Saturday, July 29, 2006

It's a Colt

July 28, 2006
Maiden Special Weight

2 William Ronald
Owners: Julie The Nephews Mama and Country The Brother-In-Law
Red coat, 39 minutes old
Sire: Gregory Britton (Gregory Gerald)
Dam: Julie Ann (Melvin Ronald)
Breeder: Roman Catholic Church
Trainer In All Things Destructive and Fun: Aunt Beth
Pitocin, 8 lbs, 9 oz
Forced start;out of gate very slowly, stubbornly stayed on the inside, fast push at the wire
Bullet Work: 11:20 PM

Friday, July 28, 2006


I worked very hard today, a full two hours of standing in front of a room while ordering my students around. My sister at least gets to put her feet up and have drugs while pushing an eight-pound object out of her body. Pffffft.

Irregular contractions have begun. I dropped a cheese cracker on the floor this afternoon but didn't get any fuzz on it. Other than that, not much news.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Schnitzel on His/Her Tiptoes

Or whatever full-term babies are on while in the womb.

At this time tomorrow, I will very likely be an aunt again. I'm still trying to arrange my brain molecules around this. I'm still trying to arrange my brain molecules around Jim The Small Child Nephew. I look back at the posts I wrote when he was but a Taufling and I cannot believe I didn't know that little fetus was Jim, who now speaks in sentences and takes very seriously his daily duty of lining all his toy trucks up into a small plastic traffic jam. It's kind of like waiting to hear the winner of an Academy Award: The outcome is already decided... the child will either make little dresses for ants, or stomp on them. I just don't know which it will be.

I figured that Julie The NephewMama (perhaps the last time she shall be referred to as such, if the baby is a girl) would wait until Jim got boring before starting all over again with another baby, but he continues to do things like go to the side of his main homey J.P. after he and his sister Brooke have some sort of slapflight and say, "It's okay." I think he will be an FBI negotiator when he grows up.

That, or an urban planner.

happy pushing to my sister at:

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Hush Money

At times I fill life’s brainless moments-- staring at a red light, hands lax on the steering wheel, or sitting on the toilet, examining the tile grout-- with the thought, “I wonder if, somewhere in the world, anything is happening, right this very second, that will wind up affecting the history of the world.”

This never fails to fascinate me. Who turned to their spouse mid-Nixon administration with, “Can you imagine the absolute crap that would go down if the President were at this very second handing out hush money and secretly taping every word uttered inside the Oval Office?”

What's happening right now?

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Hi Baby!

Remember Schnitzel?

Yeah. Still pending.

We are past the official due date now, and although my niece or nephew is head-down in what I like to call "the launch position" (Nick the NASA Poobah prefers "holding short of the runway"), we are going nowhere for several days.

Jim The Small Child Nephew continues to prepare for big brotherhood by maintaining his doll baby in a full stage of undress at all times. My sister attempted to clothe the poor child once, and Jim threw a fit. There is no need to be concerned; I kept my dolls naked all the time too, and look how well I turned out.

Sometimes he tenderly feeds the naked baby and escorts it about town in a stroller; sometimes he pushes it in a swing, maintaining a gentle arc of 180 degrees while yelling "Wheeeeee!" And then when he gets bored he piledrives the baby and announces, "Done." I see this going very well.

Today, however, he placed his hand on my sister's stomach and felt his sibling rustling around in there. Then he announced, "I'll show the baby! This is the bus!" and ran one of his toy buses over where most of the kicking was. Enjoy making that bus your own while it lasts, kid.

where is everybody at:

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