Monday, May 14, 2007

Railroaded

Everyone, I'd like you to meet the AutoTrain, America's most efficient manner of transporting old people and their cars. It is likely the only time you will ever see a Buick go anywhere over twenty miles an hour.

It's soooooooome happenin' way to travel.

But it's a very proper train...

...if a little frigid.

Friendboy Andy escorted me on the AutoTrain to DC, as he well knew that left to my own devices, I would likely misplace myself, the car, or the entire train; I'd fumble around various doors trying to find a bathroom, and suddenly find myself sucked right out and lying in a pile of pecans, mid-Georgia.

The station in Sanford looks like what might happen if an Amtrak executive sighed very heavily and said, "Well. We need a station here. I guess." Dirt was moved to make way for an actual paved road, then relocated to the gift shop. Andy and I stood in a long, bridge-playing line with the cast of Cocoon to pick up our tickets. The train was running late. This did not sit well the other passengers, who had condo board meetings to attend. Who was going to complain about people putting out garbage cans at 5:58 PM instead of 6 in their absence?

The Millennium Bridemobile departed The Swamp, Northern Edition, fully vacuum sealed like International Space Station cargo. Andy had to carry my wedding dress in his lap as we drove to the station. If he hadn't, either he or the dress would have had to experience a bumper tie-down, and I wouldn't have wanted to be in a position to make that decision. Andy's hair looks fantastic when the wind takes to it, is all I'm saying.

When a staff member drove the Bridemobile onto the railcar, I cautioned him to take care with my dress. I believe the words "die" and also "DIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE" were used.

He totally tried it on after he drove it onboard. I know it.

the "cast of Cocoon" line is Andy's at: mbe@drinktothelasses.com

6 comments:

Tamar said...

Thank you for reminding me that it was you. YOOOUUUUUUU!! Who got me addicted to RealityBlurred. Dang it! :)

Love your writing and love Friendboy Andy's writing, so no real harm done, I guess.

P.S. I love his Amazing Race coverage.

P.S.S.Shameless plug:
www.realityblurred.com

Josh The Pilot said...

MB has a natural talent for finding inappropriate signs. :) I laughed out loud, drawing the attention of a roomful of controllers.
Washington Center loves you!

red pill junkie said...

I'm pretty sure the good people of Pfizer will do something about removing that sign... ;-)

goodhair said...

I had to check out your blog because we have the same name. I hope you are a damn good writer just in case my old friends think that you are me. Or I am you.

MB said...

Hi, Mary Beth-- are you getting married soon and registered at Bed Bath and Beyond or Target? Or are you a runner? Because there's a runner Mary Beth, and several other MB's on the registry lists. Are you one of them? In any case, it's good to know that we're solid marathoners.

me-mo said...

It's good to know I'm not the only one with a penchant for getting lost. I can get lost in a trailer park where all drives eventually lead to the entrance. I once got lost at the mall. That may not sound bad, but the mall in my city pretty much has a JCPenney, an arcade, a teeny tiny bookstore with three magazines in it, a salon, and two music stores.

And I drive a Buick LeSabre. It rocks! Speed limits are relative, right? ;D

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