Tuesday, September 18, 2007

The World's Most Overrated Beach

People are often shocked! to hear that while I miss the weather, there's not a great deal of mourning on my part for the fair city of Daytona Beach. They have this picture of a total party town with pristine beaches and glorious clubs, and... just... no.

Daytona Beach is a used condom of a town; it's quite obvious that fun went on here at some point, but it's well over and not likely to be employed in the same way ever again. The surrounding area is an aged biker chick, all leathery swangin' and smoker's cough.

While Daytona is home to the finest salt water taffy in the history of the universe, the most popular bar in town holds the title merely because the proprietors managed to hang onto the on-the-beach liquor license, a proud history attested to by its outdoor PVC piping fence. Its signature dance club? Is called Razzles.

I have fond memories of Pac Man for a quarter on the boardwalk and evening sashays on packed-down sand with my beloved, but for the most part I was spoiled by the cheerful Apollo stodginess of Cocoa Beach; any recommendations for Daytona are drowned out by a decided lack of sleep during the Rolex 24 hour race and cherished moments of schlepping laundry through the large-to-medium river that often coursed through my apartment complex's parking lot. O Daytona Beach, Land Of a High School Senior On Spring Break Pushing A Carriage Containing A Three Month Old-- let me know when you're done sleeping it off.

just one more t-shirt shop at: mbe@drinktothelasses.com


Dan-the-Soldier/Brother-In-Law said...

Awe come on! It isn't all that bad. I had fun the couple of times I visited Josh there. But I guess it's different when you live there.

E said...

"Daytona Beach is a used condom of a town..." I don't think I've ever seen that in the tourist brouchure, but now that I think about it, it makes sense. I always wondered what happened in the winter once all the spring breakers went home and it was too cold for biker leather.

CortneyTree said...

"Daytona Beach is a used condom of a town"

I know you're a writer and all, so I shouldn't be surprised, but I cannot for the life of me express how much I love that description. It is, incidentally, exactly how I feel about Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg. When people hear I'm from Tennessee and they respond with, "Oh, we went to Gatlinburg once!" I visibly cringe. And then the twitching starts...

Ophelia said...

Your description is the most accurate way I have ever heard Daytona Beach described.
I was there once. For one night. I couldn't for the life of me understand what all the hype was about. OK, so you could drive on the beach. Whoopie. I wasn't expecting to find it so run down.
Looking back, it does remind me of a used biker chick, left behind as the world moved on without her.

Kayla :-) said...

I think everyone has moments when they feel that way to some degree about the place they reside. Some places are worse than others, especially places with a reputation of some sort(whether good or bad). Once a friend and I were discussing our local area and she described our entire county as being "The Depression Era".

Brent Bowen said...

"Daytona Beach is a used condom of a town"

This is quite possibly the best description of Daytona Beach that I've ever heard. I am an RA this year at Riddle, and I shared this with my residents because I was so fascinated by it.

They laughed until they cried.

Paul said...

truer words? never typed. though i admit i find entertainment in witnessing the weekly stabbings at razzles.

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