Thursday, February 16, 2006

Way to Name! That! Fetus!

Jim The Baby Nephew lovingly invites his future brother or sister to suck it.

Boy, can you guys name a fetus. I hope my sister has a minimum of 4000 more babies just for the fun of prenatally naming them.

Since Taufling was permanently retired when Jim the Baby Nephew was baptized--that is correct, there is a wee jersey the size of half a banana with TAUFLING on the back hanging up in his nursery--I was searching for something awww-able and genderless and pale-sounding. Babylike was good. German was better. "Bode" was non-negotable.


Sonic Boom, from Dan the Reader: Awesome. Especially if the fetus is a wicked kicker like I was. Sonic Boom would not get beat up in his Gymboree classes.

Casper, from Anonymous: As in, the member of the Magi and also the The Ghost. Strong competetor amongst the readers in Champagneville. This is because my readers want the baby to get beat up in his Gymboree classes.

Amblyopsis Rosae from WanderingUpNorth The Reader: Because of this. It's a blind fish! In a hatchery! A hatchery in the Ozarks! I've been spending the past ten days trying to find "Amblyopsis" on a bike license plate!

"Kidogo," from Esther The Possibly Pending Sister In Law: Swahili for "little one." I like this because it's likely the only intercontinental flavor the baby will ever come across. It's a Cincinnati fetus. It became a fetus in Cincinnati, it will create its own fetuses in Cincinnati, it will cease to be in Cincinnati. The closest to Swahili-speaking people most Cincinnati fetuses come is surfing past Coming To America on TBS.

WanderingUpNorth The Reader also suggested "Cletus the Fetus," which scared the crap right out of me, as Jim was often refered to as this. Julie the NephewMama and Country the Brother In Law were despondent over the list of family names to choose from, and while I love my family and the cheese-laden foods they prepare, we are heavy on the Florences and the Gertrudes and, yes, the Cletuses. Grandpa was a Clete. And a great guy, but still... Clete.

Mike The Longterm Reader suggested "Banning," which is Gaelic for "blonde child." Banning. If his last name were going to be "Books", or perhaps "the Yankees", that would rule.

Fohlen, from jcat2323: German for "foal" and therefore a strong, strong contender. Julie the NephewMama and I are horsewomen from way back, in the sense that we like to pet them and ride them and look at them but when it comes to deworming them or paying for their breakfast, we're like, "What horse?"

But the winner is Susan The Reader, who suggested Schnitzel. It's German. It's baby cow. It's yummy. Schnitzel! Have it with beer and a Christmas tree. We can't wait to meet you, Schnitzel. May you be every bit as intelligent and successful as your big brother.

Way to go, Susan The Reader. You win absolutely nothing.

"fohlen" was a really close second and I will probably put it in a Ziplock bag for Fetus #3 at


Anonymous said...

Awwwwwwwww.... Schnitzel!

ShannJ said...

Schnitzel is very cute. I love it! . . . possibly pending sister in law?? Is there some news that I missed?? I must be kept informed of these things! Are you coming to Cincy anytime soon? We have to get together!

luv ya! shannyboat

Anonymous said...

Nope. No news. Just waiting until our combined income is past eleven cents and other sundry things.

I won't be home until Easter, WHICH SUCKS :( I'm very homesick, Shannyboat, so you must have some Graeter's for me.

Anonymous said...

No fair! I want to get together with MB!!!!!

Anonymous said...

How did Sister Julie react to "Schnitzel" nomenclature?
And I did win something. I Named. That. Fetus.

Anonymous said...

Julie the NephewMama reacted as she does with everything regarding her mentally imbalanced baby sister: "Oooookay..." followed by a continuation of her life. She is, unlike me, a competent person and dedicates her brain cells to such useful things as actually knowing where her car is located at all times, while I... take three weeks out of my life to poll total strangers on what I should name a fetus I'm not even carrying.

ShannJ said...

Okay. I guess a combined income greater than eleven cents is good . . . unless of course you want to live in the Escort . . . or the leaky Bellemobile. ;-)

Easter is far away, but it will work. If you have a few minutes to spare for an old friend, we'll have to go grab something to eat. :-) Just let me know when you'll be here.

No fair tempting me with Graeter's when I'm on a diet. Maybe just for you, I'll have to go make the sacrifice. :-) Hey, their sorbet probably wouldn't be too bad for me . . . it's fruit, right?

By the way, I posted a couple of pics from Megan's wedding over at my blog, if you're interested. That's the most recent picture of Sean I have with me here at work.

Dan the Reader said...

Schnitzel is great, but don't you find it a tad Bizarro World that this girl could be called "veener" now?

As in...

Hello, veener shnitzel!

If I meet her, I'm going to introduce myself as Snausage Boy. We'll have so much in common.

jcat2323 said...

So I'm not the only one who hears Schnitzel and instantly thinks "veener" schnitzel. Good to know I'm not alone.
Second place is good, though since it's Olympic season that would be Silver in the Name! That! Fetus! Event. Do we get doughnut metals too?

Jenib said...

Aww, now I liked Cletus...LOL.

Mike Marchand said...

The Longterm Reader doesn't even make the podium. Bummer.

Schnitzel?? Seriously, wtf, dude.

Anonymous said...

Oh, they were in no particular order, so if you wanna be on the podium, go ahead on and put yourself on the podium. The important thing is, Mike, that you're not bitter about the whole thing.

Mike Marchand said...

Hey, "Fohlen" I can accept losing to. I should have thought of a thoroughbred connection before I leapt languages on you.

But "Schnitzel"? Mein Gott! Why not "Liverwurst" or "Braunschweiger"? Good Lord.

Anonymous said...

Braunschweiger! Excellent! That's in the queue for Fetus the Fourth.

DivineDivorcee said...

What about Berliner? As in Ich Bin Ein Berliner? I'm a doughnut? (Kennedy meant to say he was a citizen of Berlin, but *a* Berliner is a doughnut.)

Previous Tastings