Saturday, September 15, 2007

Life in plastic, it's fantastic!

Our Barbies had a townhouse. It was awesome. It had three floors and fully furnished wall sticker and a string-powered plastic elevator, exquisitely engineered, which Barbie gracefully entered from the top, feet first. Thus was the entirety of my real estate knowledge concerning multistoried, shared-property line homes until about six months ago.

Now I have a townhouse. It, too, is awesome, and also has three floors, and cost approximately eight billion times more than Barbie's, although, unlike her, I'll have to pay for it eventually. There is no elevator, which I think is a fair trade for non-cardboard floors. And my townhouse, although it is not quite so pink, has a toilet, and also more than one wall. So... suck it, Barbie. For once I have more than you do. All this and discernible toes, not to mention fingers that separate.

Oh, and apparently the success of the Notre Dame football program was contingent upon my virginity.

sorry about that at: mbe@drinktothelasses.com

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Our Lady of the Hideous, Non-Ironic Lawn Decor

Here is a picture of a roadside Marion shrine in Pennsylvania, directly across the street from Ft. Necessity. We drove past it on our honeymoon. Isn't it lovely? I think it's lovely. I think I'll take my Lutheran groom in for a closer look. He'll see we Catholics aren't so batpoop when we say hello to God!

It's a Rosary walk. Let us walk the Rosary walk, and quietly contemplate the sacrifice of our Lord and Savior amongst the tastefully cultivated flowers and trees.

Why, wait a moment. What's that over there by the Glorious Mysteries?


Oh. Oh, no they di'int.THEY DID. A STATUE OF A KNEELING BEAR WAS REVERENTLY PLACED IN THE MIDDLE OF A PRAYER GARDEN, COMPLETE WITH DRAMATIC LIGHTING FOR NIGHT VIEWING, AND PEOPLE, BASIC ISSUES OF PROPORTION AREN'T EVEN ADDRESSED HERE.


Across the lawn, garden gnomes were lining up for Confession and Mass was being said beneath the serene shadow of a large inflatable Frosty the Snowman. I will load these photos right after I finish converting to a church which can express itself in a more tactful manner.

spirit of Vatican II at: mbe@drinktothelasses.com

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Meet Virginia

So I've been trying to get along with this new state. It seems like a fine state, as states go. It is lumpier than my original state, Ohio, but less apt to be blown into another hemisphere than my most recent state, Florida.

Virginia is a rolling mass of townhouses. Fully non-smoking eateries are seldom an option, for Virginia knows how it got here.

The cars bear a quiet witness to scars I do not fully understand, and hope I will never share; images of the Pentagon on the license plates and Hokie-orange magnets folded in a ribbon loop. I tread lightly here.

I tasted a raspberry wine last month--the vineyard soil is less Napa, more Bordeaux. The second half of that sentence is something I do not say loudly in the non-SuperCenter Wal-Mart down the street. Yards are a luxury. We take our Civil War very seriously here; craning my neck from Florida, I considered this a waaaaay-Northernly move, but people still purse their lips when I hold up a two-liter of Sprite and ask if they would like some pop.

Last week my husband said, for the first time, "We're from Virginia." It played dissonantly on my ears, and then I remembered that there is no open container law in these parts.

I am pleased to meet Virginia.

coffee at midnight when the moment is not right at: mbe@drinktothelasses.com

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Welcome MSNBC.com Readers

I've been struggling for a few days as to what I would post on the anniversary of 9/11, and while this isn't exactly the way I expected it to happen, it's kind of twistedly awesome that, a scant six years later, our main topic of conversation is a semi-lumpy woman in a sparkly bikini and how, exactly, we all feel about that.

You lose, Osama.

appreciation for women who somehow manage to build non-bikini-based careers does too, but that's beside the point at: mbe@drinktothelasses.com

Monday, September 10, 2007

Stand By

Working on an MSNBC.com article, and also not wheeling blunt heavy objects at day job people in the process. Link to come mid-morning, or so I'm told.

the death star is approaching the planet at: mbe@drinktothelasses.com

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