Sunday, March 25, 2007

Wedding Registration, Target-Style: Groom's Perspective

Tink spent this weekend with me here in Northern Virginia, and yesterday we declared our undying love and commitment to each other by registering at Target. I wasn't exactly thrilled with the prospect of walking the aisles searching for domestic life items; however, I went along when MB agreed to let me handle the scanner gun. At least I could pretend to play laser tag while she debated with herself about what kind of sewing machine she wanted. I have never once seen MB use a sewing machine. ("Possibly because I DON'T HAVE ONE." -ed.) I was gently informed that this was completely beside the point.

We began to have second thoughts about the whole process when we arrived at the registration kiosk and found this:

We're glad the store wanted to be clear about what was what on the keyboard, but did we really want to register at a place that catered to that low a common denominator? Did they have an incident in which someone actually confused the button with the trackball?

We decided that the rest of the directions in the registry information packet were probably as simple as "button" and "trackball" and paid no attention to them. We start scanning away

and then I realized the items weren't totaling up properly on the scanner, and it was making weird noises. Without consulting the directions, we marched back to the kiosk, declared the scanner broken, and requested a new one.

We started out again, patting ourselves on the back for discovering this problem so soon. However, the second scanner behaved exactly like the first one. Fine, let's look at the instruction sheet. "Make sure you scan the label with the yellow background." Oh. So that's why when I scanned the white background labels the gun made an angry noise, not a pleasant beep like it did for the yellow backgrounds. I am glad I have to do this only once.

For $29.99 you too can watch your toilet bowl contents look like they're swimming with dolphins (no, we did NOT register for this) at:


Rachel said...

. . . The more I think about it, the cooler that toilet seat is. Are you sure you don't want to go back and add it to the list?

cousin alicia said...

Registering is one way of seeing exactly what people will buy you. And then returning it.
One of the fun things about wedding gifts is returning them for store credit and then adding up all the credit for what you really need.
If you had registered for that toilet seat, I know we would have gotten it for you. Even though we know that you would have returned it, we would have gotten it for you.

Anonymous said...

I think we, as readers, need to provide the fancy toilet seat... Off regisitry is much more personal, don't you think? :)

Tamar said...

Hubby and I had a BLAST, just running around and 'shooting' stuff. I can't wait til we're ready to have baby #3, JUST for the 'Tar-Jay' experience. Oh, and for the blessing of a child, and all that other stuff. :)

mike, redneck gift-giver said...

For $29.99 you too can watch your toilet bowl contents look like they're swimming with dolphins (no, we did NOT register for this)

I don't care; I'm buying it for you.

Well, that, or the singing fish.

Jules said...

Well, there goes MY idea......glad I kept the receipt!!


Anonymous said...

Good job Josh. Other couples get five toasters. We get multiple see-through toilet covers.

red pill junkie said...

You sure there wasn't one toilet seat with SEA TURTLES instead of dolphins? It would blend more! ;-)

amy lou the reader said...

MB: I promise to send you something tasteful and practical for your wedding.

Just think of all the in-store credit you're going to get for the toilet seats. Seriously. You'll have to tell us how many you get after the wedding, because after I read this I had the exact same thought you did.

Josh The Pilot said...

Shucks, I was hoping for comments on how cool I look holding a scanner gun. Instead, everyone wants to talk about sending a transluscent toilet seat that we don't even want! Oh well, we'll appreciate the thoughts and the store credit. :-)

Anonymous said...

Target is the best store...EVER!


Anonymous said...

Does MB know you scanned the Jeff Gordon stuff? And, you do look really cool with the scan gun, it would have been cooler however, if you were scanning something more manly than silverware, like a grill.

MB and JTP,
Your registry is way too practical. This is your chance to register for way cool stuff, just to see if people will buy it for you, not like the toilet seat, but for stuff like the grill or plasma screen TV. Think Big. You've got the shower and the wedding to rake stuff in. Good luck, enjoy the loot.

the buxom wench said...

:::: Wishes they were whales instead of dolphins so she could make jokes of a juvenile Free Willy nature ::::

Josh The Pilot said...

Yes, MB knows I scanned the Jeff Gordon items. If she gets a sewing machine, I for durn sure am going to get a #24 beer cozy. I was going to get a picture of me scanning those instead of the silverware, but my camera's battery died before we made it to the JG stuff.
Also, it would be nice to register for "way cool" stuff, but then if we actually got it, we'd have to spend money on the practical stuff, money we don't have. Yes, we could return the way cool stuff for credit and get the practical stuff, however we'd end up with the same result: practical stuff only. Thanks for the thought!

red pill junkie said...

Josh... c'mon man! Who needs PLATES to eat when you have a plasma tv????

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