Friday, December 14, 2007

O Come, Let Jeff Adore Him

In my first Christmas as a married lady, I struggled for days decorate our new home with a respectful mixture of old traditions and new tackiness. So the ornaments from the year I was born went right next to the great globs of 47 cent tinsel from Wal-Mart.

We have new stockings, which we hung with care by the over the pressed-wood board supported by aluminum brackets. Santa can fill them after he comes in through the fireplace's gas line.

My nativity set is the Precious Moments one from my childhood, constructed a day at a time throughout Advent, Baby Jesus last, so that by Christmas Eve a multitude had gathered to gaze worshipfully at a hunk of bent hay from Frank's Nursery and Crafts. I'm not that patient, so now that I'm in charge of this Bethlehem, everybody showed up at the stable at the same time.

It was startling, however, once I pulled everyone out of their respective Styrofoam cradles; everything was so small. I honestly thought I was missing some of the pieces, and there was another, larger set back at my parents' house somewhere. Wasn't St. Joseph, like, the size of of my head? What was he doing this teeny? It was like revisiting the teacup ride at Disney World after trying to wedge myself into the seat since last sitting there in 1985; women have shrinkage issues too, you see.

St. Nick found his way through the gas line on the 6th, and left Josh The Pilot a Jeff Gordon: Attractive Famous Person DVD, and also Pez. I was fine with this as long as Jeff and his left turns stayed in the living room and out of my office, and kitchen, and living room, and backyard, and car. The next morning, however, I came downstairs to find the following:

Well! Isn't it nice of Jeff Gordon to loom ominously over the Christ Child!

Once more, issues of proportion frighten me enormously here; Jeff Gordon towers over the very trees of Bethlehem, daring them to pass him on the inside. I am assured, however, he brought sponsor-approved gifts of DuPont paint, Nicorette gum, and Pepsi.

merrily on high at:

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Another One From The Pilot

Several of you have asked Mary Beth how to send cards, gifts, and books for autographing. Yes, pretty much all the above can be done online, but it's nice to be old fashioned every once in awhile, isn't it?

We'd like to give you an address. It's especially useful for those of you who would like your copy of Drink To The Lasses autographed. Wait... you say you don't have a copy yet? What is wrong with you?! Hit the ol' button on the side over there and correct that problem right away, please. For those of you who have already purchased a book, we thank you very much, and remember, it makes a great Christmas gift, so buy more copies to send to friends and family! The autograph is free, but when you send your copy, please, please include return postage.

The address is:

Morning Works Media
c/o Mary Beth Ellis
PO Box 3174
Leesburg, VA 20177

Checks for return postage should be made out to Mary Beth Ellis. PayPal is also available. Stamps included in your package is the preferred method. Thank you!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

JTP hits the coffee

I am buried under another eStack, and still feeling a little sick, so for today I've asked JTP to share his recent conversion to coffee drinker status. - MB
Hi, everyone. My name is Josh, and I'm a coffee drinker. Twenty years ago I swore to myself I would never touch the stuff, but now I have a big-boy job with rotating shifts, and I simply can't take the constant switching between day and night shifts without a little help from the bean. I have been chugging energy sodas, but those are getting expensive, and I don't like the thought of what all that carbonation is doing to me.

I've become a regular visitor to the coffepot in the controllers' union break room. I still can't stand the smell or taste of black coffee, so I thoroughly pollute it with creamer and sugar. I basically turn it into sweet ice tea, except it's hot, not cold, and coffee, not tea. I even have my favorite mug, a Jeff Gordon insulated travel cup I got from my parents a little while ago. I had been using it to keep ice tea cold, but now it keeps my coffee warm.

I'm trying to limit myself to one cup a day, usually in the morning to get me going. However, yesterday I had two cups 'cause I was bored at work and needed something to keep from falling asleep. Don't worry, I wasn't controlling airplanes while almost falling asleep. I was bored precisely because I was sitting around not working because there were no senior controllers available to supervise me. That's a whole other story on its own.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007


Many thanks to all for your node-related comments and emails. Life is less swollen today, but hardly more energetic; I was wiped out by a trip to the post office, but that may have more to do with the post office, which unleashes fresh forms of purgatory with each visit, than with any particular life-sapping virus.

I am stunned to have completed Christmas decorating before the fourth week of Advent, and you will be pleased to know that after a move of 500 miles and any number of months in various storage capacities, only one ornament emerged scathed.

The shiny spherical celebration of Notre Dame football. Oh, no, not at all appropriate.

change the date, that's all at:

Monday, December 10, 2007

The Season

This is my post today since I am, as SportsCenter would announce, out with a node. But you-- you go get yourself a cookie.

little lump under the covers at:

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