Monday, November 05, 2007

In Which I Once Again Appeal to the Collective Wisdom of The Readers

I'm aiming for a columnist job--not saying any more than that, jinxies and all--and was wondering if you, my vaunted The Readers, had any nominations for sample pieces which might be included in the application package. I'm already leaning towards Aunt Beth (which I originally wrote about a decade ago, long before I actually became an aunt, and still pet the fair head of) and I (Heart) the Crocodile Hunter and It Sucks That He Is Dead, but I need a couple more. (That is correct: An entire lifetime of writing results in two pieces that I kind of don't-hate.) The best candidates are longer pieces of around 800 words; much as I would like to submit a picture of Jim The Small Child Nephew sprawled on the floor with caption announcing the breaking news that small children are amusing, that's not going to cut it.

Also, if you are the praying kind, I would appreciate a shout-out. Today is the first day in my life I've never had a day job waiting beneath the freelance tightrope, and needless to say I'm tempted to do a lot of drinking, here in the pre-noon hour. Not necessarily due to the financial tension, but because if there's no day job... well, I'm out of excuses if my writing career doesn't now get where I want to go. I stand before you egotistically naked, which, trust me, is scary, but is far better for you than the other, arrestable kind of naked.

breezy at: mbe@drinktothelasses.com

27 comments:

hillsideslide said...

I love your one about Montana- the Ranch vacations.

And, the VT one where you ended by comparing the shooter with The Prof- who chose to be a giver.

My humble opinion.

And, I'm shooting up a prayer or two ;)

Jules said...

On the upside of it all, no day job means lots and lots of time to write!!

Anonymous said...

The Incredible Shrieking Padme

red pill junkie said...

Well, those blogs about the Space Shuttle have always been very powerful in their emotional message :-)

Best of luck!

Anonymous said...

I'm gunna go with the MSNBC article on why Snape is the awesomest teacher (beacuse it's the reason I decided to start reading BlondChampagne, and its just awesome) and a blog you wrote about how nerve wracking it is to be a teacher on Student Assessment Day, or the one where you got entirely ready for the first day of school a day early (because those two have made me laugh hardest of all)

I think they were written around the same time.

Good Luck!

Adrian said...

I think my all time favorite one was about the Johnny Appleseed porn. I don't know why, but that struck me as so funny, I'll likely never forget it. I was actually in a fast food place with an apple decor this weekend and I thought of that and laughed.

willow3x3 said...

What about that story you wrote about your reaction to 9/11? Is it too long to submit? That is brilliant writing. (You did write that, didn't you?) My link sends me to something called "flyover territory."

amy lou the reader said...

Prayers to St. Joseph are on their way, MB!

I second hillsideslide - the Ranch vacations and the Virginia Tech pieces are very good, serious pieces.

And, like others, the Severus Snape piece was what first led me to Blond Champagne!

There have been several that made me laugh out loud, but I have to look back to remember them (my brain is a mishmash of a gazillion other things right now).

I'll get back to you. And good luck!

mike has wisdom teeth said...

I immediately thought of the VT one as well, but hillside beat me to it.

I'm also available for a Grotto visit, if you'd like. Though after 1-8 . . . ONE AND EIGHT SOMEONE KILL ME NOW ahem . . . anyway, I don't know how much it will help, but it's something.

AnnaPink said...

I love the ranch ones too. I also like that one about going to your bff's wedding, and she wore the little blue barrette (sp?) under her veil. That was so sweet, and made me tear up. Also the time when you were a kid and won the writing contest...

Tamar said...

Your visit to Normandy (I think) The post may be too long, but it IMMEDIATELY popped into my mind. I will have to search and go read it again, but not until after work. Bosses frown upon greeting people w/ tears flowing down your cheeks. Beautiful tribute to the men lost that day.

Tamar said...

Aha! Here it is:

http://blondechampagne.blogspot.com/2006/10/our-liberators.html

Anonymous said...

Your piece on your BFF's wedding made me cry (in a good way). And "The Envelope" (the one in which you question whether Josh's plane is pregnant) was my first MB piece and I still LOVE it.

