers can't hide the shame at: mbe@drinktothelasses.comAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678945.post-4094173687576768442008-02-13T00:29:00.004-05:002008-02-14T13:51:04.774-05:00TranslationI was awake for 22 hours yesterday, and just before I allowed myself drift into a sweet, sweet chadless world, I got a completely awesome idea for a post. I reached over to the pad and pen I keep by my bedside and wrote it down. Are you ready? Ready? This is so hilarious:"Rugnortim. I O, no borbs."I am so glad I was able to share this important insight with you.Rugnortim UPDATE: It's "Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678945.post-28597341829526919922008-02-12T19:35:00.000-05:002008-02-12T21:40:44.386-05:00Best Voting Experience EverI was not looking forward to casting my vote in the Potomac Primaries: Ginger Division. Without getting too political, I'm so disgusted by the choices available, on both sides of the aisle. I saw very little point in voting today, other than to exercise my duty as a citizen of the republic in which I live. However, today was the most wonderful voting experience I've ever had because at my Josh The Pilothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04210441486571821331noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678945.post-38934023256071747522008-02-11T22:49:00.000-05:002008-02-12T08:36:40.175-05:00Body ImageI would like to know exactly when my nephews found it necessary to refer to me and their perfectly lovely mother as fat heifers.Jim The Small Child Nephew was recently discussing my wedding, and he announced that after the ceremony, "Josh picked up Aunt Beth, and she was heavy." She was also having a wicked good mascara day, but he never says anything about that.The King's baby brother, Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678945.post-52272567410250029342008-02-10T00:27:00.000-05:002008-02-10T15:22:06.985-05:00Super Saturday Media Awards1) Most Hilariously Gendered Use of Wall-Sized Colored Maps Award: CNN, which keyed counties that went for Barack Obama in dark blue, and Hillary Clinton's in light blue. Because she's a girl, and the girl should have her states the color of Wet 'n' Wild eyeshadow, Pat Benetar Line.Mike Huckabee's districts were tinted a charming pink. I'm not entirely sure what CNN was trying to say there.2)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678945.post-87863736866366287412008-02-09T11:14:00.000-05:002008-02-09T13:22:31.438-05:00Trying to Find AtlantisOf all the emotions I experience while watching a shuttle launch on television these days, nostalgia is my least favorite. Having seen many up close, standing near enough to the orbiters to have examined their carbon scars, has ruined me. Some reactions will never change--the pride, the jealousy, the anxiety until the boosters drop--but until the fleet stands down I will always ache to explain Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678945.post-28948107568364228002008-02-08T22:27:00.000-05:002008-02-09T11:37:09.430-05:00Jammin' (Albeit, Only on the One)There is a new Site Which Is Awesome 'Acause It Hired me: JamsBio.com. Don't go there yet (psychelink!); we're still in beta. When it's live, I'll let you know that the drywall is all nailed up, at which point I hope you will come say hi and click on stuff. Both New Kids On the Block and "Lucille" are involved, you guys. You have to come. You don't even know!JamsBio is a bloggish site whichAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678945.post-51152715159835973052008-02-07T01:46:00.000-05:002008-02-08T01:57:27.169-05:00I MARRIED A STRANGERToday, in idle conversation--we were discussing, I don't know, raisins--my husband, whom I SLEEP next to, revealed that he is, in fact, one-fourth Canadian.Notthatthere'sanythingwrongwiththat, but isn't this something you should tell a person before you marry her? Shouldn't she be fully apprised of the fact that you may, at any given moment, bust out one quarter of an "eh?" I could have the Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678945.post-9681946136674052412008-02-06T19:27:00.000-05:002008-02-08T01:57:51.844-05:00Official Super Tuesday AnalysisMy keen political science major mind will now dissect for you the precise moment when Governor Mitt Romney fell behind in his quest for the Republican nomination: It happened the second he broke out the enormous freaking foam mitts.Anti-Mormon bigotry... abortion stance... tax policies... whatever. It was all about the mitt.Nationally, Mitt is most famous for his work as the CEO of the 2002 Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678945.post-66003128762199099122008-02-05T11:00:00.000-05:002008-02-06T01:39:33.913-05:00You Stay Super, AmericaOkay, Super Tuesday states-- all I ask of you is to keep things interesting. I don't want to be bored next week. For in order to restore the confidence of the American public in the electoral process, the Commonwealth of Virginia has made me its newest election official.I'll be working at the polls at the Virginia primary on February 12, because I want to plunge myself into my new state and Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678945.post-29080252443887278072008-02-03T22:09:00.001-05:002008-02-05T12:20:28.170-05:00"Take it all in, boys. Just take it all in."As a Bengals fan, I know that a lot can happen after the 2 minute warning in a Super Bowl. So if I were Eli Manning, I would have spent the entire fourth quarter rolled in a little helmet-covered ball beneath the bench, alternating between sobbing and throwing up.I'm sitting in my little office with my husband, watching our first Super Bowl as married people, 24 hours after a serious and Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678945.post-34274672349441375062008-02-01T14:23:00.000-05:002008-02-02T14:29:56.331-05:00Five Years Later...and still waiting for her to come home.