Saturday, April 01, 2006


JulieTheNephewMama had her sonogram this week, and we all got our first look at Schnitzel, who is the most beautious fetus who ever fetused, other than, of course, Jim The Baby Nephew.

It's a little sad when a person can, in-utero, photograph better than his or her aunt, although I'm quite sure The Great! Photographer could Photoshop in eyelids and fingernails and a wall of books to float in front of, and deem Schnitzel as having "a Nicholas Cage thing going on".

I know you all want to see the results of Schnitzel's photo shoot:

This is a front view, apparently. I think I can see the baby's eyes and nose, or maybe that's his spleen, or perhaps my sister is givng birth to a giraffe. I'll let you know.

Here, Schnitzel is lying on her side, looking at the camera, arms up. It appears she is holding something. I hope it's a cigar. That would be awesome.

In this "facing you" picture, Schnitzel's hands are on either side of his face and his mouth is open. Well, that's just great. I'm going to be the aunt of a child actor who will star in Richie Rich and get married at the age of twelve.

Finally, I am very proud to introduce you to the butt of my niece or nephew. It's good to know Schnitzel has one.

moony at:

Wednesday, March 29, 2006


Assumng that in the 2006 Atlantic hurricane season we get to "F" (and I have a feeling that, within the first fourteen seconds, we will) the world shall welcome Hurricane Florence. Which is my grandmother's name. It's going to be the first ever huggable hurricane. I bet she brings little bags of hard candy and crochets her way up the peninsula.

moving to Iceland at:

Ask Josh the Pilot, Volume IV: Mimes, McDonald's, My Brothers, and My Car

By: Josh The Pilot

Dantelope said...
What happens when you eject a mime from the cockpit of a moving F-15?

If the mime is really good, s/he mimes the parachute opening and floats safely to earth. If the mime sucks, s/he yells LOOK OUT BELOW, I'M COMING THROUGH!!!

Susan said...
When will you start stopping at McDonald's on road trips?

I will gladly stop at McDonald's on road trips as long as MB doesn't ask to stop five minutes after we first get on the interstate.

TheLadyInGreen said...
Got any brothers?

Lizzy said...
Seriously, the Colorado area?

I have two brothers. One is my identical twin, Jeremiah, younger by 10 minutes, and the other is the youngest of the family, Daniel, three years behind me. My sister Esther is between my brothers. Yes, I am the oldest of four.

TLIG and Lizzy, I know what you're thinking. I sound so awesome, my brothers must be quite a catch too. Well... perhaps... but there's some complications. First off, they're not in Colorado. Jeremiah is here in Florida living with our parents and me. Daniel is in Afghanistan with the Army and won't be back for quite a while. The other complication is if you're looking for a guy like me, you won't find what you're looking for in my brothers. They're great in their own way, but they are waaay different from me. Yes, Jeremiah is my twin, and we look very much alike, but our appearances is where the similarities end. With Daniel, he's the youngest versus me, the firstborn... I'll leave you to figure that one out.

Jenib said...
Any hope of you getting a new vehicle in the near future?

What's wrong with Victor, Jr.?

(Note from MB: "Victor, Jr" is what he's named his car. That is so lame. Only massive losers name their cars.)

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Dear Students

-The word “so…” at the end of an oral presentation is really not the best concluding argument you could possibly make.

-You know office hours? Those things I place atop the syllabus, mention several times in class, AND post on the wall alerting you as to when I am available for consultation? They’re a pretty good guide as to when I am available for consultation. Therefore, do not leave plaintive, scolding notes outside my door reading “I came here at 4 AM with a question about the essay that’s due in four hours and YOU WEREN’T HERE.”

-No, we cannot have class outside, because the last time I tried it, several of you managed to vanish between the classroom building and the grass four inches away from it.

-Kindly do not refer to me as “Hey!” “But--!” is far more appropriate.

-I understand that you might occasionally forget to bring a notebook. You may even leave your textbook behind. But when you stride into class every single day with merely yo’ bad self and are in constant need of a pen for the reading quiz, which has only taken place every single time we have class, I start to get suspicious about your level of dedication.

-On some days, I don't want to be here any more than you do. So let's just get through this together. Okay?

-I’m probably going to lose at least a couple papers over the course of the semester. F or this, I apologize. I try to avoid it, and if it happens to you, please understand that I am a blonde who thinks that "absolute altitude" is some sort of vodka-based cocktail. But when I’m in charge of the education of 145 baby pilots at once, sometimes things get shuffled around.

-Showing up for class on Friday does not = extra credit.

-No, on second thought, let’s do that. Let’s boost your grade FOR PERFORMING THE MINIMUM REQUIREMENTS TO PASS.

-This may shock you, but I actually exist beyond the three hours a week you are in class. Running into me at the grocery is not cause to call your roommate once you think I've left the aisle, all, "Dude, I'm at Publix, and Ellis is here!" Sometimes? I even circulate blood. And wear shorts!

-“Three pages” is not synonymous with “two pages and a piece of paper with 1.5 lines.”

-I understand that my lectures may not be the pinnacle of fascination, but what would really super-great is if you didn’t tip your head back and place an enormous straw hat over your face. Then you’re just hurting my feelings.

-Please do not take calls during class. If you take a call during class, somebody had better be dead. If somebody isn’t dead, somebody will be very, very soon.

-In the event you are pleading for an extension on a deadline after class, and these pleadings include the words “But didn’t you get my email? I sent it last night!” you might want to make sure that the time stamp on the email does not coincide with the middle of the lecture.

we already had spring break at:

Monday, March 27, 2006

Welcome Readers

Hi! Welcome to BlondeChampagne! Where the egregious compulsive lying is for the common good!

just keepin' it real, yo at:

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Different Continent, Same Splatcha

No, this is not the same picture:

She came in third.

Any sympathy for her went flaming out the window when she did not put her hand over her heart when the National Anthem played for winner Kimmie Meissner. Come on, Splatcha, you're used to the low end of the podium by now. Show some love.

Comment to reporter who said "Let's bring up the triple" right before an interview, because they were going to discuss a jump she fell on: "How about something positive? Society puts so much emphasis on the negative." Well, when you make it so easy for us...

Also awesome about these Worlds was The Utter Humiliation of Johnny Weir. For those of you unfamiliar with Johnny, he is a dingleberry in sequins. Like, he named his short program costume. For further reason to hate, click here.

Anyway, Weir fell in the middle of his long program. A spectacular fall, the best kind for dingleberrys, in which the fall-ee finds himself full-length on the ice. And instead of climing to his feet and continuing with the routine, Johnny laaaaaaaaaay there for a while, because he didn't waaaaaaaaaaana skate anymore. He pouted his way through the rest of the program, then sat for his scores with his face trained to the floor, greasy hair presented to the world, furious that he was stuck here in Calgary where the only good shopping was for deer pelts. It was as if Anakin Skywalker had taken up figure skating. The Farce is strong with this one.

rolling around in the negative at:

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