Thursday, March 29, 2007

Lazy Susan

Maintaining my position on the absolute pinnacle of American culture, I saw The Chronicles of Narnia last weekend, a mere one year and five months after crafting a one thousand word article very seriously discussing my opinion of it.

I liked it, outside of wanting to smack Peter and Edmund and both beavers at all times. The White Witch was very well done, I thought, with her ability to reign as a warrior queen via use of various poses from Tai Chi For Dummies while wielding an electric Fla-Vor-Ice. But can someone please fill me in on when Susan got boobies? What is up with this? Isn't she supposed to be like eight years old? Do Brits develop earlier? Is it all the lorries and the torches and the loos?

I'm also greatly troubled by the film's portrayal of Peter and his extreme wussitude. Lo, he was strong in battle, in his ability to point as sword as a wolf fell on top of it. Aslan must have been all, "Aw, crap, I would've been better off arming the dachshunds."

Plus, the Turkish Delight looked nasty. Did Jadis dip Fruit Gems in a melted Hershey bar? It can be fruity and sugary or chocolately; not both. It's like trying to woo someone with a steak ice cream cone. I would never throw over my sister for that mess. M&M's, maybe. Movie Turkish Delight, not so much.

wicked awesome Narnia clothes though at:


MissDirected said...

I'm sorry. I loved that movie. It made me go buy the complete series (which now conveniently comes all in one massive book) and read them all again. While I did at times want to smack Peter, and while I always wanted to kick Edmund where it counts, and even though Susan was kind of a whiner, Lucy saved them all for me.

And about your article... I didn't even click the link and read it again, but several times since it was written I've broken out into "In a time... Where Christ was a Lion..." It was one of my favorites of all your articles.

red pill junkie said...

Tsk Tsk, you had us fooled fo a whole year then?

You gotta admit, Aslan was excellent! The voice, the CG character, the whole works.

I really want to see the next movie, also because a very popular mexican actor (well, at least popular AMONG us) is going to appear in it, although I certainly HOPE he's not coming out as Prince Caspian, cause the dude is old!

Anonymous said...

Just what would have been wrong with Gilbert Gottfried?

LiteraryAlchemist said...

I have to agree with both MB and MissD... Peter sucked on an order I cannot describe. I think scientific notation must be used to quantify just how horribly written, acted and directed that character was. And Edmund was just an all around dweeb.

The young girl who played Lucy smoked everyone. She was the only convincing one in the lot of children.

Tilda Swinton nailed the seductive, evil, creepy White Witch wonderfully.

Josh The Pilot said...

I agree with you about Peter and Lucy, but I must respectfully disagree with your opinion about Edmund. Yes, he was a dweeb, but I think that furthered the portrayal of him as the outcast little brother. Since he felt downtrodden by Peter and Susan, he was easily seduced by the seemingly genuine love and acceptance from Jadis. I think the movie did a great job showing that dynamic.
I'll admit, I almost cried for Edmund when Tumnus found out it was Ed who betrayed him, and Edmund had the most horrible feeling written all over him. Also, the look Tumnus gave Edmund was very well done.

Dantelope said...

MB, you completely plagiarized that line from an adult movie called "The Sexy Chronicles of Narnia". Shame on you.

"I liked it, outside of wanting to smack Peter and Edmund and both beavers at all times." -- Narnia The Sexy

Jenn said...

Have you ever TRIED Turkish Delight? Again, not something for which to sell one's relatives. Although it does grow on one, I find.

Also, may I make so bold as to disagree with RPJ re: Aslan? I think Patrick Stewart would have been a better voice choice; Liam Neeson's isn't deep and rumbly enough.

red pill junkie said...

Patrick Stewart would have also been a great choice jenn, but I dunno... the voice of Liam Neeson made Asla seem... closer to the little kids, maybe with Patrick's voice Aslan would have appeared too menacing and foreboding. Although I agree it's difficult to capture the essence of what C.S. Lewis tried to portray: A God that is equally frightening and loving at the same time...

LiteraryAlchemist said...


I don't disagree with you at all :) Edmund was well crafted on screen and came off finely as the character 'easily seduced by the dark side'. Though I don't think the young man who portrayed him topped Lucy.

Since my childhood, though, I've always perceived him as a dweeb for succumbing to her devices.

All in all, though, it was a fine film. I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't toned down for younger audiences, as so many children's movies are these days.

I dragged my grandfather out of Pinocchio when Monstro appeared.

The Wicked Witch of the West terrified me.

Maleficent (sp?) - wow, where to begin?

Skip ahead a few years in Disney's stable and what do you get? The ludicrous/comic villains in "Hercules" and "The Little Mermaid". I was terrified that the White Witch would become such a charicature.

Anonymous said...

Never saw the movie or read the books (yes, yes, I know C.S. Lewis was a genius...), but I have had Cadbury's Turkish Delight. I love Cadbury's Turkish Delight. The only place I've been able to find it is at World Market.

I never would have guessed chocolate covered rosewater jelly stuff would be tasty, but there you have it!


patty m. said...

I fell madly in love with Mr. Tumnus in this film. He could turn me over to the White Witch any day. I've since sought out other films with James McAvoy ("Children of Dune" anyone?) but they just aren't the same. There's something unbelievably sexy about the scarf-hoof combination! Is that wrong?

Josh The Pilot said...

Thank you for pointing out who played Tumnus! Ever since I saw the film in the theater I've been wondering where I recognized him from. I love Children of Dune, but I simply didn't make the connection and I never bothered to look it up.
As far as wondering about hooves and scarves, I say what happens in the bedroom should stay in the bedroom...

red pill junkie said...

Patty and Josh, if you liked the performance of McAvoy in Narnia and Children of Dune, you should see him in "The Last King of Scotland", he's awesome!

Tamar said...

I think that this speaks for itself...hopefully...cause I'm speechless. :)

Adrian said...

"Arming the dachshunds?" MB - you do have an entertaining way of putting things!

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