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678945.post-75215996669108087052008-02-01T10:41:00.003-05:002008-02-01T10:51:35.048-05:00Welcome Freelance Switch ReadersI must say, in that wide field of articles I've written which are accompanied by a large and angry omnivore, this one is my favorite.This paid-for piece was brought to you by trolls who insisted that I have no business as a paid writer.lemonade at: mbe@drinktothelasses.comAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678945.post-13313514363665502382008-01-31T22:05:00.000-05:002008-01-31T23:31:05.445-05:00Total CrockToday I had an e-stack, and a writing application deadline, and cookies to make, and I still hadn't had my usual self-directed hating time by noon. This called for the Mighty Mighty Crock Pot. In went the chicken, basil, and many oversplashes of white wine. I turned it on, petted my good friend there on the counter, and retreated to my office.When I emerged five hours later, it was to... roomAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678945.post-43094188943342753102008-01-30T22:21:00.000-05:002008-02-10T16:04:51.774-05:00Big BrotherI never particularly wanted a brother, big or otherwise, until I first gained one through Julie The NephewMama's marriage. This went tolerably well, and I then exercised complete veto control over two I gathered last year as I made my own way through the husband selection process. I highly recommend brother-choosing over brother-foisting, if you haven't already exercised this option.My own Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678945.post-44026342799868860202008-01-29T19:05:00.000-05:002008-01-30T12:41:48.093-05:00Sunshine Up YoursIt's a ways to go before Super PoliDork-o-Rama Tuesday, and I'm running out of stomach lining. This is the first election of my lifetime in which an incumbent President or VP isn't on either ticket, and even though my pills and I agreed to step off, I cannot. I'm still holding to my vow to not opinion-hurl in this space, but that doesn't mean I don't have a very serious conversation about Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678945.post-60407714188954009112008-01-28T20:17:00.000-05:002008-02-10T16:02:30.444-05:00The Greater of All WeevilsDespite my maiden surname, I have no British blood, and the closest I've been to England is having gained, via reading many Regency-era novels, the knowledge that one is supposed to refer to the mother of a duke as "Her Grace The Dowager Duchess." At the Kennedy Space Center, we educators used to fight over who got the visitors from England; when arrayed in folding chairs before a scale model ofAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678945.post-54108954535576182562008-01-27T17:24:00.000-05:002008-01-27T17:34:55.246-05:00Following ProceduresIf you or anyone you know were saved by a smoke detector, or are in any way impressed by the moon landing, thank the sacrifice of these three men.It's a little-known story, but you should read it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678945.post-20001840947837325172008-01-26T13:16:00.000-05:002008-01-26T13:17:37.298-05:00Dark Week BeginsTwenty-one years on.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678945.post-23331443021745147632008-01-25T23:08:00.000-05:002008-01-26T16:29:49.093-05:00$285 At The Campus BookstoreSix months after leaving the classroom, I've discovered something new about my former students at the University of Airplanes, and what made them so... them. You see, I was forever begging them to avoid the second person in formal writing... to never, ever, engage in comma abuse... to avoid cliches and any phrase one might hear in a commencement address, particularly any variation of "Since theAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678945.post-34666983258535724252008-01-24T00:59:00.000-05:002008-02-05T12:28:39.716-05:00LicensedI would like someone to explain why I, quite the most unphotogenic person I know, tend to sit for perfectly lovely driver's license pictures. Wedding day? Eye-bags and pimples. Four hours in the DMV? The very morning dew!And I'm not even in a good mood when this happens; I am, as I was recently, just through the state-level bureaucracy wringer. It was two tries to make myself exist here in Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5678945.post-36059218135166992052008-01-23T08:52:00.000-05:002008-01-24T22:49:33.440-05:00Event Re-ReminderThose of you who are planning to join us in Udvar-Hazying this Saturday, please email media@drinktothelasses.com so we know how many cookies and bars of gold to bring.UPDATE: Sorry, but we've had to move the event date to the spring, kids. Thou must wait for the cookies.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com1