Anonymous said...

aww.
look at all the awesome suggestions.
i don't recall what brought me here but it had to have been intelligent and witty...and you have a gift for making it feel like you and I think exactly alike in a way that no one else gets.
obviously they do get it, which is why everyone loves you.
thinking good thoughts for ya!

2xgtld said...

I agree with the Severus Snape piece- it also brought me here and I laughed so hard I cried.

Also, your piece about racing down I-4 to get to Tampa to watch the horse race- I still remember that one. Pathos and humor all at the same time.

Unrelated, and perhaps not "inspirational" writing- but you had a piece where you described your "pretty girl" dress, trying to be a big shot professor, and getting toilet paper caught in the back of it. I learned about "blog" writing from that one- your "voice" was VERY clear and hilarious. I use it as an example of why I read a blog!

Good luck- and keep us updated!

Rachel said...

I'm going to second the people who said Snape ("Turtleneck?" ALWAYS gets me) and the VT piece . . . I mean, if those two don't show range, I don't know what does.

red pill junkie said...

Oh yeah! the Snape one is gooood.

Also, the very first one I read from you was the one you did for Msnbc about Obi Wan Kenobi, when Ep. 2 went out.

Oh! And I also remember the one abou Josh's pet newt that he kept in his bathroom. That was hilarious too.

Anonymous said...

The newt, the Snape, the one about Seabiscuit (which film i only saw this last week and had never seen Gary Stevens ever doing anything before including riding, but I loved him in this, especially the "have a good ride" bit at the end - argh! turn green Tobey, the man has it all over you AND he's a champion jockey) and anything about Star Wars, which subject, in my opinion, brings out the epic bard in you (pity it didn't bring it out in G. Lucas).

Cheers and - er - I-don't-do-prayer-but-I-can-do-Stern-Thoughts-at-the-people-who-should-hire-you-if-they-know-what's-good-for-their-circulation-figures

from

Alexandra (happy cos Purple Moon got 2nd in the Melbourne Cup just now and I had money on it!)

Starnarcosis said...

It may not be long enough, but personally I think "Home Game" is a great example of why I come back to read every day. Birthday Karma is hysterical, also. Sending up prayers~!

MissDirected said...

I like the Snape article, but the article that really turned me into a Blonde Champagne fan was the Narnia one. I still say, "In a TIME... where CHRIST was a LION..." every time I watch that movie.

jcat said...

A couple of my favorites are the one where you see the guy at the Toyota dealership about possibly trading in the blondemobile, and the one about your first (I think) hurricane experience in Florida, the one that ends (something like) 'I won't tell you what happened there in the dark, but it envolved chocolate and marshmellows and was delicous'.

boblawblogger said...

My personal fave and the thing that led me to Blonde Champagne was the piece on Mr. Darcy/Colin Firth from MSNBC. But all the other suggestions on this page are excellent, especially the VA Tech piece.

I will light a candle at the grotto for you, there's no better place to go when you need guidance.

Rebecca the Reader said...

I totally second the "plane is pregnant" post - I still laugh at that when nobody is looking. :-)

http://blondechampagne.blogspot.com/2004/11/it-really-does-hold-world-together.html

Anonymous said...

I got sucked into the Blonde Champagne vortex by the MSNBC article discussing the merits of Colin Firth vs. Matthew McFayden as Mr. Darcy. To this date, my friends and I use "Firth" as a verb.... but we're geeks like that.

MB said...

Anon, I so appreciate hearing that since for some reason that article was incredibly tough for me to write. I vividly remember slumping over at my desk at the University of Airplanes, struggling mightily to make the word count. It took all of Ryan the Rocket Scientist's considerable encouragement powers to get me to the magic 1000 mark. So good to know a couple people liked it :)

Many thanks to all for the kind comments and suggestions. I'm still deciding, so if anyone has other nominations, I'm still accepting applications.

SaharaChick said...

SIL, I have to ditto tamar's suggestion. The one on your visit to Normandy strikes me as one of your more powerful pieces. It made me cry...which is not easy to accomplish...me and the written word don't usually get emotional.
Love you!

ShannJ said...

Lots of great suggestions here, I just wanted to let you know that I'll keep you in my prayers!

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