Friday, July 13, 2007

It's Not About the Toasters

Tomorrow is my wedding day.

Life is not... normal. My gel fingernails are painted pale blue, and this week my mother stayed up until one in the morning using a toothpick to poke ribbon through the holes of two dozen thank-you favors.

Today she will iron the skirt of the dress I have been fretting over for seven months. On her own wedding day, she and her maid of honor ironed her train, then watched while my grandfather, after she carefully wedged into the family station wagon, balled it up and tossed it in after her.

I doubt anyone noticed the wrinkled mass it became, as they were likely too busy wondering how we as a nation could produce the following fashion statement, modeled here by my father:

And in twenty years, I'm quite sure that viewings of pictures from my own wedding day will result in deep self-analysis. Why blue fingernails? Pewter waistcoats on the tuxes, why?

The reception will be unsurpassed in surreality, as College World collides with Cousin World, In-Law World, High School World, and People I Met At a Mystery Science Theater 3000 Convention World. Nuns who knew me from my birth will break bread with the people I met at wine education training.

From the snatches I can recall of my sister's wedding, it will go fast, and it will go like this: I'll be standing at the altar, and the one thing I'll be thinking is "This... is happening." After hours of horrible little details and matching fonts, it will be happening.

I want to marry with a clean soul, and so I hereby offer apologies to anyone I have angered, offended, hurt, upset, or cut off in traffic. I did a lot of these things, particularly recently, and the fact that my pending sister-in-law's dress arrived at 11:21 AM yesterday from Hong Kong is no excuse.

The primary aspect of this entire procedure that will stay with me is the overwhelming kindness of those who surround me. Last night I saw my best friend's mother on her hands and knees, pinning the ice blue hem of The Bridesmaid Dress That Traveled Round the World. Two college friends watched me bury my face in my hands and announce that I had three weeks to teach myself advanced PowerPoint for the reception slide show, and offered to give a work holiday over to pulling together a DVD so I wouldn't have to worry about it. My sister, between scrubbing the floor and cleaning the bathroom as her two sons bounced around her, sat down at the kitchen table and painted my nails. Three coats.

And you, The Readers, quite overwhelmed me with your registry generosity. I could win a Pulitzer (actually-- no I couldn't) and it would never mean as much as your sewing machines and ice scoops.

I do not deserve these people. They seem not to notice, which I don't deserve either.

I've been telling everyone I was on my own in Florida, but the fact is I was never alone. I will go to my wedding from my father's house after six weeks of concentrated family time. Last week I met my mother, sister, and nephews at a department store; as I came around the corner of the aisle Will The Baby Nephew looked up at me from his stroller and smiled. The week before that, he toddled three and a half steps forward into my arms; the week before that, his older brother set his hands on my shoulders and leaned over my computer screen, gazing wonderingly at pictures of his royal self.

There's a scene in The Ten Commandments, the Official Biblical Epic of BlondeChampagne, in which Moses, MOOOOOSES!, after discovering he is Hebrew, looks at his hands, saying, "What change is there in me?... These are the same hands, the same arms, the same face that were mine a moment ago." Somehow I've been under the impression that I'll be this completely different person after marrying-- like I'll be an Official Grown-Up, or somehow competent, or something. I doubt it.

But I'll let you know.

22.5 hours at:


Cbell said...

May you feel nothing but blessings tomorrow as you meet your husband!

Jules said...

Many warm wishes for your Big Day!

Thank you for giving me something to look forward to every day - reading your newest posts! - and for sharing your stories.

May you and Josh live long and prosper in your new life together.

JeanR said...

Do tell -- why the blue fingernails? =) I do hope you will have someone post a picture of the happy couple asap. I can't wait to see you in your full wedding glory!! Hang in there and try to have fun.

Cortney Tree said...

My wedding was May 23rd. My reception is August 25th. It's been nice, having this space in between, but I have missed the registry explosion. Hopefully it's coming any day now that the invitations have gone out. Anyway, No, you will not wake up Sunday feeling a bit more grown up than you did this morning. It just doesn't work that way. But what I can tell you is that, whenever I look at my new husband, I can't help but think that marrying each other is just the best damn decision we every made. Every decision since then we've made together, and one morning in the very near future you WILL wake up and realize that BOTH of you have grown up some how, without ever realizing, and that the love you feel for each other has grown as well, has deepened with the knowledge that, no matter what, you will always have each other. At least, that's how we feel. And it's swell.

