Tuesday, February 27, 2007

On Music

1) Jon Bon Jovi, let us discuss your recent single, "Who Says You Can't Go Home."

Like a blind dog without a bone
I was a gypsy lost in the twilight zone
I hijacked a rainbow and crashed into a pot of gold...

You... hijacked a rainbow?

I think I'm pretty safe in saying that the verbs like "hijack" shouldn't be seen anywhere near nouns like"rainbow." What lyrics did he reject in favor of hijacking a rainbow? "Kickboxed a puppy"? "Power-kneed Santa"? "Shived a unicorn"?

This is all the more upsetting that it comes from you, Jon. Anybody who soared to fame in a band containing a member named "Tico Torres" has no business anywhere near the word "rainbow."

2) Gwen Stafani, you are hereby sentenced to a five-year Shut Up for crimes committed by "The Sweet Escape."

The backbone of this song is, quote, "Whoo-hoo. YEE-ooh!" Clearly, the terrorists have won.

slash! at: mb@blondechampagne.com


Laney said...

See that’s what happens when rock stars try to go country. It’s never pretty.

Anonymous said...

This one caught the inside corner, clocked at 98 mph.

red pill junkie said...

We're waiting for an Oscar Review here... ;-)

Anonymous said...

Kinda hard to review that which one has not watched, rpj :)

SusannahS said...

That lyric reminds me of one of the sequels to "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz" in which Polychrome, the Rainbow's daughter slipped off her rainbow and landed in Oz. She befriend Dorothy and eventually danced her way back up the rainbow. There might have been a talking chicken involved---you never know with those Oz books.
I loved those books, so even tho it's way wrong to hijack rainbows, I have to say kudos to JBJ for bringing back a childhood memory.

the celina(s) said...

MB, I heart you! Though I do think your punishment for Ms. Stefani came about two years too late. I was ready to silence her after "Rich Girl." Fiddler on the Roof + rap = pain and suffering all around.

Anonymous said...

Yeah but it's got a catchy beat and it's really fun to dance to... oh wait you're not Dick Clark. Never mind. It sucks.

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