Wednesday, December 06, 2006


I'm going to be flying a lot in the New Year (yay!) with people other than me (boo.) In this I lament not only such delightful fellow passengers as Freaky the Aisle Partner; I mean the dedicated professionals bent on sending me through international terminals in my socks.

When I returned from France to The Swamp, my connection out of Atlanta allowed me grand total of four minutes to clear customs. This did not, for some reason, pan out. I had to go through security twice, declare the single, highly dangerous bottle of Champagne I was carrying in quadruplicate, and shoot off for my connecting flight in my socks. Shoes are for people with competent travel agents.

I missed the Swamp connection, which landed me on standby. Flying standby was like the NFL draft, or election night; the wretched and the stranded watched our names edge upward on a flat screen anchored on the ceiling, and when we reached the top of the list, we were permitted to board. "I WIN!!" I thundered when Ellis, M. staggered across Cana. The gate attendant was not amused. She did not win; she had to stay in Atlanta, in the airport, all day.

"Anyone not going to Florida, you are now. The door is closed," the flight attendant said as the plane began to roll. I rolled too, into the fetal position.

on the aisle at:


Long time reader said...

I love that Flying Home post...made me laugh then, and again today. It's 2 for the price of one day at Blonde Champagne!!

Josh The Pilot said...

To anyone flying anywhere along the East Coast, my co-workers and I will be safely guiding you to your destination. Blue Skies!

Anonymous said...

My sister & I flew to Vegas a few years ago and I had the window seat & she had the middle seat so that meant there was a stranger in the aisle seat. He had the absolute worst breath you could imagine! I could smell it all the way over in the window seat! I'd take creepy goth guy any day over Bad BReath Man!

Anonymous said...

"I just want to tell you both good luck. We're all counting on you."

"Joey, have you ever been to a Turkish prison?"

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