Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Life As We Know It

Many thanks to Dan and Kelli The Readers, who housed Josh The Pilot for the night, and didn't kill him or anything, or sneak in and watch him sleep. They sent him off with peaches, which I'm sure he appreciated, but this broke his streak of collecting cash at each stop thus far. Friends in Daytona Beach gave him $15 and he scored more from his uncle and aunt in Georgia. He should leave town more often.

Discretionary funds are holding up well. He dropped $2 in northern Arkansas on a corn dog and, quote, "a whole wad of taters." Perhaps I will chase down this dish in France next month. "Garcon, a wad of your very best taters, s'il vous plait."

Turning North, we've begun cross training sports awareness for Jim The Small Child Nephew. He and his father were watching SportsCenter, which showcased Tiger Woods entering a PortAPotty.

"Tiger is going potty," Country The Brother-In-Law explained.

Jim is a detail-oriented child, and requested further clarification. "Tiger poop?"

"Tiger" is a lot of sounds in a two-year-old's mouth at once, so sometimes it get shortened to "Grrrr." "Grrrr POOP!" Jim confirmed later in the broadcast when he saw Tiger again in a non-potty context.

Also, I checked my mailbox at the University of Airplanes today, and the student evaluations for summer classes were sitting in my mailbox, so I threw up. It's been a good day for bodily functions in my family.

the evals were actually quite kind, so I only threw up one meal instead of two at: mb@blondechampagne.com


Anonymous said...

When I read your NBC contributor article on movie teachers in MSN, I thought you were simply being Racheal Ray cute. Then I went to your Blog and discovered you are just plain silly. Good grief. Get a life. Do you think anybody really cares about your commentaries on anything? No wonder Florida's schools are almost as bad as Georgia's. You need to get a job playing Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. Much more suited to your non-existent talents.

thebuxomwench said...

Anonymous, if all you have to do with your time is insult someone - someone whom, by the way, has regular readers that just plain love her for her wit and insight - then quite frankly it is clearly YOU whom needs to "get a life".

Thinking of you, M-B, while your Pilot is away. If you guys are ever in the Land Down Under, free accommodation and caramello koalas and random wombat sightings are on me - I'll even say "Crikey" if you want :) xx.

tamar said...

Hee hee!! Does that apply to random readers??? JUST kidding Obviously! Thank you for kicking anon square in the pants, as I was gearing up to (prior to reading your response)

Have a great day all!

Anonymous said...

Buxom: if you think that MB has wit and insight, you clearly ought to sue whatever schools you went to for failing to educate you as to the meaning of those words. Oh wait--you are an Aussie---that explains it all.

and tamar---if you are gearing up for anything, I hope it is for a tricycle race, since anything faster is probably way out of your league.

There is just too much cyberspace being wasted by incompetents and fools like you two and Mary-Beth. Sad it is there so much of the blogosphere attracts what amounts to the internet equivalent of trailer trash.

Ophelia said...

If we are all a bunch of incompetent fools, why do you insist on "wasting blogosphere space" by telling us? Aren't you doing just that?
We don't infringe on your "perfect world" and there is no reason on God's green earth for you to bust through the gate with nothing but lame, narrow-minded insults.
And at least most of us have the balls and the integrity to identify ourselves. We don't see the need to hide behind an anonymous label in order to throw insults.

patentgeek said...

MB - there should always be a place in this world for just plain silly - keep up the good work. And I think Leesburg was definitely the correct choice for JTP. There's always JetBlue (at least from FLL), so I hope the separations are brief and the reunions wonderful. Write on!

Josh The Pilot said...

BuxomWench, we will certainly someday take you up on the wonderful offer!
Thanks everybody for defending MB. Anon, you definitely need to get a life.

Miasys said...

As one who is also experiencing potty-training woes with a toddler- who told me she's going to be my baby 'forever'...(and for the record, I'm also a functional, college-educated, literate and gainfully employed adult) I thoroughly enjoy your Jim stories. I may not always agree with you, but I find your blogging charming, witty and utterly readable. There are few things more nauseating than the cowardly anonymous basher, unless it's Sasha Cohen and her fledgling acting career.

