Wednesday, December 05, 2007

"Boring Conversation Anyway."

We have achieved the perfect geek storm for Christmas: The next Rifftrax will be The Star Wars Holiday Special.

This steaming pile aired when I was all of a year old, so I don't remember much of it except for all the weeping and rioting that followed. But I have seen it, thanks to eBay, and now it shall be tied to MSTiedom, forever. The Internet: The gift that just won't stop regurgitating the worst possible crap our society can create.

No, The Holiday Special is not commercially available, and blessedly so. It's perhaps the only Star Wars-related product George Lucas hasn't released, possibly only because the residual traces from the enormous amounts of cocaine that clearly powered this thing could be classified as a WMD. How bad is it? Even Lucas-- even Lucas, the man who served you "I hate sand" on a platter of CGI platinum-- once admitted, "That's one of those things that happened, and I just have to live with it." To my knowledge, there's no mention of it on the official Star Wars website, and, as we all know, if George doesn't like something, it never existed to begin with.

Well, George, you can't CGI-purge and redub a bootleg. The special introduces us to Chewbacca's family, which, if I recall correctly, involves Chewy's son, Lumpy, and his father, Itchy, because apparently Wookies only name their children after current skin conditions and cookie descriptors.

I can't wait.

now knowing what to get a Wookie for Christmas when he already owns a comb at: mbe@drinktothelasses.com

8 comments:

CortneyTree said...

...and don't forget the majesty of a young Jon Bon Jovi singing "R2-D2 We Wish You a Merry Christmas"!

Tony Rossi said...

Ah yes, how well Bea Arthur and Art Carney fit into the Star Wars universe. Who wouldn't think Maude and Norton in outer space is a good idea? Special props to the casting director on that one.

Red Pill Junkie said...

if George doesn't like something, it never existed to begin with.

I guess he copied that from that other George... ;-)

Katie said...

You can listen to the great Christmas classic album "Christmas In The Stars: Star Wars Christmas" at this site:

http://www.i-mockery.com/shorts/starwars-xmas/

I'm a little miffed they never answered the question to "what can you get a Wookie for Christmas when he already owns a comb" because that question has been bugging me for YEARS.

MB said...

Ah, but the issue is addressed later in the album, Katie: You get him a brush.

Starnarcosis said...

Perhaps this is one time it's GOOD that George didn't like it.

Katie said...

Silly me, MB, I should've listened to the rest of the songs more carefully.

MB said...

...No, you really shouldn't have. Enjoy the brain cells you maintained by not doing so.

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