Seeds

I've taken to buying watermelon on the shell since I eat it constantly (no way this stuff is an actual fruit, and therefore good for you; it tastes too damn good. Crack, is what it is.) But--and this is only possible, in Florida-- when I went looking, I couldn't find a whole one at the grocery. And whole watermelons, in my experience, are pretty tough to miss.

After circling the produce section a few times, though, I found a display at the end of an aisle. It was full of these wimpy-ass little seedless watermelons, which were all hunkered down and dwarfed by a bunch of cantaloupe. These watermelons were the cantaloupes' bitches.

The sign above these sad little castrated watermelons read: "Personal Watermelon." Well, that's just great. If you don't have a personal Savior, you can at least have a Personal Watermelon.