Friday, March 30, 2007

Days of Moderate Rumbling

WGN is showing Days of Thunder right now, and given I've had a mere seventeen years to see this one, I figure I should jump in and see what the buzz is about this young promising "Tom Cruise" person I keep hearing so much about.

From what I can gather halfway in, Tom Cruise's job is to roll back and forth to exterior shots of a Daytona Beach Memorial Hospital, which would be a fine facility if it actually existed. As for the people of my current place of residence, they are largely portrayed as Blob O' Shirtless Fan, so... some pretty fair accuracy, then.

Nicole Kidman puffy-faces around in crunchy hair, somebody just said "Rubbin' ain't racin'," and people keep addressing Cruise as "Cole Trickle." You go, Tom. You go for those roles in which your character's name sounds like a symptom of a urinary tract infection. He's going to be an extremely respected figure someday.

please stop the thunder at:

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Lazy Susan

Maintaining my position on the absolute pinnacle of American culture, I saw The Chronicles of Narnia last weekend, a mere one year and five months after crafting a one thousand word article very seriously discussing my opinion of it.

I liked it, outside of wanting to smack Peter and Edmund and both beavers at all times. The White Witch was very well done, I thought, with her ability to reign as a warrior queen via use of various poses from Tai Chi For Dummies while wielding an electric Fla-Vor-Ice. But can someone please fill me in on when Susan got boobies? What is up with this? Isn't she supposed to be like eight years old? Do Brits develop earlier? Is it all the lorries and the torches and the loos?

I'm also greatly troubled by the film's portrayal of Peter and his extreme wussitude. Lo, he was strong in battle, in his ability to point as sword as a wolf fell on top of it. Aslan must have been all, "Aw, crap, I would've been better off arming the dachshunds."

Plus, the Turkish Delight looked nasty. Did Jadis dip Fruit Gems in a melted Hershey bar? It can be fruity and sugary or chocolately; not both. It's like trying to woo someone with a steak ice cream cone. I would never throw over my sister for that mess. M&M's, maybe. Movie Turkish Delight, not so much.

wicked awesome Narnia clothes though at:

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Thank you, RPJ!

It seems Nascar's effort to expand its market reach into Mexico is succeeding. Tonight I received a very generous gift certificate from Red Pill Junkie, earmarked for #24 coasters. They will be put to good use, amigo! You'll have to tell me what the English translation is of that phrase you told me to say when I use the coasters.

For anyone else who was thinking about getting me the coasters from The B3 Store registry, please still do so. My man-cave will never have too much JG memorabilia. :-)

Arriba! at:

Thank you, anonymous or yet-to-be-named Giver Of The Sewing Machine

I seriously never thought this would happen... someone has actually gotten Mary Beth the sewing machine on our Target registry. More amazing is that it's the first item to be fullfilled. Thank you, whoever you are. The gift has made Mary Beth's week, not just day.

I'm going to lay down a challenge to MB, and all you Readers are witnesses: If she actually uses the thing, I will gladly clean it for her when needed, and if she doesn't, I will laugh while she dusts after it sits in a corner for years.

Now, who's going to get my Jeff Gordon sign, coasters, and/or beer cozies?

Thanks again at:

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

The Other Me

While scanner-zapping a necessary-to-life set of shower curtain rings yesterday, because I am a big girl totally prepared for household management, I realized that I had misplaced the clipboard I'd been given with my bridal registry information. Home address, phone number, registry password, checklist: It was somewhere within the Bed, the Bath, or the Beyond. The registry specialist suggested I depart the Beyond and return to Bed, where life is fuzzy and soft, and clipboards are often swallowed into the allergen-free pillow bin.

And then! I looked up our registry to add seventeen more martini shakers, and found... another me.

Mary Beth Ellis and Shannon Hutchinson are still in need of a 3-Tier Swivel Server and two ceramic spoonrests. I can forgive them the wooden salad bowl set, but not the $27 salt and pepper shakers. It would be highly awesome if everybody in the Champagne Tasting Room just started filling out the registry: Mary Beth and Shannon are sitting there in Virginia, and all of a sudden here comes the $40 ice bucket they so desperately needed, courtesy of an utter stranger. "Honey? Do we know somebody named 'Red Pill Junkie'?"

