Thursday, June 16, 2005

Did YOU Wang Chung Tonight?

Oh! Oooooohhhhhhhhh! There cannot be too much Hit Me Baby One More Time!

Last week, we were witness to some top-quality spazzing courtesy of Vaniller Ice (tm Large-Toothed Wanker Host, who seems to have trouble CONTROLLING THE VOLUME OF HIS VOICE). Mr. Ice celebrated his win with a traditional Pouring of Aquafina Over Audience And Self. Oh Rob, you are clearly a badass of massive proportions, one whose pimposity is to be feared from afar.

Tonight we were subjected to the return of Cameo, who restored balance to the Force by busting out the red codpiece. It's wider these days, if not less hilarious.

Also: Sophie B. Hawkins. I love Sophie’s music! I love all of her… hit! The name of which she wore on a T-shirt! Damn, I forgot my “Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover” T-shirt. I always loved it when Beethoven trolled around Vienna in his “Symphony Number 5” wifebeater. (NOTE: By decree of Wanker Host, "Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover" shall henceforth be pronounced as "DAMN!!!!! I Wish I Was Your Lover." Be sure to emphasise the "DAMN!!!!!" as loudly and as wankerly as possible.)

Also also: Irene Cara, who won the night by not, technically, singing. She hauled her way! cool! new! band! onstage to do the heaving lifting while she fulfilled her lead vocalist duties by wearing a Panama hat stolen from Hannibal Lecter's Goodwill pile.

The name of the band, incidentally, is Hot Caramel. I understand they will be touring this summer with Hot Sundaes.

I’m so excited! I’m so excited! I’m so.. so... SCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARED! at:

P.S. Please note that this is the second time I have used the word "codpiece" in this space in the month of June. I'm... not sure what this means, exactly.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005


One of the local news stations actually just broke the following story: "Heat and humidity have been converging here in Central Florida." I am very glad Action 10 is all over this, because I otherwise I would have NEVER NEVER EVER figured this out for myself. This is quite possibly my very favorite news quote of the year since--and YES I actually heard this--a CNN analyst informed us that "the cardinals have their game faces on as they enter the Sistine Chapel."

Why I Left Journalism, Exhibit A at

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