Tuesday, March 27, 2007

The Other Me

While scanner-zapping a necessary-to-life set of shower curtain rings yesterday, because I am a big girl totally prepared for household management, I realized that I had misplaced the clipboard I'd been given with my bridal registry information. Home address, phone number, registry password, checklist: It was somewhere within the Bed, the Bath, or the Beyond. The registry specialist suggested I depart the Beyond and return to Bed, where life is fuzzy and soft, and clipboards are often swallowed into the allergen-free pillow bin.

And then! I looked up our registry to add seventeen more martini shakers, and found... another me.

Mary Beth Ellis and Shannon Hutchinson are still in need of a 3-Tier Swivel Server and two ceramic spoonrests. I can forgive them the wooden salad bowl set, but not the $27 salt and pepper shakers. It would be highly awesome if everybody in the Champagne Tasting Room just started filling out the registry: Mary Beth and Shannon are sitting there in Virginia, and all of a sudden here comes the $40 ice bucket they so desperately needed, courtesy of an utter stranger. "Honey? Do we know somebody named 'Red Pill Junkie'?"

Their wedding has already taken place; more's the pity. I bet she never dropped her clipboard down a black hole of goose down. At first I brightened at the possibility of swapping grooms-- no need to order new invitations-- if there are anymore demands for tin Jeff Gordon-related parking signs with which to decorate our home, but then I saw the eight-ounce oil bottle and realized that these aren't people with whom I can consort at all. Besides, Bed Bath and Beyond also welcomes registries for commitment ceremonies, so there's no guarantee that I wasn't walking into a spouse who, let us say, is not my type.

Dude. Look at those plates. I don't know Mary Beth Ellis at all.

gee, I wonder why they didn't get the $300 mixer at: mb@blondechampagne.com

14 comments:

Hunter House Mom said...

Did you notice that Josh Hunter is listed TEN times in B3's bridal registry? He's already had six of those weddings in 2005 and 2006. At least he's only doing ONE wedding in July in Ohio. And of course, he's only marrying you ONCE.

I wish there had been gift cards 28 yrs ago. It would have saved me several trips to stores to negotiate returning items. Why do people think you need silver serving platters when all you can afford for food is beans and rice or mac and cheese?

CortneyTree said...

I'm with you on the ugly plates, but don't knock registering for the big ticket items like that mixer. My BFF Natalie registered for one on a whim,and GOT IT, from a mere aquaintance of the groom (I wish I were too aquainted with him, I'd invite him to our wedding...) We're still in registration mode (all online so far, I heart Crate and Barrel), but we've got loads of time--the wedding is in May, but it's a small family ceremony--our big reception is in August.

MB said...

Oh, I'm not knocking the Big Reach-- just not stunned that the mixer's still sitting there, is all :) Me, I'll be thrilled if the $160 comforter shows up.

Josh The Pilot said...

Mom,
You've always told me I was special, but now I'm starting to doubt you. There are ten of me on BB&B, and over 50 on Facebook! At least at Target there's only one other.
Well hold on, now that I think about it, I am special, 'cause I'm the only Josh Hunter who gets an MB! :-)

cortneytree said...

I'm jealous you could agree on a comforter! Linens and towels are our biggest sticking point, as evidenced by the utter lack of them on any of our registries. He was raised by a family of earthtone lovers, and I'm a BFA/artist/daughter of an artist who LOVES color and kitsch. To say we don't quite agree on the style and color of towels and quilts doesn't even cover it. But we're getting there...it's all an adventure, right? :)

mike, dapper doppelgänger said...

Besides, Bed Bath and Beyond also welcomes registries for commitment ceremonies, so there's no guarantee that I wasn't walking into a spouse who, let us say, is not my type.

With the other MB's spouse being "Shannon," this would definitely be concerning.

One of the benefits of my unusual first name (no, "Mike" is not my given name) is that I have yet to find anyone in America whose name is the same as mine. However, there was a "Michael Marchand" who got some of my hate mail when I was a post-graduate Observer columnist and he was a freshman in Stanford Hall.

Toni said...

I totally agree about the comforter. When we finally agreed on one, we plunked down the $300 right then and there (which is crazy expensive for us) because we were so afraid we wouldn't end up getting it, or it would be discontinued.

The large-ticket items also make good group gifts. Eight friends, $40 each, there you go.

MB said...

This assumes, of course, that we have eight friends between us.

I typed too soon about the comforter. As it happens, he doesn't disagree about its color, simply its very *existence*: "Why is it so expensive? Why do we need a comforter? I thought we registered for a blanket at Target. We're going to have a heating system, you know." Sigh.

red pill junkie said...

Pity that MB & Shannon that they don't have the "privilege" of being annoyed by my posts on a daily basis! ;-)

Anonymous said...

:Sigh indeed: Strikes me that it's a wee bit rich for someone registering for Jeff Gordon items to question the NEED for a comforter!

notoriousmac said...

all that kitchenware in the other Mary Beth's registry smacks of a loyal Food Network (specifically, Good Eats) viewer.

And tell JTP that comforters are necessary! A blanket is only enough when you live in Vegas!

the buxom wench said...

I hope the comforter comes your way, MB :) - a pretty bridal bed is just as relevant a desire as Jeff G memorabilia indeed :) xx.

ShannJ said...

We have that very same $300 mixer in white. It is awesome - and I really don't bake a ton. We registered for it at BB&B, knowing that there was a good chance we wouldn't get it, but then we used the previously mentioned registry discount to buy it ourselves. That's one of the advantages to adding on some of that stuff that you really aren't sure if you need. We did stick to mainly practical stuff though, and got almost all of it. Enjoy the registry watching - it was one of my favorite activities!!!

classickelly21 said...

MB,

I'll admit I didn't look at the other MB's registry last night but after you posted I looked. I am SO GLAD you are my friend. I can't imagine buying $27 salt shakers.

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