Monday, August 13, 2007

Given The Chair

As our living space currently resembles a Levitz showroom, only tackier and with slightly more beer, today I resorted to the Official Newlywed Form of Decorating: Hurling sheets over third-hand furniture in a pathetic attempt to convince myself that this is Jackie Kennedy-level redecorating. We have a recliner that has descended from my grandfather to Julie The NephewsMama to us; I am fond of this chair, as it is the last major furniture purchase made on Grandpa's behalf. He used to bust out the tape of his golden wedding anniversary Mass, fast-forward to Communion, sit back, and play a cheerful round of "Who's Dead?"

"He's gone," he'd say as an eighth-grade classmate filed past. "Oh, her too."

My grandfather has since gone to join the rest of the Communion line, but the chair's early-90's upholstery remains. Target carried recliner covers, but they cost eighty dollars and were the color of what I found on the WetWipe the last time I changed Will The Baby Nephew's diaper.

In newlywed terms, reupholstering is a car payment and two steak knives. It remains on the ten-year plan list, somewhere between "replace carpeting with hardwood laminate" and "carry out hit on large barking dog next door." I backed the chair against the wall and threw a navy blue quilt in its general direction and hoped that Trading Spaces would just keep on driving.

reclining at:


Flying Fatality said...

Excellent! In the spirit of your latest decorating woe is this: I went to Wal Mart and bought a nice comforter for my bed, so I could retire the college-aged quilt on my 30 year old mattress. My VERY FIRST comforter purchase! After about two days, my cat decided to pee on the comforter. And wouldn't you know...the thing can only be drycleaned. I pay the $30 to clean it...and then she pees on it again. Hence, the bunched up comforter in a garbage bag on top of my dusty treadmill. Any advise on this pee problem would be appreciated.

Anonymous said...

I really like your blog!

Em said...

I feel your pain, MB. My living room consists of an inherited grandparent recliner and a vintage 70s chair with an ottoman I salvaged from the dump. 70s Chair and Ottoman are proudly covered in the most half-assed homemade slipcovers EVER. Wal-mart fabric, some uninspired sewing and lots of tucking. It's not pretty, but I'll be damned if I lay out $80 for something with ruffles from Bed Bath and Beyond.

AlaskaMe said...

Awww yes - as I too look around my living room I realize all my furishings are the exact same ones I grew up with and have absolutely no intention of changing at this moment because since my family is not up here it's still makes it feel more like home. Change is not always good.

Anonymous said...

When I moved out, I received the "formal Living Room couch"; a couch that was as ugly as home made sin but was like brand new because we could never sit on it because it was for company of which we didn't have very much. It had the ugliest rust & gold flowers on it but it was really long and comfortable. Don't know what happened to that couch but it served it's purpose. And slipcovers are such a scam for the price! You are better off just throwing a sheet over it; it looks the same!

Sara N

red pill junkie said...

"Any advise on this pee problem would be appreciated."

Kill the cat ;-)

Anonymous said...

Awe damn, Red Pill Junkie got my idea for taking care of the cat problem elucidated before I got a chance! I'm "anon" here, but I read this everytime MB or JTP posts. Coming from someone who's held a marriage together through thick & thin for 23 years now, relax about the home decor, MB - trust me on this one - "clean enough to be safe, dirty enough to be comfortable" is a good mantra for setting up your daily living space! :)

Toni said...

MB, I suggest checking out E-bay.

(Not that I'm judging, we did the "afghan thrown over and tucked liberally" thing for a couple years ourselves.)

Starnarcosis said...

I purchased my first new couch EVER a few months back. No one is allowed to eat in the living room anymore. I actually have Resolve for upholstery on hand in case a snoring husband drools on a matching throw pillow.
I sorta miss the old couch, which had washable slipcovers and knew where my hips should go when I stretched out.

amy lou the reader said...


One word - IKEA. Especially for the flooring, if you're handy enough to install it yourself.

flying fatality:

We have the exact same problem, except our cat likes the rug by our bathtub. No place else. And she doesn't do it if the rug is missing. So I think she doesn't like something about the smell/texture of the rug, and it's probably the same with your (now defunct) comforter.

If the comforter is the only place she goes, I'd suggest closing your bedroom door and see if that fixes the problem.

If she doesn't stop, I'd take her to the vet. It may be a kidney or bladder problem.

red pill junkie said...

Yo all you cat lovers:

I WAS KIDDING! I love all creatures great and small, sometimes I wonder if my life would have been happier if instead of design I would had studied Veterinary.

I don't think is a bladder problem what your cat has flying fatality. It may be your puss is just marking its territory. Is it a male or a female?

Flying Fatality said...

Thanks for all the kitty advise y'all. My cat, Fray, is a girl. And as my father says. "That cat is from HELL!!" I disagree, but she does tend to attack strangers. I think I'm going to try closing the door, and buy a new box. Hopefully that helps.

Anne from Iowa said...

Hey MB,

It took me ten long years until I was able to get new furniture. And as soon as I got said furniture it was covered immediately with hair shed by our numerous pets. So, now I want to by a cover for it anyways. I should have just kept the old and switched around the covers. Probably would have been as satisfying. Well, OK, not really.

My male cat used to pee on whatever article of clothing he could find - but only when his litterbox was full or if something was wrong with it. Maybe yours doesn't like the placement of hers.

red pill junkie said...

"I think I'm going to try closing the door, and buy a new box."

Well, if that doesn't help, you can always resort to HOLY water ;-)

Ange said...

21 years and I still haven't gotten the new furniture. I did learn one thing, though. If you put the sheet (or large piece of brown fabric as I have) on the couch without the cushions, and then place the cushions on top of the sheet, the cover stays in place. I covered my cushions with some fabric I got online for cheap.

Previous Tastings