Monday, November 27, 2006

Proposal FAQ

Q. Are you really engaged?

A. I have a ring and a large amount of tulle in my living room and a recent fight with my mother. I appear to be engaged.

Q. Can I come to the wedding?

A. Invitations are available in exchange for large cash donations to the MB and JTP Attempt to Plan a Wedding On the Combined Budget of a Freelance Writer and a Very, Very Newborn Air Traffic Controller Whose Student Loan Debt Makes the Baby Jesus Cry Fund.

Q. Is that a sapphire?

A. It is indeed.

Q. Why a sapphire?

A. See above. Also, sapphires are the color of Mountain Blast Powerade, so you know they have to be quality. Diamonds are only the color of Crystal Lite Lemonade, which is far less awesome.

Q. When's the wedding?

A. July 14, 2007.

Q. July 14? Isn't that--

A. YES. Okay? I'm getting married on Bastille Day. I'm a great big Frenchy-French lover and we're all going to sit around and get married and eat crepes and hate America.

Q. I'm so surprised! This is such a surprise! Weren't you surprised?

A. I hereby direct you to the last comment of this post, in which the sharp-eyed, picture-expanding, slightly creepy Anonymous caught sight of my birthday present, which was a This Space Reserved For an Engagement Ring ring. I was hoping to slip this past everyone, assuming that the sight of the horrid Hair of the 80's would either distract you or kill you.

As with everything else, including parallel parking, I have gone about my own wedding completely bass-ackwards. Because I am a romantic, Josh was under very strict orders to not come at me with an engagement ring unless there was a health insurance policy behind it. We didn't know if this was a fer-sure thing until he passed his initial training courses in Oklahoma City.

But for us to marry this summer, we had to secure the date early on. So I've known for three months I was going to get married, and I had to shove the mules overboard to pay for wedding stuff, and I couldn't tell anybody until it was official. I couldn't write about it. I couldn't talk about it. I couldn't b*&^%$ about it. I have gone through all the preliminary planning without the ability to type one word about how weird and exciting and upsetting and amazing it is.

For example, while securing the bridesmaids shoes, I found these

and couldn't tell you about how I got a great bulk price in all the sizes I needed! Don't worry; they don't light up all the time-- that would be tacky. They only flash when heel-to-floor contact is made.

I'm so glad you know now.

Q. How did Josh propose?

A. Perfectly.

Q. But details make us happy!

A. Josh told me the day before Thanksgiving that he wanted a picture of me against the Cincinnati skyline, and it had to be taken THAT DAY, RIGHT NOW, BEFORE DINNER, and NO we couldn't ask Julie and Britton and the boys to come with us. So we drove off on this perfectly normal everyday mission during which I did totally not suspect a thing to Eden Park, where I totally did not suspect a thing further as he left the camera in the car.

Q. Did he get down on one knee?

A. After I reminded him.

Q. Do you have a dress?

A. It will go a little something like this. I'm having a discontinued, hem-dusty, 90% off blue and silver strapless dress modified by a seamstress to look like the flowing Tolkien drunken haze you see here.

Q. Who is the wedding party?

A. Julie The NephewsMama, starring as matron of honor. Carah The BFFE, flying in from Scotland. Esther The Pending Sister-In-Law, flying in from Africa. Most. Intercontinental. Wedding. Ever.

Josh has asked his twin, Jeremiah, and his younger brother, Daniel, to be groomsmen. There is also a rumored best man, "Jason," but I have never met him or talked to him or seen pictures of him. Clearly he doesn't exist. I suspect Josh is making him up so he has someone to blame potential wedding lateness upon.

His Majesty Jim The Small Child Nephew will attend as ring bearer. It will be the first wedding ever in which the party consists of the bride, the groom, their parents, six attendants, a ring bearer, and a stuffed kitty.

Q. Does this mean Josh has secured the approval of The King?

A. They brokered a preliminary agreement in an official summit over smiley face potato wedges, in which Josh obtained Jim's aunt for five goats, eight ounces of Hi-C, and a cookie to be named later.

thank you all so very much for the good wishes, which will be printed out for the engagement journal (of course there is an engagement journal):


Anonymous said...

Q: How long have you had this FAQ standing by in draft mode? ;)

Anonymous said...

A. Ain't no foolin' The Readers.

anne, a reader said...

Hey mb and jtp, because I'm a sucker for sapphires and romance, I just sent you (via Amazon) enough for a good bottle (or 3 or 4 not-so-good bottles) of champagne!

Anonymous said...

Oh, Anne, thank you so much! That's just so generous, thoughtful, and kind of you-- not only is there no foolin' The Readers, they truly do rock hard.

Jess said...

This is, quite possibly, the best FAQ I have ever read. Better even than the one on the DMV home page!

Toni said...

MB, I can do some neat things with Photoshop and photos and text, and can design nifty save-the-date cards, or other correspondence that you may require. I wish I could foot the bill for printing services, but my finances don't rate much higher than yours. However, I can design for free, and either give you the name of a fancy, but inexpensive printing place, or just send you the file to print as you wish. If you're interested, e-mail me at tonibduguid [at] gmail [dot] com.

--Fellow Floridian and NASA enthusiast.

Kacky said...

Wow, since I'm an Okie I can only conclude that Josh the Pilot's recent sojourn in Okie City contributed to the timing of new FAQ. Nothin' like that Oklahoma warmth to inspire. Congrats!

Started your book last night and laughed until 2am. Husband didn't seem to find the same level of humor, though. Buying multiple copies for presents.

Josh The Pilot said...

