I Am So Totally Famous

I am famous. Well, within a 12,000-radius readership of a Florida newspaper, anyway. I participated in a reading this week (not, as one of my coworkers asked, a "tarot card reading") at a local college and my picture wound up splashed all over the features section of the paper. I look fairly stupid. I'm waving one hand in the air as if I'm taking oath of office, which I frankly don't remember doing, and I'm not completely sure but I think my ass looks enormous. The calves look fantastic, though. That's the important thing. Also the photographer was hot. I totally showed him leg when he asked me how to spell my last name.

It was an interesting night, and thrilling be back in my own context. Fey Goateed Art Guy was there, as well as Tori Amos Lesbian Girl. The whole bit. I was thrilled to be doing public speaking again, which I sorely miss.

I had to leave early because it was a long drive back to the Blonde Bachelorette Pad, and outside were a couple of students grabbing a smoke, and as I went by they were all, "Look, look, there she is!" and they told me that I was the best, funniest person there. So I threw my arms around them and complimented their excellent taste.

I sent my mom the picture and she said, "You've come a long way since your fourth grade Living Book Report."

Oh, good times, good times! This was my glorious debut as a public speaker. I'd done a lot of readings before at class Masses, but this was the big time. We had our own assembly in the auditorium and everything. It was truly a big deal. It was a tradition back at St. Jude's: You dressed up as a character from the book and told the story and every single person ended with "And if you want to know what happens next, read...."

My book was The Little Gymnast, that modern classic, and I pranced around in this replica Mary Lou Retton uniform and generally did not want to get off the stage. I rocked, baby. I was money.

I feel great about the reading, but it also left me pacing. It served as another confirmation that this is what I need to be doing, writing and doing readings and lectures, which is a good thing seeing as I'm completely inept in anything else I have ever attempted.

But in the meantime: The engineers. Booooooooooooooo.