Thursday, January 11, 2007


Today’s post was to be dedicated to pondering what this year’s incarnation of My Horrible Birthday Karma ™ was going to be. The Return of the Spew? Boils? Would I trot to my car on the morning of the 15th and find a pile of ash?

Mais non! This year’s winner is: Homelessness!

A year ago, when I signed my current lease, I warned the agents that I might need a 14-month contract on my next one, as I would likely leave The Swamp in May 2007.

“No problem!” said the nice lady.

Eight months ago, when I received my class schedule and gave notice to the University of Airplanes, I reminded the staff of our agreement about the extended lease.

“It will be no trouble at all,” said the nice lady.

One month ago, when the deadline for my renewal approached, I appeared in the leasing office, pen and unsigned lease in hand, requesting a contract with the new dates.

“Oh, you don’t even need to worry about the deadline,” said the nice lady. “We’ll draw up a new one right after the holidays.”

Today I received a phone call from the leasing office.

“You need to be out on March 30,” said the nice lady.

Josh The Pilot called from Virginia to scream. Nobody kicks out his fiancee! That's his job, after I've wailed for seventeen hours straight about the font on the response cards!

"When did she say anything to us about a lease extension?" said the nice lady.

As it happens, the complex’s sister property received heavy tornado damage, and nobody has anywhere to put anybody. So I, and all my crap, shall suffer exile, for from where they send me there is no returning, and the leasing office will never know if I have found forgetfulness in another's arms.

At least, unlike the tornado victims, I have crap, and a place to frown at it until March, not to mention slightly more warning that the roof over my head is about to vanish. But Josh The Pilot and I can only afford to move said crap once, and we expected that to happen after he moved out of his tiny room in The House of Meat and into our big girl and big boy married-people place in May. We are now transporting my crap from The Swamp on President’s Day weekend, and letting it sit on the side of a wide-shouldered road in Leesburg with a DO NOT STEAL. YOU DON’T WANT A FRAMED AUTOGRAPHED PICTURE OF THE CAPTAIN AND TENILLE ANYWAY sign.

So I must now find a furnished apartment for six to eight weeks, and when you need that, people either laugh at you very hard or calmly attempt to charge you eight hundred thousand dollars a week.

All this and thirty, too. Hot.

paid in full at:


Anonymous said...

Hey MB, I may be able to help you out... I'll send Josh a message on facebook...

MissDirected said...

craigslist babe. It's all about craigslist. You can find ANYTHING you need on that site.

MB said...

First place I went, miss. That's the next post, as apparently "anything" really does mean, um, ANYTHING.

And thanks, anon. I will have Josh check :)

red pill junkie said...

Nice lady deserves slow death at the coils of a wild 12ft python

amy lou the reader said...

Darn, MB. That's terrible.

Landlords can be...pains. Our new ones took away our washer and dryer, replaced them with ONE coin-operated unit for the entire building, a unit which proceeded to DESTROY the first thing we washed.

So we're actually moving at the end of this month. Four weeks (or less) before I'm due. To a much better place in a better neighborhood.

I'm sending my husband to the gas station tonight with the last dollar I have in my wallet.

If we win the Powerball drawing tomorrow night ($155 mil), you and JTP won't have to worry about renting again.

MB said...

Oh, amy lou, you're having an even worse "for worse" than we are! Hang in there... happy thoughts your way, to you and baby.

Scott the Taller said...

You know, my sister had a similar problem with them when she tried to move out of there.......the ladies in the office also hassled me when I had to move out because of the Air Force. They seem so nice until you try to's like a bad horror movie

Jenib said...

When things happen like this-I always have a tendency to remind myself that this is somehow part of His plan and that it is easier to have faith that everything will be allright.

I am sure everything will be okay. This will probably turn out to be some kind of gift in disguise.


And watch out for the loonies on Craig's list.

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