Rachel said...

I have chills of excitement for you. I am so happy for you both.

Anonymous said...

Well, it could go like this . . .

With this shoe, I thee brain ...
Bride arrested after attacking groom with stiletto heel during reception

AP news article on todays

red pill junkie said...

I'm glad the dress finally arrived and that problem was settled.

You guys have a wonderful time tomorrow, have joy and laughter with all your loved ones. We the members of the blondechampagne community will be there with you in spirit.

tamar said...

As usual your words are heartwarming, sweet, and hilarious. Thank you for sharing your memories and your life with us. Though we have never met, I identify with you, and (I swear I'm not a stalker) I feel like we're friends. I know that I can always click here for a tender poignant post, or something that will have me peeing my pants laughing so hard! One way or another, Your blog is a highlight of my day. You deserve each and every one of us, your readers. You bring more to us than you could ever realize, and I wish to thank you for that.

P.S. Though I will miss it, you better have better things to do on your honeymoon than post here!!! :)

amy lou the reader said...


My one bit of advice for tomorrow is to savor every single second. As you noted, it goes by so quickly. Tomorrow night, you'll look back and realize how the time just flew.

I know tomorrow will be beautiful, wonderful - everything you imagined and wanted.

Congratulations, MB and JtP, and big hugs from Wisconsin. :-)

Shellybelly said...

Er? They've had MST3K conventions? I feel a pang of loss.. I never knew.

Well besides that slightly inconsequential bit... I've been reading your blog for a few months now, and since you have feedback, I feel it's only proper to wish you a very happy and lovely day tomorrow. May your pale blue nail polish never chip and may your day, as your life with your new husband, be absolutely wonderful. Cheers!!

LiteraryAlchemist said...

Congrats, MB and JTP! May your life together be great, fun, funny, clever, airborne and whatever else flips ya'll's switches.

Funny's the most important part, though. Because, that's why I read your blog. And I'm selfish like that.

Jess said...

I am so excited for you... I've been following this blog for so long, and I'm glad to see things work out for you so well!

Riona said...

very best wishes! Try to take a few minutes together during the day - it really goes by quickly. Best of luck!

BTW, I had my blue toenails for my wedding :-)

stacey said...

Well, it's time! Try to let those amazing folks who have already proven their awesome-ness have all the stress tomorrow. Just show up, look breathtaking, and try to take in every second. I'll be sending up wedding day prayers and waiting for pictures!

Joy Renée said...

congrats on the book signing, the marriage, and the blue fingernails!

Missy said...

Don't be nervous anymore - what can be planned has been planned. Just relax and enjoy your day! We will all be anxiously awaiting a recap of the events - but NOT until AFTER you get home from your honeymoon! And now a few words from our sponsor:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

Mark The Reader said...

Congratulations, MB! I know you'll do great and have fun with Josh on the honeymoon!

ShannJ said...

Best wishes MB and JtP. You deserve all the love and happiness in the world. You deserve all the love of your friends and family and each other. Enjoy every minute of your day. It will fly by, but it will also be beautiful, memorable, and special. I am so glad we will be there to share it with you. Can't wait!!!

CJ The Reader said...

MB and Josh: God's blessings to you on your wedding day. We will all be thinking about you and wishing you the Best. Wedding. Ever!

Ophelia said...

My advice to you is to take everything in stride and ENJOY your day. When something happens and it's not in your favor - just take a deep breath. For example, when the waitress dumps a bowl of pepto-pink creamy raspberry dressing on the hem of your white, white dress take a moment to reflect before you freak. Think to yourself "Do my guests want to remember the bride having a total meltdown or is this something that we want to look back upon and laugh further down the road?"

Trust me, take the deep cleansing breath, a gulp of wine and smile. You will look back and laugh.

(True story, too)
Best wishes to you and JtP!

Chelsea said...

So excited for you two. You are going to be so happy! Best wishes!

Elisabeth the (first) roommate said...

I was fortunate enough to enjoy the hospitality of the BFFE and her family as I was in town for the wedding. I observed the mother of the BFFE frantically cut and sew and add fabric (not quite the right color, but close enough!) to the bridesmaids' dresses through the wee hours of the morning and until 10:30 AM (a mere 3 hours before the wedding began). Kudos and blessings to Mrs. Smith for the love and work that went into making MB's day absolutely perfect!

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