Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Competent Offical Homemaker UPDATE

O my people, now there are cupcakes.

Nice cupcakes, right? Fully respectable cupcakes. A good dozen. They're from scratch.

But then, so are these:

What happened here? These are the cupcakes of Satan. They are the scariest pastries I have ever seen, and they are from my hands, and I am frightened. I should have known not to trust what was going on with the batter at the bottom of the bowl. It had this weird, gooey-lump quality to it, but did that stop me, nooooooo, I was all, "Well, it's sugar! Therefore, good!" and into the flute cup it went, because I'm still managing this amazing compulsion to assume that if something doesn't taste good going into the oven, a few minutes at 350 degrees is magically going to fix it.

Then there's the Singer Saga, in which my beloved sewing machine and I had it out in the kitchen for about an hour and a half. I was laying my considerable seamstress skeelz on the line and attempting to hem curtains, and what happened was not a hemmed curtain, but a ball of fabric with this utter mass of thread on the bottom. Here, I drew you a picture:

(actual size)

It was just this highly unfortunate growth right on the middle of the hemline, with the density of a black hole and, left unattended, will swallow Virgina whole. That's not very nice of me, introducing something like this into my new state. I need to go back to addressing my icing issues.

cream cheese out of the can for the cupcakes at:


kredin said...

If you need an official taste-tester for these delicious looking pastries, I volunteer.

BB said...

Why are those cupcakes all different sizes?

Starnarcosis said...

Just think back to all of Anne of Green Gables' misadventures in cooking. And she grew up to be the most perfect wife and mother (after Marmee) in the universe.

Life's a Laugh said...

The former pic of pastries looks great! Ignore the latter. At least they weren't on fire. I know someone who has done that. Besides, frosting covers everything. :)

Toni said...

When baking multiple batches from the same set of batter, I often re-whip the second portion to re-aerate the batter before baking. However, frosting can hide a multitude of sins.

jcat said...

Isn't carmelization great, until it goes way past carmelization into Oh-God-I've-destroyed-SUGAR! The good news is that since it's sugar, just soak the pan in water and it'll come right off. No fix for the cupcakes though, except to quicky throw out the evidence then claim you only made a half batch.

I'm The Cake Lady, and I learned long ago that I must set timers or I forget I'm baking (no, really). I made a 1/2 sheet cake (18 x 12 inches and takes 3 cake mixes) for a wedding reception last week and had to throw the entire thing away because I baked it, oh 45-60 minutes longer than it needed to be. It was still edible, in the middle, if you scrapped off the really brown parts.

Heather said...

Wow! I think you should just be in denial that those things ever happened. What cupcakes???

Jess said...

It takes time to earn your PhD (Perfect Housewife and Domestic), so no use crying over crispy cupcakes. Besides, as has been mentioned, frosting covers a multitude of sins.

Me? I'm like Rachael Ray; aside from a few blessed staples, I cannot bake to save my life. It's just not my spiritual gift.

Anonymous said...

Regarding the thread black hole: I think you have tension issues. With sewing, I mean. You have to balance the tension of the bobbin thread with the tension on the spool thread by adjusting the tension dial. Or, you could just use fusible fabric tape and be done with it. :)

Anonymous said...

I think you should adopt my motto:

It might not look pretty or taste great but when I cook I put myself heart and soul into my dishes, so you not trying it is like you saying you don't treasure my love.

A couple of well placed tears helps with the delivery of this line.

Of course, it never hurts to have some store bought dishes on hand, in case it really is THAT bad.

Monica said...

I agree with anonymous about the sewing problem - you have tension issues. I always had trouble getting the bobbin set just right, and my results usually looked much like yours. Amazingly enough, I actually won blue ribbons for my sewing when I was in 4H. See, there is hope!

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