Thursday, September 13, 2007

Our Lady of the Hideous, Non-Ironic Lawn Decor

Here is a picture of a roadside Marion shrine in Pennsylvania, directly across the street from Ft. Necessity. We drove past it on our honeymoon. Isn't it lovely? I think it's lovely. I think I'll take my Lutheran groom in for a closer look. He'll see we Catholics aren't so batpoop when we say hello to God!

It's a Rosary walk. Let us walk the Rosary walk, and quietly contemplate the sacrifice of our Lord and Savior amongst the tastefully cultivated flowers and trees.

Why, wait a moment. What's that over there by the Glorious Mysteries?


Oh. Oh, no they di'int.THEY DID. A STATUE OF A KNEELING BEAR WAS REVERENTLY PLACED IN THE MIDDLE OF A PRAYER GARDEN, COMPLETE WITH DRAMATIC LIGHTING FOR NIGHT VIEWING, AND PEOPLE, BASIC ISSUES OF PROPORTION AREN'T EVEN ADDRESSED HERE.


Across the lawn, garden gnomes were lining up for Confession and Mass was being said beneath the serene shadow of a large inflatable Frosty the Snowman. I will load these photos right after I finish converting to a church which can express itself in a more tactful manner.

spirit of Vatican II at: mbe@drinktothelasses.com

20 comments:

Starnarcosis said...

I have to wonder what the person who placed this object was thinking. "Yep, I'm going to put a kneeling resin bear in the shrine on Friday to show my devotion to God."

Just don't convert to this church on I-75 north of Cinci. They don't get it either.

Hollee said...

Is the bear doing Yogi?
Ouch, that one hurt. It's early--give me time to come up with something wittier to say.

MB said...

Oh, starnarcosis, we Cincinnatians love us our Big Butter Jesus, recently immortalized by Heywood Banks in "Can't Believe It's Not Jesus." My hometown, ladies and gentlemen.

C said...

LMFAO! Your repartee makes my otherwise mundane mornings a gut-bustin' good time. Kudos 2 u, Mary Beth!

jcat said...

Yikes. And why a bear? Was it on sale? Were all the lion and lamb statues taken?

red pill junkie said...

Saint SMOKEY of the Holy Fire Prevention! AMEN BROTHAS :-)

mike, cross to bear said...

From starnarcosis' link: "The upraised arms familiar to 'praise' service attendees conjures different images for locals, who refer to the big Savior as 'Touchdown Jesus,' or 'Drowning Jesus.'"

Sorry, guys, the first one is taken.


I'll never understand the effort to cute-ify Christianity. But my all-time favorite effort in this regard is still the Jesus Sports Statues (as seen on Conan O'Brien!. They have one for every conceivable kind of sport, including "X-Games" and karate. Jesus Is My Sensei!

(My favorite is still basketball, though. Jesus is playing Keep-Away.)

Starnarcosis said...

You did join the facebook group "I have seen the Big Butter Jesus on I-75", didn't you? lol

Anonymous said...

OK, I am at school on my conference and the teacher next door came to check on me because I was laughing so hard. I will have to check out the Butter Jesus next time I go to Cinci.

red pill junkie said...

Well Mike, for those of us who care not for primitive recreations that take place in the foreign space of the "outdoor" there's THIS:

http://www.pennyarcademerch.com/pat070171.html

theologienne said...

EXSQUEEZE. Let's not be blaming Vatican II for this. How old is that legend about the animals kneeling down on Christmas eve? and who else saw fit to make art about it? Not that I'm saying I agree with the bear.

MB said...

Yes, let's be blaming the rampant abuses of VII for this, because no self-respecting Catholic shrine would ever do something like this in 1952 in a non-nativity setting. You open the liturgical windows, and the bear *&^# flies in, is all I'm sayin'.

Jenn said...

Ooh! Ooh! I have a favourite tacky-devotional-decor story. One time I was driving past this church in Maine, and they had a giant rosary draped from the peak of the roof. The rosary was made of fishing buoys. SO. COOL. (Okay, not really, but definitely memorable.)

Rick said...

And then there's Buddy Christ from the movie Dogma.

Ophelia said...

The Buddy Christ and Big Butter Jesus should get together for a revival tour!
The first time I saw the Big Butter Jesus driving down I-75, I wasn't sure what I saw.
My husband & I both looked at each other with the same incredulous look on our faces.
Hilarious!

Anonymous said...

Big Butter Jesus! OleOLord!
That thing is even creepier in person...
The bear?
I always thought
"The Father,
The Cub...
And the Holy Ghost"
sounded so much more spiritual,
eh Booboo?

Monica said...

We always think that the big butter Jesus looks like he's peeing, due to the strategically placed fountain.

Dan-the-Soldier/Brother-In-Law said...

I believe it was the 2nd of 10 Commandments?

Exodus 20:4 - "You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below."

Leviticus 26:1 - "Do not make idols or set up an image or a sacred stone for yourselves, and do not place a carved stone in your land to bow down before it. I am the LORD your God."

Nothing personally against the Catholic church, but I think a lot of churches (and some entire denominations) have lost sight of this basic tenant of the Christian faith.

red pill junkie said...

I thought that was a tenant of the hebrew faith, in which case the caholics also forgot about keeping the law of circumcising men... and sacrificing a lamb to celebrate their firstborn male.

But I understand what you're saying; it's just that some people try so hard to make something so grandiose that they loose all sense of perspective (or taste). There's a big difference between this horrible statue, and say, El Cristo del Corcovado in Rio de Janeiro.

Jenn said...

The Big Butter Jesus was driving down I-75?! (See Ophelia's comment.)

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