Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Polls

ELECTION NEWS UPDATE!!

With 0% of all precincts reported in, I completely and utterly don't care about this election.

I haven't followed it at all. I have a me-intensive book to sell, and I remain burned out from '04. My former polisci classmates are emailing me like, "Webb is down 17,000 early on, trending red!" and I'm all, "Wait. Webb is the... guy with... the... election? Thing?" You look back at my posts two years ago, how I wrote on every pieceofcrap political upheaval to rear its insignificant head. And now, MB 2006: Look! It's a two-year-old lying on the floor!

Let us have a moment, however, for an enormous amount of applause for Cincinnati congressman Steve Chabot (R-Combover), the man I helped to elect thirteen years ago, for awesomely attempting to vote without proper ID. Steve! I'm so very glad I plummeted hours and hours and hours of my high school life into stuffing self-stick envelopes for you. It's paying off huge dividends.

I don't know what the big issue is where you live, but here in The Swamp, Northeastern Sector, we are hotly contesting the question of if the Volusia County Home Rule Charter should be amended so that, and I quote, "the at-large council member shall serve as the vice chair of the county council instead of council election of a vice chair." I don't think I have to tell you how flamingly important this is to the future of our nation. If we have another Civil War, it will not be over abortion or pop vs. soda, but... whether or not the at-large council member shall serve as the vice chair of the county council instead of council election of a vice chair. Next election cycle: Taco salad vs. grilled cheese on Fridays at Port Orange Middle School.

This was one of the easier-to-understand amendments. I have a four year degree in political science, okay, and I had to stand there and read some of these issue proposals about 90 times before I sorted out what, exactly, I was voting on: "Okay, so if I vote... yes, that means that the amendment doesn't not pass, and all the manatees die, and if its... no, the financial bond is optioned to a referendum in the state Senate, which leaves the Trade Federation still in control of Naboo's shipping routes."

Oh, and I need to report an incident of voter intimidation and vote-fixing. This is the first election that has taken place since I moved, so I had a new polling place and voter card and chads to not understand and everything. And I rolled up on the precinct, and walked in the door, and the poll workers, who came with Florida when it was originally incorporated into the nation, could not find me in the ledger.

I was made to sit in a folding chair while all the voters around me busted about with their ballots in their Official Election Cardboard Folders, Sponsored by OfficeMax. My driver's license was taken; I was read my former address in Orlando and asked if I still lived there. Yep! Just driving down the beach an hour away from my residence in office clothes at seven in the morning, and thought I'd stop in and vote.

I had the first four numbers of the Voter Fraud hotline dialed when I was summoned forth. "Young woman?"

"What!"

"You came in the wrong door. Your precinct is voting across the hall."

Quote of the night, courtesy of Glenn Beck: "Ohio is becoming France."

My people! Alert the geese!

continuing to pet my "I Voted" sticker at: mb@blondechampagne.com

25 comments:

susan said...

I got called "Hey Lady!" just outside the elecioneering border.
Some fourth grader wanted me to sign a petitiion asking for more books without words, porn access or cake.
I signed: Marie Antionette.
The kid thanked Antione for signing.
Tumbril=bound

Cbell said...

Aww... and see... I just had my best election day experience as I took my eldest niece to vote for the first time and we stood in line outside, in the cold rain, under an umbrella too small for the both of us, and I was so proud of her I could have cried.

But I didn't. Because I'm the cool aunt, and not at all that sentimental. Really.

the celina(s) said...
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the celina(s) said...
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the celina(s) said...

I was petting my "I Voted Today" sticker, too. Until I looked closer and saw the words "Phoenix Association of REALTORS" printed on the bottom (yes, realtors is in all caps). My heart broke just a little bit.

Leddy said...

