Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Not To Worry

I'm at that point in wedding planning when I spend most of my time wincing and rubbing the fingers of my right hand against my forehead, a habit I did not own at all until pretty much the second I got engaged. The ring went on, the hand went to the forehead, one of the bridesmaid's dresses came back from the Hong Kong-based seamstress six inches shorter than the other two, and the hand went to the forehead again.

Today was Veil Practice. I went to the hairdresser, and totally hated the result, including the psychotherapy that is supposed to come with a hair appointment. Stylists are like bartenders for women. Part of their job is to soak up all the crap of life in their big plastic capes, and send you back out into the world a little better better volumized, a little happier.

I left with large chunks of degenerated, spray-chunked hair and an even more creased forehead than when I went in. My stylist missed Psych 101 Day in hair school.

Most hairdressers try to sustain conversation during the session; since I, as you all know, hate people, I tend to arrive at these events fully loaded with pre-recorded snippets of polite conversation to keep things moving between the conditioner rinse and the hair dryer. So I got in the chair, and it went like this:

STYLIST: Now are you from Florida?

ME: OMGbridesmaidsdressbuyingahouseI'veneverseengroominATCtrainingDaltonTrumbo.

STYLIST: (Forty-second pause) ...it's okay.

It is most assuredly not okay. You're not okay, I'm not okay. Suck it up, Frenchy. I want my 15% tip back.

back to the forehead at: mbe@drinktothelasses

17 comments:

Cbell said...

Having spent over 4 hours on Saturday trying to get highlights done (HIGHLIGHTS! The simplest of all coloring projects) I left the salon with yellow bangs. Yellow. Bangs. That's it.

The styling staff knew it was bad and the manager is standing before me AFTER FOUR HOURS telling me how great my yellow bangs are.

"You don't see that style much anymore, I'm glad you want to be out of the box"

No tip for her.

Anonymous said...

When my brother got married, I had my hair done for the occasion. I wanted loose curls and I should've known when the stylist pulled out the hot rollers that it was going to be bad. When I got to my sister's house, she looked at me in abject horror and we tried everything to mash my hair down-we even tried putting a bowl over my head but the hair just would not decrease in size. I looked like Reba McEntire in the 80's. It was bad, real bad.
My advice on the hair: don't do something you wouldn't normally do because it won't look like the real you. Believe me, Reba knows!

SJN

Josh The Pilot said...

SJN,
Thank you! Finally someone who sees things from my point of view. MB and I have been in an "intense discussion" over the past two days concerning her decision to get professional hair and makeup done for the wedding. I would prefer she simply do what she does with her hair and makeup when we go on a nice date, that way I'll actually recognize her when she's coming down the aisle, and we'll save some money in the process.
She has tried to assure me that she won't let a stylist go crazy with her hair, and she'll tell the makeup person to keep it light. The problem is my idea of simple/minimal hair and makeup is vastly different from a professional's.
Perhaps I'll put a wad of tissues in my pocket before the ceremony. A few in case I cry, which I might, and some more to wipe off MB's lips before I kiss her after the vows. She knows I can't stand kissing her with anything on her lips.

Tamar said...

LOL! MB! I'm not the only one! I generally do not wear much (if any) makeup, and my hubby H.A.T.E.S. kissing me when I have lipstick on.

May I suggest (going to purse to check label....) OK, It's Cover Girl. It comes w/ 2 'sticks' (for lack of a better description). One looks like a lip gloss (the color one) and then a top coat that locks the color on. Ummm, they have blue on them (the top coat is in a blue tube, and the color's lip glossy type top is blue, with the color visible below.)

Yeah, you can tell that I totally wear makeup all the time<> - sarcasm intended.

I think I bought this 5 months ago or more, and I still have lots left. My hubby will kiss me when I'm wearing it, and won't even complain! (That's saying something!) It's a long wear deal that does not leave your lips half stained the next day, like you were out sucking blood or strawberries all night. :)

Oh, and I thank you. Because of this little foray (sp?) into my purse I also know that my lipstick was made in Ireland. Bo-Nus!

I guess you could call me a Celtiphile? Have a wonderful time, no matter WHAT your hair and makeup look like. :)

recentlymarried said...

I like your idea SJN...but I didn't do it that way. I couldn't ever get my hair curled the right way when I tried to do it on my own for fancy dates, so I had my longtime hair person come do it for me. She is a great listener and my hair turned out absolutely beautiful. To each her own, I suppose...

red pill junkie said...

