Thursday, February 07, 2008

I MARRIED A STRANGER

Today, in idle conversation--we were discussing, I don't know, raisins--my husband, whom I SLEEP next to, revealed that he is, in fact, one-fourth Canadian.

Notthatthere'sanythingwrongwiththat, but isn't this something you should tell a person before you marry her? Shouldn't she be fully apprised of the fact that you may, at any given moment, bust out one quarter of an "eh?" I could have the entire marriage annulled on grounds like this.

I can't write anymore. I can't deal with this. One-fourth Canadian. You think you know a person. Better I know this now, rather than, say, if we decide to have children and the first one exits the womb with a mullet.

Lifetime movie at: mbe@drinktothelasses.com

10 comments:

Kris said...

It could be worse - he could be from Tennessee!! I knew that and married him anyway, though. Married 5 years - Feb. 7th. :o)

Red Pill Junkie said...

OMG! Did you call Immigration? ;-)

Katmarie said...

Kris - My mama would have loved a Tennessee good ol' boy for a son-in-law! Instead she got a Connecticut Yankee, and 11 years on she is still determined to make him like grits :)

MB - Having lived in northern MI for a while, I can vouch for Canadians as terrific people. Get to know your hubby's cultural heritage - especially the beer!

MB said...

Oh, nothing against Canadians per se, you understand. It's one of my favorite pavilions at EPCOT. But still! You TELL a person!

Mike Marchand said...

You know, I don't want to denigrate anybody's marriage, 'cause I'm all cool and non-judgmental like that, but if line item "A" on What Your Husband Is happens to be "whom I SLEEP next to," you may want to rethink your relationship. I mean, I sleep next to a space heater and a Fathead poster of Brady Quinn, but I have no intention of marrying either of them. (Well, maybe Brady Quinn, but not the poster of him, obviously.)

And, actually, you can have your marriage annulled on grounds like that.

But it's not that bad. If you do decide to have children, that would make them one-eighth Canadian, and while you don't really need any more reasons to not have children, that's certainly gotta be a topper. But then again, since they'll only be one-eighth Canadian, you can probably have seven kids safely before the eighth comes out all floppy-headed and beady-eyed.

Besides, Jim Carrey is Canadian! Bad example, okay. Mike Myers is . . . no . . . uh, Barenaked Ladies . . . crap. I'll get back to you on that.

Red Pill Junkie said...

Pamela Anderson is canadian Mike.


...what?

Carah said...

You know MB, this post is EXACTLY why I LOVE to read your writing. I have been chuckling over it for about 15 minutes now, and have been seriously contemplating calling Matt in Oman and reading it over the phone to him at 1 AM, just because he'd appreciate it! :D Love, Carah

Monica said...

Canada? Isn't that one of the blue states?

Hey, does this mean you get free, though substandard, health care for life?

MB said...

Canada gave us Michael Buble, which makes it WONDERFUL.

random00 said...

Wait, you're telling me(us) you married a man and you didn't ask his heritage? You didn't peek into his pilot background check file? You didn't ask for References? What about his medical history(and family medical history)?

And last but not least, when introduced to his family, you didn't notice the total over use of "eh"?

Seems you should be checkin' who you're sleeping with, eh?

(love you and JTP anyway!)

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