Saturday, February 16, 2008

Everybody Into the Lifeboats

I don't quite know what's going down here, but BlondeChampagne is slowly dying-- every time I check in, a few more images are gone, a few more commands disabled. Five years of writing and comments might be circling the electronic drain, a thing so winceable I haven't even bothered having a panic attack about it before. But here it is.

I'm in the process of backing up the files of the entire blog and setting up a new account at a new platform. Somehow I'll figure out how to re-point the URL, too, so sit tight.

when english majors compute at:

Friday, February 15, 2008

Not Feeling Like Myself

Hello, everyone. This is Not Josh The Pilot. This is, in fact, Mary Beth. Why am I, then, signed in as my husband? Because, sensing that I had placed far too much emphasis on the second half of the name of this site, today I somehow managed to lock myself out of MY OWN BLOG.

I'm not entirely sure how it happened, but I was deleting a junk Gmail email account I'd created, and in the process ceased to exist in the eyes of Blogger. I'm not sure how I'm even typing this post, given my lack of substance or matter. In any case, I filled out a help form, in which I had to check a lot of boxes asserting that I am, in fact, a dumbass. Blogger announced that it would get back to me. I'm sure.

This may mean I might have to move the whole shebang to another platform, which I totally do not want to do, but I'm just saying: Oy.

sigh at:

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Don't You Wish

you knew me in high school?

Me neither.

big foam numbers can't hide the shame at:

Wednesday, February 13, 2008


I was awake for 22 hours yesterday, and just before I allowed myself drift into a sweet, sweet chadless world, I got a completely awesome idea for a post. I reached over to the pad and pen I keep by my bedside and wrote it down. Are you ready? Ready? This is so hilarious:

"Rugnortim. I O, no borbs."

I am so glad I was able to share this important insight with you.

Rugnortim UPDATE: It's "Proportion."

switching to a tape recorder at:

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Best Voting Experience Ever

I was not looking forward to casting my vote in the Potomac Primaries: Ginger Division. Without getting too political, I'm so disgusted by the choices available, on both sides of the aisle. I saw very little point in voting today, other than to exercise my duty as a citizen of the republic in which I live. However, today was the most wonderful voting experience I've ever had because at my precinct was the prettiest poll worker I have ever seen... my bride!
Adding to her resume of day jobs, today, for the awesome compensation of one hundred (100) bucks (dollars), Mary Beth spent 16 hours, starting at 5 a.m., at the local high school auditorium as an Officer of Elections. She had a button that said so. I think she needed it to prove her position simply because she's so young. All the other Election People looked like they were born in time to vote for Abraham Lincoln, whose birthday we celebrate today. When you're hanging around a polling location and you look like you were at least 24 years old at the time of the Gettysburg Address, it is obvious you are an Official Poll Worker.
I love "seasoned citizens", but I wish more young folks, especially those as good-looking as MB, would work the polls. I think voter turnout would skyrocket!

Monday, February 11, 2008

Body Image

I would like to know exactly when my nephews found it necessary to refer to me and their perfectly lovely mother as fat heifers.

Jim The Small Child Nephew was recently discussing my wedding, and he announced that after the ceremony, "Josh picked up Aunt Beth, and she was heavy." She was also having a wicked good mascara day, but he never says anything about that.

The King's baby brother, meanwhile, has shown appreciation to his mother for all the womb-carrying with the world's most backhanded compliment. He threw it down as his father's family was working on his people identification skills:

COUNTRY THE BROTHER-IN-LAW'S FAMILY: (pointing to Country) Who's that?


COUNTRY THE BROTHER-IN-LAW'S FAMILY: (pointing to Julie The NephewsMama) Who's that?


At least Cow had the comfort of rationalization; Will's current favorite animal, she points out, is the cow. Maybe he was, therefore, trying to identify her as his favorite person. Or maybe he really, really misses breastfeeding.

oof at:

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Super Saturday Media Awards

1) Most Hilariously Gendered Use of Wall-Sized Colored Maps Award: CNN, which keyed counties that went for Barack Obama in dark blue, and Hillary Clinton's in light blue. Because she's a girl, and the girl should have her states the color of Wet 'n' Wild eyeshadow, Pat Benetar Line.

Mike Huckabee's districts were tinted a charming pink. I'm not entirely sure what CNN was trying to say there.

2) Most Mangled Chant Award: Obama's supports during his Richmond victory speech, who were chanting... something hopeful and change-related, but which came over the crowd mics as "DE-FENSE!" If somebody had actually stuck a little wooden fence in the air with a gigantic "D" glued to it, I probably would have driven down to join them.

aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirbaaaaaaaaaaallllllll at:

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