Still MORE BALLOONS!!

The truly awesome thing about the Democratic convention—other than the fact that it’s over and we will no longer be subjected to the sight of rich white people attempting to dance enmass—is that nobody’s talking about Kerry. We are instead discussing Mr. F-ing Balloon Man.

As if you needed further proof that the 24 hour media cycle does in fact have its head entirely too far up its own ass, the second this happened, Wolf "Right, Like That's Really My Name" Blitzer and Judy Dandruff started analyzing the tragically botched balloon drop. They immediately began very solemnly discussing Carter's 1980 convention, and how his balloon drop was also somewhat flaccid, and how, looking back, this was clearly an Omen of Doom for the entire campaign. Was this also the case for Senator Kerry? O Kerry! O he who was so cruelly betrayed by his own balloons!

Well, hell, I'm in the media. Let's see what Mr. F-ing Balloon Man has to say in his own defense:

Q: Mr. F-ing Balloon Man, what does America need the most as we forge into the 21st century?

MR. F-ING BALLOON MAN: We need more balloons.

Q: But how many balloons? Who’s to say how many balloons are enough?

MR. F-ING BALLOON MAN: We need all of them coming down. All balloons, what the hell!

Q: If you could ask President Bush one question in this fall’s debates, what would you ask him?

MR. F-ING BALLOON MAN: What's happening to the balloons? We need more balloons.

Q: And where do you stand on aspects of faith in the personal lives of these candidates?

MR. F-ING BALLOON MAN: Jesus! We need more balloons. I want all balloons to go, goddammit.

Q: Do you have anything to say to young people who may be just forming their political consciousness, perhaps even voting for the very first time?

MR. F-ING BALLOON MAN: What the fuck are you guys doing up there?

Q: Thank you, Mr. F-ing Balloon Man. We appreciate your time.

MR. F-ING BALLOON MAN: All balloons! All balloons! Keep going!