"She should've stayed on the plane."

Thus spake one of the guys in the bar where I was watching the Friends finale. See, I would have paid to see that.

One of my worst fears about the Friends finale was not realized: It did not, in fact, suck. Given the toilet quality of the past season, the entirety of which was apparently written in as much time as it takes to do that clap-thing along with the theme song, I expected something monumentally awful, perhaps even on a Seinfeld level of mass self-implosion. Instead, the finale was funny and even a little twisty. I laughed more during this episode than I have all season-- which, obviously, isn't saying much. (Granted, I was also drunker during this episode than I have been all season.)

This show jumped the shark when Chandler married the highly obnoxious Monica, and it leapt the entirety of Sea World when Emma was born of Ross and Rachel-- then summarily vanished. It's been a chore lately, follwing these people. This year's Thanksgiving episode, for example, in which hippie Phoebe entered li'l bastard Emma in a baby beauty pagent--Pheobe! Competitive! In a beauty pagent!-- made me want to start turning over cars.

(Speaking of vanishing babies: Remember when Ross' first child, Ben, was born? And Monica cried, and said, "I will always have gum"? And you know desparate she was to have a baby? Why then did we immediately not see her lavishing attention upon her nephew? Did Ben fall down the same black hole as Emma did? Where the hell's the gum, Auntie Monica?)

I must applaud a stab at symbolism in which Joey's foosball table, which represents the character's immaturity and collegiate-style lives, was destroyed to save two baby chicks trapped inside. It was especially fitting that Monica, whom I have long despised, did the actual chopping. It's Monica! Fun's over!

I must BOOOOOOOOOOOO, however, Chandler becoming completely unChandlerized in the following speech to one of his twins: "This was your first home. It was a happy place." Okay. Stop there. Just stop. There. That's fine-- simple, understanted, nicely done. But THEN the script goes, "Full of--laughter, and-- LOVE!" I about spewed my island colada. Come on, Chandler. Could you BE any more dorkified?

I felt it really wasn't necessary for me to even watch the episode, given that NBC gave the entire thing away two weeks ago when they promoed a clip of Ross bleating "I love you!" to Rachel in the middle of an airport. Indeed, in the show's final moments, they weep, "It's you and me!" Uh-- and-- and the baby you made together out of wedlock? Remember her?

But I watched anyway, and YES I cried, and to the guy down the bar staring at me as I wiped away tears, I AM ON MY PERIOD, OKAY!?!?!!