Wednesday, November 28, 2007

It All Makes Sense Now

Most of you have probably seen that most requested of holiday gifts, the highly disturbing Jesus Is My Coach line of figurines. We Catholics have had a bead on this SportsCenter For Youth Jesus for at least two Popes now; I owned, in my youth, a muted pastel picture of the Messiah joyfully elbowing a second-grader out of way to get to a soccer ball. While wearing His sandals. Because He's the Son of God, and was likely never picked last when it came time to choose up teams: "I'll take Ezra, Bartholomew, Silas--oh, and the guy who can bilocate."

I'm pleased to announce the origin of Christ The Cross-Trainer:

This is an actual sign located in an actual church rec hall, and explains many, many things while raising certain other, far more disturbing questions. If leather soles aren't allowed, then I'm pretty sure Jesus and His sandals can't play, and I don't think He'd like that. But at least the faithful rests assured in the knowledge that He would never "kick balls over head."

In my parochial grade school, the principal once solemnly informed us via purple mimeographed letter and loudspeaker announcement that we were not permitted to "play throw up," with or without--again, directly quoting here--"the Nerd balls." You have to wonder how we all graduated with the athletic prowess to stride correctly through your average revolving door.

Then again, this could very well explain Notre Dame's season. Those non-throwing up kids left their Nerd balls at home for eight solid years, and now they can't block for shinola.

but the utter inability to serve a volleyball, I take total personal responsibility for that at: mbe@drinktothelasses.com

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

That sign! Hahaha! Thanks for sharing, MB ;)

Sara N

red pill junkie said...

Mmmm... this certainly wouldn't apply in a BOXING gym, I guess ;-)

red pill junkie said...

Whoa!

Even I'm having a döpelganger experience with an evit twin come from a parallel universe, or someone is using my name to posts messages.

The comment about Notre Dame: not mine

The comment about boxing: mine.

I had seen that happened once before, just like classickelly21, but I thought it was just a one-time prank. Whoever is doing this my answer is: Dude, that's just lame!

Red Pill Junkie said...

ok, from now on I'm using my gmail account.

I don't understand it, why does someone would WANT to be me, when I can barely stand being me myself???

Kayla :-) said...

LOL! Mb, I *knew* that you'd write about this! (My mother will have a fit when she sees this photo as she gave detailed instructions for it to be completely covered up for no one to see...) hehe. :-)

MB said...

Sorry, RPJ-- I don't know how this is happening, or why, but I deleted the comment that was not yours.

Anybody else who finds themselves duplicated, please let me know.

Kell Belle said...

RPJ-
I felt the same way, why would anyone choose to be me? I changed my account to see my gmail now too.
KB

MB-
So sorry this is happening on your site but I am glad it was here and not my bank account.
KB

Red Pill Junkie said...

Yeah, it kinda sucked, but I'm just glad I caught it in time, before my evil twin had the chance to get really insulting toward MB or any of the fellow Readers.

Mike Marchand said...

Earlier this year we had a troll who was assuming the usernames of just about everyone, including MB, JTP, and myself. Methinks he's back.

I approve of the login feature, even though I can't be someone different every time I comment. So this is me: Mike The Long-Term Reader.

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