DivineDivorcee said...

Dear Anon,

I have items for your review, as you have twice explained your gratification in correct grammar and diction.

For your first post, dated August 23rd at 5:36AM:

It will interest you to note that “non-existence” is not the correct expression; “nonexistence” is, per the O.E.D.

Rachael Ray spells her name ‘Rachael Ray’, not ‘Racheal Ray’.

Having attended school both in the United States and Australia I am certain it would interest you to know that the entrance and completion requirements within Australia are more rigorous than those of the United States.

For your second post, dated August 23rd at 10:11AM:

Your sentence that begins: "and..." should have a capitalized A, and should not begin with "And" at all.

Your sentence that begins: "Oh wait..." should have two hyphens and then two hyphens, not two and then three.

"Went to" is best replaced with "attended", and whilst it is not incorrect to begin your sentence with "Sad it is..." you would be better off to stick with the traditional "It is sad", for in this particular instance it makes an awkward sentence.

I have no doubt as to your familiarity with awkwardness.

Yours not at all,

AlaskaMe said...

MB - I love reading your blog and proudly sport a Blonde Champagne t-shirt. Keep up the good work. Much love from the north.

red pill junkie said...

What I love the most about this blog, anon:

Nobody forces me to read it.

What I love the most about the Internet:

There's plenty of space for any kind of tastes, and one man's sillyness is another man's philosophy.

Move on, and on your way out please take out the garbage can will you?

Laney said...

MB, WE love you! Stay the way you are. I love your MSN articles, "Nephew News", JTP stories, Horse racing junkie rants, and your “Big Girl” teacher chronicles. They are all a great way to escape. I’m sorry if everyone doesn’t think so.

Anonymous said...

Ah you blithering idiots:

You are all so much fun to irritate because your comments are often as non-sensical as the orginal blogger and her idiot commentary on movie teachers. (Btw, the hyphen as I used it before and as I use it here is appropriate, DD. What you know about correct English you could stick in your eye and still have 20/20 vision!) You could all easily fit into the Mississippi-Alabama-Georgia network of "jes' plain folks with single digit I.Q.'s." Did any of you bother to read MB's article on MSN? Probably not, would by my guess. Oh well, I leave you to your meaningless and miserable meanderings (hey, DD, did you spot the alliteration?). None of you ever know when your collective legs are being pulled or your "stuck-in-the-air" noses are being tweaked. No wonder America is dumbing down!

Josie the teenage reader said...

Anon, I can assure you that we all keep up with MB's MSN articles, as we find them both amusing and entertaining.

Also, I recognize a lot of your put-downs from my 10th grade classmates. I'm not sure this is a particularly good thing.

DivineDivorcee said...


Suggest you 'google' a search for 'Use of hyphen in non- words' and allow 1 point for one that suggests you use it as you have, and one point that specifically states not to.

Enjoy :)


NB: Yes, I spotted your alliteration. Technically alliterative, but not as elegant as if you had omitted the 'and'.

Best of luck to you in your gradeschool endeavors.

thebuxomwench said...

Oh Anon, give it up before your Mommy and Daddy realise you're on the computer again and ground you.

zaftiguous said...

Anon: Are you off your medication or is that the best it can do for you?

tamar said...


My tricycle has a flat! Guess I'll have to play on the computer again :(

Hey Everybody,
If we ignore It, It will go away. All It wants is attention.

Have a nice night folks :)

MB said...

Thanks to everyone for the kind words. I appreciate it more than you know.

Ruby Rose said...

Only just coming late to this debate because I've been preparing an AUSTRALIAN UNIVERSITY GRADUATION CEREMONY (where, incidentally, you can't move for international students, not a few of whom have forsaken the US to get their master degrees and very nice people they are too), can I just say to anonymous:

You make me giggle.