I took my boys with me, 2.5 and 5 years old, to vote. I really enjoyed explaining the democratic process to my eldest and watching the totally confused look come over his face. Especially when explaining how and idiot will be 40% of the vote because the rest of the voters can't come together and will split their vote amongst 3 others candidates including one man who wants to legalize pot and appoint Willie Nelson to his cabinet. Then I had to explain that he didn't want to put a man in his cabinet (pantry or cupboard)...well, it got really out hand and quite complicated from there...LOL. Oh well, he got go see all the new fancy voting machines while the youngest ran around my legs singing "mommy look!"

Leddy said...

Oh, and here in Tejas, we don't get any cool stickers...I feel left out.

MB said...

My mom used to take me to the polls with her when I was little. It was in some lady's basement. She gave me apple slices. This all has the makings of some horrible fairy tale, and indeed, I grew up to become a political science major.

mike, rockin' the vote said...

I didn't get an "I Voted" sticker or pin. I was highly disappointed.

However, I did have some fun with some of the downticket candidates where the incumbent was running unopposed. I wrote myself in for county commissioner, and on the rest of them I voted straight ticket for Sesame Street.

Somehow though, I don't think Snuffleupagus has enough juice to get his write-in campaign for county sherriff to be victorious.

Rachel said...

Oh, leddy. How I wished I had still been in Texas for that one. I kind of wish pot/Willie Nelson guy had one, if only for the opportunity to say things like, "Viva Kinky!"

tamar said...

I think that those of us not receiving a sticker or a pin, should revolt! Look at this gross injustice! How dare they give them to some, but not all!!

Iwantarecount@where'sMYsticker.com

tamar said...

Ooops! Forgot this:

;)

red pill junkies said...

Did any of you guys have problems with those new electronic ballots?

grammar_queen said...

I had to wait until after work to vote, so I don't know if they had stickers and ran out or if they didn't have them at all. I'm definitely joining the no-sticker revolt.

Miasys said...

I didn't get a sticker, either. However, one of the candidates running for State Rep in my district was actually outside my polling place (my son's school- which I think is a terrible place to vote, but that's another issue entirely...) but she was too busy yapping at the opposing party to pester us voters, so it was kinda interesting to be ignored in person for a change. (Which is why I voted for the other guy.) Here in MO we at least had an interesting race and decent turnout this time around.

jenn_g said...

I must say, as MB's sister Twentysomething author and Blonde Champagne's requisite Dem, that the results of this election are startling. Can you believe they already got rid of Rumsfeld?
-Avoiding work and watching election coverage, Jenn

Josh The Pilot said...

I didn't get a sticker, 'cause I voted absentee last week. They should include a sticker with the ballot when they mail it out.
In other news... I PASSED MY TEST today! This means I'm a "real" controller now!

my kidz mom said...

JTP, here in AZ you DO get a sticker when you vote absentee, like I did. And BTW, congratulations on achieving controllerhood!

jcat2323 said...

JTP: Congrads, now it's on to the "real" job. : )

ShannJ said...

Congratulations JTP!

I voted (after waiting in line with my 2 year old - who was very patient by the way - for over an hour), and I did get a sticker for my efforts. Or rather, Sean got a sticker for my efforts. He deserved it for how well he behaved.

Work was a very interesting place today. I work with way too many liberal Democrats, and they gloated a lot.

ShannJ said...

Oh, and I used to vote with my parents in a neighbor's basement as well. No apples that I can recall though. :-)

Katie said...

I didn't get a sticker! All I got at my polling place was the official people telling the people in line to stop talking so loud because other official people couldn't hear the voters' names being yelled across the gymnasium for some random reason.

This time around, we were stuck with the ballots that remind me of standardized tests. Fill in the oval COMPLETELY. If you make a mistake, you are a moron and must ask for a new ballot in front of everyone in line.

Hollee Chadwick said...

MB--I thought of you when Chabot won--truly the only high point in the whole election night. How you doing girl? Remembered your blog name and found you--doing my happy dance now. Love you mucho.

MB said...

The long lost Ms. Chadwick!! How great to see you again-- happy dance right back atcha :)

Jenib said...

Congratulations JTP!

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