It's true she's had a promise ring I gave her for her birthday in January. However, we didn't talk about it on here because at the time I had word from the FAA that I was going to Virginia, but no idea when, and I had no guarantee of passing OKC. I apologize if you all feel deceived, but we do reserve some privacy (I'm looking at YOU Dantelope). :-P
One note about the dress: It is starting out strapless, but it's being modified, as in sleeves being added, because MB knows how much I dislike strapless dresses, especially those of the wedding persuasion. I know it's the current fashion, but I think it takes a very certain body type to successfully pull off the strapless look. Unfortunately, way too many women out there who don't have that body type think they have it and are subjecting the rest of us to unnecessary displays of dress tugging and entirely too much skin exposure. Hence, I simply prefer seeing girls/women in dresses/shirts with sleeves/straps (I like my slashes) and this fashion problem is solved!

Kacky said...

Wow, I can only assume as a resident Okie, that Josh the Pilot's recent experiences in Oklahoma contributed to his determination to prolong warmth and love in his life. We do that to people ya know. Congrats.

Began your book last evening as part of my bedtime reading ritual. Laughed until 2am. Unfortuately, husband didn't seem to achieve the same level of hilarity as I. Too bad. Am buying multiple for presents.

Anonymous said...

Guilty. I was the anon who saw the ring. Actually, I blew up the picture to see what the hair fuss was about, and I thought it looked just fine. So, thinking there was some closer-to hair issue I was missing in the pic I clicked on it and noticed 3rd-finger-left-hand-shiny. I promise to comment whilst logged in in the future :) I swear, I'm not that creepy.

Congratulations to you both and best wishes, as I've been reading this blog since MB learned about 'The Envelope' :)

Anonymous said...

Ah, the divine Ms. Divine Divorcee is back! Thank God it was you. I feel much better now. YOU'RE not creepy at all! Just sharp.

Toni, what a wonderful offer. I so appreciate it. We are doing print-it-yourself invites, but have no text or design as of yet, so I am quite taking you up on that. Come on down!

Kacky, Okies and their kindness are always welcome here. Clearly, however, you need a divorce.

Josh... I TOLD you, that dress will have sleeves. Fear not. It's a long aisle and you have a long while to see me coming. I won't be able to sneak anything past you. Get The Divine Divorcee to watch me from the back of the church if you want.

jcat2323 said...

JTP: I totally agree with the anti-strapless dress movement. Not only do they look strange on most people, the tugging it up drives me crazy! I had a cousin who wore one at her wedding and I lost count of the number of times she did that during the night. Talk about tacky.

Jcat2323 said...

Q: Where will the wedding be held (city, state)?
I'm the one who offered my cake decorating services in a long ago post. If you're interested, let me know. I'm in Iowa, but I've never been east of Illinois, and I'm always looking for a good excuse to travel. All I need is a kitchen and I'm good to go. (And I'm cheap compared to most professional cake places.)

Anonymous said...

I'll watch nervously hoping everything goes to plan. I'm type A at weddings. Until the bar opens.

I wanted so much to go and talk to someone about how cool this was (Thanksgiving proposal) and realized.. the only people who would know what I was talking about are already here and know it. So, another eep-shriek yay for you and your man. :D

laura in virginia said...

if you need an oboe player, I'm all yours.

Stacey said...

The Jim/JTP pic is pretty darn cute!

MB, you are blessed with couple of photogenic men. (And, I bet JTP will make a great uncle!) :)

Anonymous said...

I absolutely have the best The Readers in the world. I really do.

Craig said...

I have mascot experience, so if you provide a costume, I can perform. Trust me, having a mascot at a wedding reception is hilarious.

red pill junkie said...

JTP I'm sure your bride will look stunning with her sleeved dress... and her funkadelik multi-color LED shoes! ;-) Of course, that means you'll have to wear a disco-ball helmet to match. LOL

Anonymous said...

Ooooh JTP - I'm jumping right in as a not a strapless dress fan - and my SIL chose a strapless bridesmaid dress that I have to wear in April. A RED strapless dress. Red + pale + multitude of freckles + not that certain body type = EEEEEEK! *hiding in the corner at the wedding*

And MB, you did an amazing job keeping this all a secret. I'm sure it was driving you crazy. I do not think I could have done it!

Josh The Pilot said...

I'm thrilled for the support of my "Say No To Strapless" stance. I thought I would get brow-beaten for being old-fashioned and ignorant of current women's style. Anybody else wanna jump on the bandwagon?
Shannj, have you made it known you are not cool with wearing a strapless dress? I think many brides-to-be choose strapless these days only because they think it's the thing to do and it's what everyone is wearing at their weddings. I think if someone simply let them know it's okay to NOT go strapless, they may end up choosing something more sensible and better-looking!

Anonymous said...

Trust me JTP, if I let my SIL know that I wasn't comfortable with strapless, she probably would have chosen it anyway, just for that reason. Her dress does look very nice, it's just not something I'm sure about on me. Thanks though!

Anonymous said...

I dunno, I think MB looked FABULOUS in the strapless bridesmaid's dress for her BFF's wedding. She certainly can "successfully pull off the strapless look".

Anonymous said...

Hooray for anonymous!

Heidi said...

I agree that not all women can carry off a strapless dress - those who constantly hoik up the bodice etc just plain old look uncomfortable and it takes away from the elegance they may have intended when choosing strapless to begin with. The women who can carry it off - and I agree with anonymous that the author of this site certainly CAN - look elegant indeed.

Just have to say, though, JTP, I think it's a little insulting to say "if someone simply let them know it's okay to NOT go strapless, they would end up choosing something more sensible and better-looking". That seems to infer that they can't make what YOU see as a sensible choice unless told to. No sleeves and no straps doesn't automatically equal no common sense or ability to choose what THEY want (regardless of how it looks to or appeals or not to others) nor indicate a need to be "told" what they should be wearing on their wedding day :).

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