Monday, March 26, 2007

Hear From the Bride

As we read yesterday, the groom and I experienced a brief pre-marital tussle concerning registration for a sewing machine. Apparently this was a classless thing to do, which is fine talk from a person who scanned a set of Jeff Gordon beer cozies and required an explanation as to why we mustn't ask our wedding guests for underwear.

"At least," he pointed out, "I know I'll use them."

Yesterday I discovered the highly dangerous online registry editing option. For a brief time we were registered for eight espresso machines and a chandelier from the Girls' Bedding section.

Target also provided a list of suggested necessities, including mP3 players, inline skates, and a panini maker. We're an inadequate couple before we even take the vow.

"Apparently we cannot begin married life without a panini maker," I informed the groom.

"What's that?"

"I... was kind of hoping you knew."

We're going to wind up in the Dr. Phil House. I know it, I know it.

Today was the Day of Bed Bath and Beyond. I registered the crap out of this store, particularly the Beyond section. Beyond is where the liquor lives. I got martini glasses and a pitcher and a shot measuring thingie, none of which I have absolutely any idea how to use. There was an entire wall of flatware, including service for eighteen. I don't know eighteen people, let alone having to worry about being cordial to that many people at one time.

I wandered from bed to bath to the blessed Beyond, imagining myself Wife and Hostess, serving delicate slices of imported cheeses and making actual use of a cake stand, as though a serving tray from Lenox would transform me into a neater person, a graceful entertainer, a better cook-- an actual cook. Condiment dishes! Devilled egg servers! A potato ricer! Whatever that is!

I registered for another wine rack instead.

swaying palm photo frame at:


Josh The Pilot said...

Dear Readers,
MB is now back at The World's Most Famous Beach, and if you can't tell already, I was not with her for this romp through BB&B. This is what happens when a bride is loosed alone and armed with a registry scanner. Single-Gentlemen-Considering-
Getting-Married, registering is obviously not the most exciting part of your engagement, but make sure you are actually with your beloved while registering, or you will wind up with eight espresso machines and a chandelier.
I love you, babe.

Anonymous said...

B3 actually gives you 20% off everything on your registry that you don't get as a gift so load it up! Scan everything in the store (like we did)!

Tamar said...

That's another precious thing about registering, and approaching the wedding. It's great to imagine your life. I felt like a little girl, dreaming of my life ahead (ahem* I was 24, not really a girl).

I wasn't the type to plan my wedding as a child, so I had 6 months instead. Thanks to many wonderful friends and family (Cousin in law was learning to shoot/produce wedding DVD's, and did ours as a present to us $3-4,000!!! for cripes sake) We were blessed with beautiful weather and loving, generous family. I know I'm rambling, but thank you for allowing me to walk down memory lane.

You two are S.O. adorable together, and I wish you many years of toilet seat and underwear discussions.

Anonymous said...

When my sister got married many moons ago, the "in" gift was a picnic basket fully stocked with plates, silverware, etc. She received 3 of them and guess where they ended up--garage sale.
Being the maid of honor, as a gift for her kitchen shower, I bought her a tall kitchen garbage can & loaded it up with all the little stuff like a potato peeler, wooden spoons, spatulas, etc. It was a hit!
MB, don't forget the potato peeler!


JeanR said...

MB -- 18 place settings isn't about having a dinner party -- its about not having to wash dishes as often!

Anonymous said...

"I got martini glasses and a pitcher and a shot measuring thingie, none of which I have absolutely any idea how to use."

I think I might know what your shot measuring thingie is! I went to BB&B to buy my boyfriend a six-shooter, which I think is what you saw. it holds liquor bottles upside down, and you hold a shot glass to the bottom of the werid x-shaped thing. It measures out one shot perfectly for you!

if I must say so myself, it's probably the most amazing thing ever made.

Kate said...

At a bridal shower I gave the bride a nice garden hose and a sprinkler. Everyone laughed at me. Two years later, they're still using the hose and sprinkler while all the fancy china and crystal sits on a shelf unused. Chalk one up for practical ol' me!!! Anyway, I still think you should scan up that toilet seat! Many times a day you can sit and pretend you're on the most famous beach in the world! Well, maybe if you throw some sand on the bathroom floor. Might do double duty for a cat... without the fancy covered litter box to clutter up your home! Just poop and scoop! Martha Stewart I ain't!

mike still has a licence to grill said...

A Panini grill is for sandwiches. I'll see if I can find you one that will stamp either "JG" or "24" into the sandwich.

Actually, on second thought, if I find one for "24," I'm keeping it; I love that show. :)

Anonymous said...

Panini is a grilled sandwich. They are good, but I'm not sure a necessity for a newlywed. On a side note, wasn't Panini the name of the company that made those sticker books back in the 80s? Does anyone else remember what I'm talking about? I used to see them in the check out aisles at the market and spend the rest of my time in line begging my parents.

MB said...

OK, the truly scary part of this is, I know EXACTLY what Anon is talking (well, typing) about.

I think the other two biggies were Mrs. Grossman and Sandylion.

Tamar said...

I actually received casserole dishes at my shower that were the same pattern as those little plastic ones I played with as a child. Everytime I use them, I feel like I'm playing house. ;)

red pill junkie said...

When my older sister got married, I bougt them a nice, rustic-style hanger... that was made out of an oxen yoke. They loved it though ;-)

classickelly21 said...

JTP, She must really love you, I saw the JG coasters on the list.

MB, You are the only person I know who could pick Lenox and "As seen on TV" at the same time.

You are still being pretty practical. My friends registered for 4 pages of candles at Pier One and ate off paper plates for 6 months b/c everyone bought them the candles. You need to start with an adventure like that. Plus, it would give MB a good excuse not to cook. (One can't cook without all the proper equipment. I've managed that excuse since college.)

Also, the BB&B coupons NEVER expire, even if they say they say they do AND you can use more than one per purchase. I'll send you my extras if you want. God knows I'll never use all of them.

classickelly21 said...


I hope I'm not posting this twice, my web page disappeared as I was typing.

Anyway, I totall forgot to mention that there are two MBEs registered at BB&B. And all this time I thought you were one of a kind.

BTW, totally off subject but I FINALLY got into an Ivy League school, U Penn is going to do my heart valve replacement. So much nicer than the postcard that said,
Dear Kelly, Yeah Right! Love, Yale.
See dreams really do come true, if you are patient (pun intended) enough.


Josh The Pilot said...

I've found two other MBEs on Facebook. I'm not concerned though, 'cause there's only one of MY MBE. :-)

Jenib said...

Hey-just wanted to chime in about Target's registry. I have had horrible luck ordering online from them and having items sent to the "lucky couple". Each time, the gift has been broken or just simply wrong-requiring an exchange. It also took a month for two items (one which was simply cooking implements she asked for-which I found humorous because she doesn't to get to my friend. For anyone wanting to get a gift online from the target registry, I suggest buying it in store and mailing it directly.

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