"One looks like a lip gloss (the color one) and then a top coat that locks the color on. Ummm, they have blue on them (the top coat is in a blue tube, and the color's lip glossy type top is blue, with the color visible below.)"

BLUE LIPS?? 8-[

With that kind of color, your husband may not intend to kiss you, but to RESUCITATE you ;-)

I understand Josh's point of view about keeping the hair and make up simple, but alas, one does have to realize that for girls the wedding is a BIG thing. Since it's the only time (ideally) when they'll get the chance to wear the big white dress, they want something special for the hair too. Think of it this way Josh, the hair is not intended to impress YOU, but the bride's girlfriends...

college gal said...

Although I haven't had the chance to walk down the aisle yet, I would suggest you do what I did for my prom - bring lots of pictures of what you want your hair to look like.

And if it doesn't look anything at all how you want it to look, don't hesitate to tell them to do it again. Use the pictures to emphasize your point.

As for the make-up, I just walked up to the Chanel counter in Macy's (I think you guys have Dillard's down south?) and asked them to do my makeup. Chanel = classy, right? I purchased one tiny tube of lip gloss (for $30) and considered it money well-spent!

Josh The Pilot said...

Tamar,
Perhaps we'll give it a try, and I'll see if I can deal with kissing her while she's wearing that stuff.

College gal,
Thanks for the tip. Shucks, I'LL take the pictures of her hair when she does it how I like it.

Can I get some kudos for being an involved groom, rather than simply showing up at the front of the church on time?

Anonymous said...

Involved groom or control freak groom?

cousin alicia said...

MB, you are smart to have someone do a trial run on your hair, if anything to figure out exactly how long you need at the salon before getting to the church on time. I was late to the church for that reason and our photographer was pissed.

Josh, I think when we gals dream about our wedding day there is a certain "look" we want to achieve that is a bit more than dressing up for a date. And to achieve that look may require the assistance of a professional. And it helps to be able to blame someone else if something doesn't go right on that day. If MB is standing in front of a mirror ticked off because she can't get that one strand of hair to behave on her wedding day, she will be a lot better off blaming a stylist than placing blame on herself.

Now makeup is a different issue. I had mine done by the hair stylist, but he used all his products that I had never used before. It caused breaking out over the honeymoon that I didn't appreciate.

tamar said...

RPJ- ahem, the PACKAGING was blue, not the color itself. :)

Anonymous said...

Josh, as a former bride I think you should drop the whole hair/makeup debate with MB. She has enough on her mind to worry about at this point in time and arguing with her about this is probably not helping her mental well being. It's very sweet that you'd like her to look as she does on a date, but let's face it--this is a little more than just a date. Men do not understand that on your wedding day a hundred or so people will be staring at you and you want to look your best. You want people to say "wow!" when you walk down the aisle. I highly doubt that MB will allow a professional to go crazy with her hair or makeup. So, I suggest you be a good groom, smile sweetly and say "whatever makes you happy, honey" and pick another battle!

Tamar said...

Anyone else ever wonder if maybe sometimes Anonymous (like the one directly above) is really MB, or her Mom, or one of her friends?

(Aside from the fact that we're all her (web)friends)

Sorry, was just a funny thought that occured to me. :)

MB said...

Mais non, my minions are under instructions to always self-identify ;)

Josh The Pilot said...

Anon,
I control airplanes, not my bride.

Kate said...

And here I always thought Bartenders were bartenders for women : )

ShannJ said...

Good luck finding the right person to do your hair and makeup MB! I'm sure you'll look wonderful.

JTP - I'm going to have to agree with Anon #2 on this one. It's very sweet of you to love MB au naturale; however, stressing her out is probably not good. :-) Under the lights of a professional photographer, and all of those flashbulbs of friends and family, those of us who are already blessed with fair skin tend to come back looking pretty washed out in the final pictures. Professional makeup doesn't necessarily mean pancake makeup like an actress on TV, and I promise you will recognize MB. I had my wedding day makeup done over at the Clinique counter at Lazarus (now Macy's, dating myself) at Northgate Mall in Cincy. It was free, so long as I purchased at least one item (lip gloss and eyeshadow for reapplication throughout the day), and they practiced in advance. She tried about 20 eyeshadows on me during the practice run, and I got final say on the color. I assure you that it was all very tactful and my husband was definitely able to recognize me.

I've had makeup done as a bridesmaid for two subsequent weddings for about $15, and that was with the makeup artist coming to the brides home each time. In the long run, it's not too big of an expense. Hair costs a bit more, but not terrible, and it's totally worth it just to get that veil fastened in properly.

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