Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Champagne In the Cave


From the article:
The modern gentleman may prefer blondes. But new research has found that it was cavemen who were the first to be lured by flaxen locks. According to the study, north European women evolved blonde hair and blue eyes at the end of the Ice Age to make them stand out from their rivals at a time of fierce competition for scarce males.

Then they spent eight years in womens' schools.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006


I know all of you are asking: Which wine goes best with an Italian Olympics Closing Ceremony?

Since it seems it's one of the few things we can trust Italy with, a nice Pinot will do. Serve in plastic cups salvaged from the bleachers of Notre Dame Stadium and some Shut Up, Costas on a cracker. Make sure it's a vintage from an Olympic year, because today... we play the Brazilians.

corkscrews at:

Sunday, February 26, 2006


Because nothing could top Italy's pimptastic Opening Ceremonies, the organizers of the Closings were all, "Well, let's just do what we always do-- bust out some scary clowns on trampolines and call it a night."

The Closings, even when presented in the guise of the Worst Bridal Show on Earth, always sadden me. I hereby pet the hair of the commentators as very close friends who shall be missed. What do these people do for the other three years and fifty weeks between Olympics? How many postings does have for bobsled analysts? I imagine that Scott Hamilton sadly wheels Dick Button back to the Old Commentator Home, where he sits dejectedly between Jim McKay and Joe Nuxhall, hoping passerbys will attempt layback spins for him to mock.

As in Athens, NBC was fully prepared to ratchet up the evening's Suck Factor. You almost started taking these people seriously, but then they would say something along the lines of "The mood has certainly become more melancholy as we near the extinguishsing of the Flame, but it'll pick right up again with some muscial acts: Avril Lavigne and Ricky Martin!" and then you realized... this is a Network of Tools.

Then again, perhaps NBC is possibly doing the best its sucky little heart could with a nation which, while the birthplace of opera, when asked, "Boffo closing act?" immediately answered, "Ricky!" I remain confused by Italy's presentation of itself. (IOC President to the athletes: "You have seduced us!" Because it's all about sex here! Also the Pope!) Apparently EPCOT Italy is more Italian than actual Italy. Why were they spinning "That's Amore" during the March of the Athletes? Who, exactly, determined that at this once-in-a-generation moment on the world stage ought to be set to "Volare"? For there was the mayor of the city, waving the Olympic flag, and there also was... "Cantare, oh oh WOOOOAAAAHHH oh!" Why not just heap a meatball in the hands of each medal winner and leave it at that?

Feh. Back into training in Colorado Springs I go for Vancouver, eh. Boy, I hope K.D. Lang is there like she was at the Calgary Closing Ceremonies.

My childhood was typical... summers in Rangoon, luge lessons.

I blame the Russian judge.

Although it was really cool when John Baldwin carried Rena Inoue into the ceremonies in a pairs skating lift at:

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