Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Workers in the Field

I have conducted an extensive investigation of Jim The Small Child Nephew's Easter basket.

"What did you find?" I asked him.

"Peeps."

The Risen Lord had provided Peeps! Jim discovered four. Every time he found one, he bit the head off, then abandoned it to find another, leaving a trail of decapitated Peeps in his wake. Oh, oh. The carnage. It's Tuesday, and the Red Cross just cleared out.

Part of the problem was that his parents had to hustle him and Will The Baby Nephew to Mass far earlier than usual, thanks to the HollyLillies, or as a former pastor of mine delicately termed it, "Catholics who only occasionally join us."

Occasionally is better than nothing, but perhaps some incentive is in order here. This is why Country The Brother-In-Law is a proponent of the Catholic Punch Card: Every week you come to Mass, you get a holy card punched, as for a free frozen yogurt, or submarine sandwich, and when Christmas and Easter roll around, you turn it in for preferred seating. The Occasional Joiners have two choices-- get up an hour early or stand. And lo, the faithful may enjoy their Peeps in peace.

green Peeps at: mbe@drinktothelasses.com

13 comments:

college gal said...

I love Peeps!

I had braces for ages and I was never allowed to have Peeps because they would get stuck in my braces giving me absolutely horrible cavities (or so my mother told me...)

Now that I can afford to buy my own food, somehow they just jump right into the shopping cart all by themselves :-D

MB said...

College gal, man, that's harsh. I went without gum for seven years-- at least I was allowed to have Peeps.

mike can't stand peeps said...

My mom got me these awesome low-carb candies she found on clearance. Normally, low-carb candies taste like drywall, even to someone who's lost their sugar tooth like me. But these were Russell Stovers, and those guys know chocolate. They are good.

The problem is, eating too much gives you certain, er, side effects. I shall not elaborate further.

Still worth it, though.

Kayla said...

As much as I enjoy chocolate bunnies this time of year, Peeps are my favorite candied Easter animals. :-)

Anonymous said...

I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw GREEN peeps around St. Patrick's Day this year. They successfully tackled Easter, then Halloween, and now St. Patrick's Day... The more peeps the merrier!

p.s. They're best if you let them get "stale" before you eat them. :)

Lisa said...

I like Country-the-Brother-in-Law's idea about punch cards. But one should lose points for peeling out of the parking lot afterwards as if Satan had suddenly discovered your whereabouts.

MB said...

Agreed. It should be stipulated that if you do the whole I Love Jesus, Just Not If Someone Is Tailgating Me thing, you lose your punch.

red pill junkie said...

Man, I DO hope Saint Peter does not use your method to assign cloud-vacancy on Paradise! ;-)

PS: But, really! Who am I kidding here? I shouldn't worry one bit because I'm POSITIVE Satan conducts some sort of Jeopardy-like contest in HIS neighborhood...

Katie said...

Calling the occassional joiners "HollyLillies" is so much nicer sounding than what we call them: "Chreaster" Catholics. But there's something about the word "Chreaster" that I like.

And I will happily back the idea of Catholic punch cards.

HelloBettyLou said...

I used to have to be the one to go early and hold seats for the fam. My advice, bring a book and hunker down.

MB said...

Peeps are to be eaten directly from a just-opened package. Jim takes after his great grandpa in his stale side of the Great Peep Debate.

classickelly21 said...

Catholics are not the only ones who could use those punch cards at holiday services.

I am not a huge peep fan but they should be open and sit for about 2 weeks before they are eaten.

Laney said...

We must all go here and worship:

www.marshmallowpeeps.com

Yes, I joined the fan club.

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