Things I Totally Want To Hear a NASCAR Driver Say, Post-Race

"We had a terrible car today."

"I drove like a fifteen-year-old on a methamphetamine IV out there."

"Well, I'm getting laid tonight whether I won or not, so frankly all this 'point standings' crap means absolutely nothing."

"My team sucks. I want them liquidated."

"I hate my sponsors. Especially Pepsi. Seriously, the vanilla kind tastes like a candle from the homegoods section at Wal-Mart. Sod off, Pepsi."

"Also Combos. Go to hell, Official Cheese-Filled Snack of NASCAR."

"That's not racing at all."

"Vestibular."

SAT words at: mb@blondechampagne.com