Friday, March 16, 2007


The air conditioning is out on the Pending BrideMobile. It waits until I turn the dial all the way to the coldest setting, and then responds by pouring out warm air. Sweet. Just in time for summer! In Florida!

I have a 30-minute highway commute two days a week, which is a long way to haul in a driver's seat that achieved the same temperature of the surface of the sun ten minutes after lunch. I tried opening one window, which created some kind of weird pressure situation that made my head feel strange, which, come to think of it, may be attributable to the fact that it was Retro Bistro hour on the radio and M.C. Hammer had been injected into the situation.

So I opened the window on the passenger side, which lessened the pressure a little bit, but instead created an in-car tornado which made my hair an enormous head-knot. This led me to enter the WTF Zone and lower the other two windows as well.

By this time I was going 80. Ever gone 80 in a car with all four windows down? You hear the road. You hear your car. You cannot hear M.C. Hammer, which turns out to be a pretty good thing anyway. I was in my own little hurricane. You shouldn't try it sometime.

a week in the parts 'n' service department at:


mike uses the 7070 system said...

I don't think I've ever owned a vehicle with a functioning air conditioner.

Besides, it ruins your gas mileage.

Cbell said...

I once had a Camaro with black leather interior do the same thing to me. Black leather in the hot summer equals weight loss and dehydration... just in case you want to know.

MissDirected said...

I was so ready for your closer to be "You can't touch this @"

My deepest sympathies about the air conditioner situation. As a Houstonian who once went an entire summer without a/c, I totally feel your pain. Especially the pain in the back of your legs as your legs fuse to the seat.

Laney said...

My car’s AC works just fine, but I love to drive with my windows down. Especiallyon days like today when it’s sunny & 65. The trick is to roll down the passenger side front window and the driver’s side rear window. This creates optimal airflow with fewer incidents of hair knotting. Also, you can still hear MC Hammer…if you want.

Rachel said...

I am forced to wonder where you live, mike. In some climates (like the one in Houston) I'm pretty sure you'd DIE without functioning air conditioning.
I'm pretty sure I'd die, anyway.

Josh The Pilot said...

Actually, modern cars' gas mileage isn't affected by running air conditioning as much as older cars. When I had my '90 Chevy Astro, yes, air conditioning zapped mileage, but now in my '01 Ford Escort ZX2, the difference between a/c on and off is minimal.
The real way to save on gas is slow down on the highway. Instead of going 80 MPH, try 70, or even 65 if you don't have far to go. This lowers the RPMs on the engine, which makes it more efficient. At 70 MPH, my car gets almost 35 MPG, whereas at 80, it drops to close to 25. Over a 500-mile trip, it takes only 45 more minutes at 70 MPH than it does at 80. I think those 45 extra minutes on the road are well worth the gas savings.

Toni said...

Being a Florida native, I remember the first time I helped a friend up north look for a new car, and being shocked, *shocked!* that AC was an option and didn't come standard.

SusannahS said...

Having heard the a/c vs. gas mileage myth, I once drove from Central Arkansas to Camp LeJeune on the coast of No. Carolina to visit Ex-Bo'friend the Marine. I had the whole trip plotted out so that I could drive in the least warm parts of the day and into the evenings, thereby not needing the air conditioning because I would just crack open the windows.
Yeah, about 30 minutes into Day 1 of Driving, I said "F-that" and cruised with a/c for the other 13.5 hours.

Maybe you can find a little battery-powered fan to attach to your dashboard????

mike (winthrop sucks!) said...

rachel: I was so impressed by MB's reading at The Womb that I decided to stay in South Bend forever!

Just kidding. I've lived here all my life. It may not be Houston, but it can get pretty sticky here in July and August. (You'll notice I said nothing about attempting to live without a heater, 'cause . . . yeah. It was -13º six weeks ago.)

But can you Houstonians boast of a weather week like this?

Tuesday afternoon: Sunny High 75º
. . .
Wednesday night: Snow. Low 25º

We had that this week. Welcome to Indiana.

Dantelope said...

I've never slowed down enough to go a steady 80, MB. On Detroit area freeways, that's tells the gang member to your right that you're weak and wish to engage in macho games like Chase Me and Shoot Me in the Head. Ahhh, those silly kids and their silly kid games.

It could be worse. My Jeep's A/C works, but when you turn it on there is the acrid smell of decaying flesh. So I have to choose -- lose my lunch, or get cooler? I usually choose what you did -- destroying my hearing by lower the windows.

Besides, it just makes it easier for me to hear what that cop who pulled me over is saying... something about a dead body in the trunk... hmmm...


Dantelope said...

P.S. Sticking a spear through the belly button of a mime allows you to spin him really fast creating a nice fan that doesn't make a lot of noise.

For mobile applications like your car, I recommend a midget mime.

red pill junkie said...

The problem is when you are stuck in a 2-hour jam because of a workers' manifestation in Mexico's Periférico, and you have to choose between loosing your radiator or die of heat exhaustion. Fortunately, there are those caring thoughtful guys that sell you cool sodas right there in the street. They should start selling beers is what I think! I mean, it's not that you're gonna be able to die by a car crash when your top speed is 2 inches per hour anyway!!

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