Their wedding has already taken place; more's the pity. I bet she never dropped her clipboard down a black hole of goose down. At first I brightened at the possibility of swapping grooms-- no need to order new invitations-- if there are anymore demands for tin Jeff Gordon-related parking signs with which to decorate our home, but then I saw the eight-ounce oil bottle and realized that these aren't people with whom I can consort at all. Besides, Bed Bath and Beyond also welcomes registries for commitment ceremonies, so there's no guarantee that I wasn't walking into a spouse who, let us say, is not my type.

Dude. Look at those plates. I don't know Mary Beth Ellis at all.

gee, I wonder why they didn't get the $300 mixer at:

Monday, March 26, 2007

Hear From the Bride

As we read yesterday, the groom and I experienced a brief pre-marital tussle concerning registration for a sewing machine. Apparently this was a classless thing to do, which is fine talk from a person who scanned a set of Jeff Gordon beer cozies and required an explanation as to why we mustn't ask our wedding guests for underwear.

"At least," he pointed out, "I know I'll use them."

Yesterday I discovered the highly dangerous online registry editing option. For a brief time we were registered for eight espresso machines and a chandelier from the Girls' Bedding section.

Target also provided a list of suggested necessities, including mP3 players, inline skates, and a panini maker. We're an inadequate couple before we even take the vow.

"Apparently we cannot begin married life without a panini maker," I informed the groom.

"What's that?"

"I... was kind of hoping you knew."

We're going to wind up in the Dr. Phil House. I know it, I know it.

Today was the Day of Bed Bath and Beyond. I registered the crap out of this store, particularly the Beyond section. Beyond is where the liquor lives. I got martini glasses and a pitcher and a shot measuring thingie, none of which I have absolutely any idea how to use. There was an entire wall of flatware, including service for eighteen. I don't know eighteen people, let alone having to worry about being cordial to that many people at one time.

I wandered from bed to bath to the blessed Beyond, imagining myself Wife and Hostess, serving delicate slices of imported cheeses and making actual use of a cake stand, as though a serving tray from Lenox would transform me into a neater person, a graceful entertainer, a better cook-- an actual cook. Condiment dishes! Devilled egg servers! A potato ricer! Whatever that is!

I registered for another wine rack instead.

swaying palm photo frame at:

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Wedding Registration, Target-Style: Groom's Perspective

Tink spent this weekend with me here in Northern Virginia, and yesterday we declared our undying love and commitment to each other by registering at Target. I wasn't exactly thrilled with the prospect of walking the aisles searching for domestic life items; however, I went along when MB agreed to let me handle the scanner gun. At least I could pretend to play laser tag while she debated with herself about what kind of sewing machine she wanted. I have never once seen MB use a sewing machine. ("Possibly because I DON'T HAVE ONE." -ed.) I was gently informed that this was completely beside the point.

We began to have second thoughts about the whole process when we arrived at the registration kiosk and found this:

We're glad the store wanted to be clear about what was what on the keyboard, but did we really want to register at a place that catered to that low a common denominator? Did they have an incident in which someone actually confused the button with the trackball?

We decided that the rest of the directions in the registry information packet were probably as simple as "button" and "trackball" and paid no attention to them. We start scanning away

and then I realized the items weren't totaling up properly on the scanner, and it was making weird noises. Without consulting the directions, we marched back to the kiosk, declared the scanner broken, and requested a new one.

We started out again, patting ourselves on the back for discovering this problem so soon. However, the second scanner behaved exactly like the first one. Fine, let's look at the instruction sheet. "Make sure you scan the label with the yellow background." Oh. So that's why when I scanned the white background labels the gun made an angry noise, not a pleasant beep like it did for the yellow backgrounds. I am glad I have to do this only once.

For $29.99 you too can watch your toilet bowl contents look like they're swimming with dolphins (no, we did NOT register for this) at:

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