Body Image

I would like to know exactly when my nephews found it necessary to refer to me and their perfectly lovely mother as fat heifers.

Jim The Small Child Nephew was recently discussing my wedding, and he announced that after the ceremony, "Josh picked up Aunt Beth, and she was heavy." She was also having a wicked good mascara day, but he never says anything about that.

The King's baby brother, meanwhile, has shown appreciation to his mother for all the womb-carrying with the world's most backhanded compliment. He threw it down as his father's family was working on his people identification skills:

COUNTRY THE BROTHER-IN-LAW'S FAMILY: (pointing to Country) Who's that?

WILL THE BABY NEPHEW: Daddy!

COUNTRY THE BROTHER-IN-LAW'S FAMILY: (pointing to Julie The NephewsMama) Who's that?

WILL THE BABY NEPHEW: Cow.

At least Cow had the comfort of rationalization; Will's current favorite animal, she points out, is the cow. Maybe he was, therefore, trying to identify her as his favorite person. Or maybe he really, really misses breastfeeding.

oof at: mbe@drinktothelasses.com