Thursday, February 24, 2005

Social Notes

Friday last, Messieurs Matt Langrish and Dan Warmsby, of 427 Keenan Hall, Univeristy of Notre Dame, hosted a most delightful four-hour soiree featuring loud recorded music and large quantities of cheapass beer. Exclusively invited to the intimate gathering were a bunch of guys from Warmsby's 20th Century American Literature class eighty-seven percent of the entire freshman class of Saint Mary's College.

Preparations for the evening began as early as 7 p.m. on the day of the soiree, when Mr. Langrish took stock of his posh bachelor estate, enhanced this semester by a fresh coat of beige paint, liberally applied over the summer holiday by the renowned design firm University Maintenance. An open, airy effect was achieved by removing the four sweatshirts, large wad of cotton briefs, and eighteen Papa John's boxes from the floor and cramming them into the nearest available closet.

A dashing avant-garde theme was chosen to accent the festivities. Messieurs Langrish and Warmsby installed black-light bulbs and a magenta lava lamp, purchased the previous afternoon at the University Park Mall branch of Spencer's Gifts. These additions lent an enchanting accent to the gentlemen's antique furnishings, a magnificent Carter-era orange and brown nappy couch with several unidentified stains on the left arm, and a highbrow minimalist table fashioned from an ironing board balanced across two plastic crates.

Among the guests was Miss Amy Townsend, fetching in a completely unoriginal Abercrombie & Fitch knit top. Her roommate, Miss Lisa Whittier, opted for an earthier look, which consited of a completely sluttly pair of lowrise jeans and a "THE ONLY 4.0 I EARNED AT NOTRE DAME WAS MY BLOOD ALCOHOL LEVEL" t-shirt.

Accompanying them was a member of their biology lab group, Miss Brittney Martalis. No one remembers for certain what Miss Martalis wearing, although sources strongly indicate that Old Navy was heavily involved.

The temperature of the venue hovered around an enchanting 128 degrees Fahrenheit. An excellent vintage of Natural Light was served, along with a delicately mixed libation consisting of Watermelon Schnapps and lime green Jell-O.

"A shockingly bold taste, with a marvelous, plummy bouquet," evaluated a party-goer who gained entry to the sparkling assembly by assuring the student standing guard at the door that he kind of knows Mike from freshman orientation.

"YOU TOTALLY CAN'T EVEN TASTE THE ALCOHOL! IT'S LIKE I HAVEN'T BEEN DRINKING AT ALL!!!!" added Miss Whittier, who then asked the fourteen people nearest to her if they thought it was really hot in here, too.

The guests were serenaded by, among other notables, Dave Matthews and his Band, Miss Donna Summers, Messieurs D.J. Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, and Dexy's Midnight Runners. Attempts to move about in time to the music with some semblance of rhythm was ventured for a time and enjoyed by all.

The evening was brought to a glorious denouement when everybody got out after the last Natural Lite disappeared and "Hey Ya" was played for the 54th time. Mr. Langrish judged the gala an unmitigated smash.

"Next time," he said, "we'll have a strobe light."

rock on at: blondechampagne@hotmail.com

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