When I was in England I got a couple of brits who thought that "ah yes - you're Australian, aren't you?" in argument-ending, condescending tones would make me shrink away, my place in the order of things clearly shown to me, ie at the bottom of the heap.

And I would look down at these racists (their great-great grandparents probably told mine to scrub one floor too many, whereupon my great-greats promptly migrated, bless them) - these shorter, uglier, sketchily-educated, never-known-a-sandy-beach-or-backyard, badly-nourished, pasty racists...and giggle.

What else can you do? These sorts of people are too trivial for words.

So, anonymous, go play on another forum. We have seen you for the lightweight bile-spewer you truly are. You're DONE here.

If there's no room at buxom's house you guys can come stay at mine!

Alexandra (very happy to be) from Australia

MB said...

See, I don't get the whole condescension thing either, Alexandra. I guess people figure that since you Aussies are so open and fun-loving, you cannot possibly be intelligent too. But Florida is a popular tourist destination for Australians, and every single person I've met from there has been quite the conversationalist, witty and smart.

I would VERY much like to visit, even live there for a while, and am fascinated by the culture (not to mention the wine.) I've never talked to anyone who has visited Down Under and not had a fabulous time. I hope to see you and Buxom there soon.

kredin said...

MB - Please do not get discouraged by the rantings of those who do not appreciate your writings. I, like most of your readers, enjoy your posts and your MSN articles. I haven't been able to make a monetary contribution but I offer you words of encouragement. Keep up the good work.

MB said...

Kredin, thank you. Comments like yours actually mean more to me than the Amazon cash... I can't put a price tag on my very kind "fan email".

Although a Mercedes would be nice too.

Doddy said...

Anon should just hush up - and that's all I have to say.

Alexandra on the other hand:

shorter: I'm 5'11 and a half, I stopped using eights and quarters when I got over 12, at fourty I think I'll just go to full inches

uglier: got me there, couldn't shave this morning 'cos the mirror is still broken

sketchily-educated: never taken a drawing class in my life

backyard: had 3/4 concrete garden, and my local beach was called mudSANDS thank you

badly-nourished: nothing wrong with crispy fried belly pork, I'm only mildly obese

pasty: there's a reason us Ingerlanders wear knee socks with our shorts

racists: no comment, but one of my best friends is ozzie, guess I have to hate him now

MB said...

Doddy, if it makes you feel any better, I've never met an "Ingerlander" I wasn't fully charmed by, either, and there are even more of them here than Aussies. I would teach whole busfulls at the Kennedy Space Center, and we always had a delightful time. Will you show me around your part of the world, too? Josh The Pilot studied in London for a while and adored it, and very much wants to take me there someday. I'm not stopping him :)

Lynn said...

MB, I have read regularly for I don't know how long now, and I've only commented after seeing the reading of The Waltz, but I always enjoy your writing.

mike, troll ass-kicker said...


When I read your first comment, I thought you were simply being Don Rickles funny. Then I read the rest of your comments and discovered you are just plain silly. Good grief. Get a life. Do you think anybody really cares about your commentaries on anything? No wonder you're too chicken to reveal your identity. You need to get a job playing Dopey at Disney World. Much more suited to your non-existent talents.

Go ahead and call me an idiot; given that I was using the fine template you came up with, I suppose it would be apt. Besides, I'm thin on time right now.

MB said...

Thank you, Lynn and Mike. I think everybody scared the troll back undergroud :)

Ruby Rose said...

Dear Doddy (sorry mb to use your forum like this!)

We have some people here in Australia who you hope never, ever go abroad because you then the international community might just possibly use them to inform their idea of "What is an Australian? Discuss.".

The people I met in the UK to whom I was alluding were obviously their British counterparts.

Mostly I couldn't move in the UK for lovely people who were determined to buy me pints of beer the second they heard my accent. Dragging me into the nearest pub with them if necessary.

Thanks for giving me a GOOD reason to giggle reading your post (I confess I was laughing out loud and disturbing my co-workers by the time I got to the bit about the sock).


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