Saturday, December 22, 2007

"Diamonds: That'll Shut Her Up"

Good morning, The Readers and above quote from Ron White! Do we have room for an email?

Well! There's an infinitely expanding white box here that says... we do.

An email from The Reader who identifies him or herself as "*Fan*" writes:

"I am so curious to know what you think of all the Christmas-time jewelry commercials on TV right now...?"

Thanks for writing, "*Fan*." Well, *Fan*, (I need to get myself a set of asterisks; that's right snazzy) I'll tell you-- those commercials are awesome, and truly remind me of the real meaning of Christmas. I, for one, enjoy celebrating the welcoming of my Savior with a reminder that shiny things=love. What woman doesn't want a man who can only express himself via mall kiosk? What man doesn't want a woman who puts out only after he takes the hideous risk of placing unattended diamonds beneath some random evergreen at a corner tree lot so that she can find it?

My favorite jewelery-related commercial isn't from a jeweler at all, but a radio ad for a gambling casino. There's this guy? And he goes gambling? And then you hear him say, "Here, this is for yooooooou!" (it is at this point when I feel especially grateful that this all takes place on the radio) and a woman's voice responding, "Oh, it's beautiful!" To which the guy says-- hold on a second, I have to make sure I get it exactly right, so that you can appreciate the full impact... okay, got it--"Baby, it's worth it to see the look on your face." Yes, he certainly worked very hard rolling those dice across that table.

I invite all to this diamond-purchasing article, which reminds potential purchasers that "if she is a platonic friend, think twice about it as she might get the wrong message." Dude, not if you leave it lying around on some tree-intensive street corner. Then she'll totally get it.

every kiss begins with GIMMIE at: mbe@drinktothelasses.com

5 comments:

an-ony-moose said...

Exactly.
And myself, not being a girly girl...well, I reminded my sons that even though I gag at these commercials, their future wife may not "and you need to respect that".
To which my 8 year old responded totally deadpan, "thanks for the advice mom".
I do like the commercial with the guy who gives his wife the tissues, then the brown bag. Now that's a real man. Best of all he didn't actually buy the cars, he won them.ThatswhatI'mtalkingabout.
*Fan*

smc said...

Yes, I greatly dislike those commercials as well. I find it especially aggravating that the advertisers push the "give women jewelry, she only wants jewelry, only expensive jewelry will make her happy" concept and then skip away merrily while women are accused of being materialistic and demanding.

Grrr.

Starnarcosis said...

Earlier this month, my daughter showed me a list of 'man rules' which included a rule something like this :"We are not the guys in those diamond commercials on TV, and don't expect us to be."
What's worse to me is that for eleven months out of the year, I never even THINK about diamonds. But as soon as those commercials air, wham! gee, wouldn't it be neat if I got diamonds for Christmas? Which tells me that they're manipulative - they're not really selling diamonds, they're selling romance. Grrrr,

an-ony-moose said...

Frankly, I am so cheap that what would REALLY get me in the mood is:
My husband cheesily presenting me with a beautiful piece of jewelry...with the Walmart clearance tag still attached.
THAT totally gets me hot.
Seriously.
My husband spending money on overpriced jewelry is a personal affront. I have kids to feed!
Plus that one commercial where the guy is painting the girls' toenails and the narrator says "since that's totally not me" (or something) and then presents her with some bauble?
Well, that totally IS my husband, he loves to paint my toenails!
No need for diamonds here girls!
*Fan*

Mike Marchand said...

star, that's exactly what they're doing.

I may eventually buy a diamond for someone for Christmas, but I'll be damned if I'm getting someone a Lexus. Or a Jaguar. So those commercials can go die in a grease fire.

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