Thursday, March 08, 2007

Beans

Can somebody please explain coffee to me?

I like the smell, but it seriously tastes like yak diarrhea, and you pay four dollars a cup for the privilege. Then, you get addicted to it, so you can't start your day without your yak poop.

When I was working as a temp, one of my jobs was making the coffee, and it was this huge enormous delicate process governed over and worried about only slightly less than your average Eucharistic consecration. Like life isn't complicated enough without trying to precisely tear apart filters with barely-slitted eyes at six in the morning.

How does this start? I imagine it's like smoking, where you hang out in the break room and for business purposes need to join everybody else in saying "I NEED COFFEE. WHERE'S THE COFFEE? THIS COFFEE SUCKS. LET'S FIND SOME DECENT COFFEE."

cream and sugar at: mb@blondechampagne.com

17 comments:

Laney said...

WHAT? You don’t drink coffee? Coffee is the only reason I go to work in the morning. For Valentines Day my husband bought me a bag of ground CafĂ© Verona coffee from Star Bucks along with a mug that says, “Flirt” instead of buying me candy. And I LOVED IT! Seriously, try the White Chocolate Mocha from Star Bucks. It’s wonderful.

MB said...

But if it tastes like white chocolate, isn't that like saying, "Try this fuzzy navel! You can't taste the alcohol!" It's all about masking the yak.

Josh The Pilot said...

If it weren't for coffee, our nation's air traffic control system would come to a screeching halt. Although I have yet to be seduced by The Bean, most of my coworkers are thoroughly addicted. In fact, I dare not talk to my supervisor until he's had a cup of joe because without it he is impossible to deal with. At least he's nice enough to bring in Starbucks for everyone every once in a while.
With that said, I have been known to grab a french vanilla cappuccino on those days when I report to work at 7 a.m. after being there until 9 p.m. the night before. I know most airline pilots also require a kickstart in the morning.

SusannahS said...

Not a coffee drinker but my mother has it running through her veins. I'll admit that I'll sometimes be seduced the frozen sweet chocolatey thingies at Starbucks but never the actual coffee. However I do have an awesome collection of coffee mugs.

Em said...

I understand where you're coming from, MB. I believe that I've conditioned myself at this point to ignore any brain triggers that think it tastes bad. Due to laziness and constant lateness, I drink it black. It's far from stellar tasting, but gets the job done. I also second the white chocolate mocha from Starbucks, but also recommend a shot of peppermint. Tastes like a Junior Mint.

mike, automatic drip said...

I like the smell, but it seriously tastes like yak diarrhea, and you pay four dollars a cup for the privilege.

Stop going to Starbucks. Problem solved. I don't think I've ever paid more than $2 for coffee as a matter of principle.

At home, I usually brew my coffee very strong, because I dilute the crap out of it with cream and Splenda and I want it to have some taste. I know, I'm weird.

jcat said...

It's all about masking the yak. I drink coffee at work only because it's free caffine. I have to water it down and add coffee-mate (hazenutt or some other flavor, plain isn't enough, it has to be flavored) to make it drinkable. Seeing people drink coffee black makes me cringe (and I would NEVER pay $4 a cup for it).

Laney said...

Em, Mmmmm I must try the shot of peppermint! Sounds yummy.

JTP, The french vanilla cappuccino is good, but it's no WCM.

Samantha Leigh said...

Everyone has it wrong...WaWa coffee is what makes the world go 'round, not Starbucks. And, it's less than $2 a cup.

Speaking as a former intern whose said job it was to make the coffee for everyone in the office, I still cringe at the memory of my first time. The entire office was furious with me for making the coffee at 7:30am (when I got in) instead of 8:30am (when they got in). Cold coffee does not make a happy boss (or coworkers)!

Jenn said...

So I haven't tasted WaWa, therefore I will try not to be biased, but my theory is MB, you simply have not tried the right blend. You can drink coffee for under $2 a cup (any size) at Starbucks, too, everybody, as long as you drink COFFEE and resist masking it, as MB so astutely points out.

I have worked at the 'bucks for three years and counting, and I still subsist on not more than a "tall" cup of coffee a day. AND I love it. I will agree that it can be an acquired taste. Still, not like yak. Have you ever SMELLED yak butter? Gross!

As for making coffee for cranky coworkers, try getting up at 3.45 a.m. to make coffee for a third of the city.

(I know, you're all crying into your mugs right now.)

MB said...

It takes a special person to wake up the rest of us. 3:45 AM to go to a customer service job... augh, you're a better woman than I am :)

Jenn said...

But you're a funnier one. ;)

Monica said...

I just don't get coffee. Everything about it makes me angry. It smells bad. It stains things. It's a morning thing. It is HOT BEAN RESIDUE! UGH! No, I just don't get it.

DivineDivorcee said...

Here's where I make myself unpopular. Again.

I love coffee. Believe it or not, I will get decaf coffee, black; before I'll go without. For me it is the deep-seated need of yak-tasting caffeine: because I'll take coffee yak over redbull yak or mountain dew yak.

This condition started in college (lemme hear ya say YEAH! for pre-med majors!) and has flourished in the Seattle area. And yes, I go to big bucks (I have other social problems, too.)

That would be my weak support of coffee. Hooked on the bean, and I'm just certain that's what Wham! was talking about when they sang about setting the Monkey Free.

LiteraryAlchemist said...

"Everyone has it wrong...WaWa coffee is what makes the world go 'round, not Starbucks. And, it's less than $2 a cup."
-Samantha Leigh

I heard this time and again prior to my first visit to our offices in your neck of the woods. Craziest thing I'd ever heard "WaWa? What the..."

I've had their coffee a number of times, since. It's certainly better than the burned garbage that Starbucks foists upon us.

Personally, I prefer Seattle's Best. Unfortunately, it's not in abundant supply where I live.

classickelly21 said...

Samntha Leigh,

I am not a reguar coffee drinker but I live in the land of WaWas and that is the only coffee I will drink. I suppose if I didn't know any better I'd try something else but, just smelling the coffee bar somedays is enough.

cousin alicia said...

I'm a fan of Greyfriar's coffee, www.rarecoffee.com, they roast their beans in house, directly beneath my husband's office.

I love coffee, drink it everyday, but if I have to go one day without it, no big deal. Usually.

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