You Just Know a Bedazzler Has Been Deployed In the Blue Room

This year's White House Christmas theme, of which I heartily approve, is Holiday in the National Parks. Also known as "The Parts of America Which Will Kill You Without All That Unnecessary Human Intervention."

I watch White House Christmas on HGTV every single year, because it is craft porn. What this show does is follow the process of decorating the White House, all the while insinuating that you, too, can create a replica of the Cape Hatteras Lighthouse, had you merely access to the engineering blueprints, a private carpentry shop, a staff of full-time florists, 60 volunteers, and a glue gun.

Because that's what they used in the White House Christmas decorations, a glue gun. They didn't use it to put together the 300-pound gingerbread house for the State Dining Room, which would have made me feel much better, as a new homemaker; they used it to put together a shell wreath for the West Garden Room (How are you decorating your West Garden Room this year? Pre-lit topiary carousel horses? Me too!)

I slung a serious glue gun back in the day, before I copped to my own utter incompetence in the crafting arena. If you toss me a glue gun, large clumps of yellowish adhesive and tiny, mucus like strings hanging from the just-shot crafty object will soon follow. Release me into the White House with a loaded glue gun, and I will have the JFK desk in the Oval Office lumpily arrayed with ribbon lining in no time at all.

stick em up at: mbe@drinktothelasses.com