Saturday, January 12, 2008

Gym Membership

By order of our bank accounts, my gym membership currently consists of the workout DVDs I've amassed over the years. They have titles like Your Wedding Workout and We Bet You Ate a Sandwich Today, You Fat, Fat Pig. The latest offered an introduction from cherry Instructor Lady whose accent varied, within one sentence, from Southern, to British, to Kiwi, to Boston College, and back beneath the Mason-Dixon. She assured me, multinationally, that all I required for our workout was a floor. Maybe, if I were the fancy sort, a mat.

Well... right on it, sister! Done! I cursored the DVD to the first workout. There was a title card, and then--

CHEERY INSTRUCTOR LADY: You're going to need a towel.

but in what hemisphere at: mbe@drinktothelasses.com

5 comments:

Toni said...

"Cherry, or cheery?" Because if it's the former, that must be quite an interesting DVD.

Red Pill Junkie said...

Why not jogging? I bet there are a couple of beautiful parks near your home. And with an Ipod full of NKOB tracks on your "Go Girl, Go!!" playlist, you'd be all set :-)

Jules said...

Ummm....do you actually mean "cheery"...? ;-)

I thought for a while about what you might have meant by calling her a cherry, but...nothing came to mind but pie, which would be incongruous with a workout video, doncha think....?

In any case....good morning from Oregon!

MB said...

Gosh darn it, it's-a-word-but-not-the-word-I-want spellcheck, you've done it again. Thanks guys.

Mike Marchand said...

One of my mom's coworkers gave her a twelve-day free trial membership to what's probably the fanciest gym in town for Christmas, and since she was on vacation for seven of those twelve days, she regifted it to me.

So I had to sit through a presentation and earnestly pretend that I was really interested in parlaying my trial membership into a full membership for $62/month — yeah, sixty-two clams a month, just for me — and used all their primo equipment for nothin'.

Unfortunately, the problem with high-end gyms is that everyone there is in really friggin' good shape. I felt like I had to join some other, minor-league gym before I could ever join that gym. It's that nice a place.

What I need is a place like Curves, which is more of a come-as-you-are kind of joint. Unfortunately, it happens to be females-only, but thankfully I didn't learn that the hard way. I think what I'm going to do is make an analogous gym called "Schlubs" for guys like me. You can play sports, then after the workout you can go to the sportsbar attached to the gym. Hey, hey, it'll serve light beer.

Or I could spend like $40 a month to join every 24 Hour Fitness in the world.

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