Wednesday, October 04, 2006


I would like you to meet the bathroom of the corporate hotel in Monte Carlo.

It was truly a bathroom to cross an ocean for, quite easily larger and with better electronic equipment than my entire apartment (it had a flat screen TV. In the bathroom.) The Hotel de Paris is serious about ensuring that even the turds of its guests enjoy a luxurious existence.

This, for instance, is the floor:

Marble tile. Okay? In a mosaic. On the floor of the bathroom.

See also my feet in their momentarily complimentary slippers, which I found awesome until it turned out that if you took them home, the hotel would charge you like eighteen trillion dollars. Suddenly they weren't so fluffy.

Here is a wide angle view of the entire room. I couldn't quite get the polo pony, the Olympic swimming lane, and the Ferris wheel in the frame:

What's behind the frosted door, you ask? Well! This:

Now, I'm a very sophisticated lady, so I knew what this was. It was a friend for the toilet, which was facing directly opposite. I thought this tremendously thoughtful of Monaco, to give my toilet a friend there in that enormous bathroom where it would otherwise be very lonely. So I turned on the tap full force, just to see what would happen, and what happened was an enormous fountain of water that indeed arced directly into the toilet. I watched in fascination for a while, then shut it off, because there was no music to go with the water show, as there is at EPCOT. Still! A water show, in my very own bathroom! I didn't even have change from my nasty airplane clothes. Euros well spent, Sponsoring Company. Euros well spent.

you haven't lived until you've seen The Simpsons, in French, in the bathroom at:


mike, professional nincompoop said...


The bathrooms in the Main Building at Camelot (for you non-initiated, that's Notre Dame's "Golden Dome" building) were famously voted the best bathrooms in America.

These French water closets are even better than that.

I demand ND renovate the bathrooms in the Main Building. We can't be upstaged by a bunch of Frenchies.

red pill junkie said...

Wow! Carrara marble, venecian tiles, frosted-glass doors...Eventhough the end result it's not my style (I'm more of a minimalist, international style type) I can certainly appreciate the luxury and the attention to detail these guys put in their guests' bathrooms. The flat screen was also a nice touch.

I just gotta ask, what kind of chocolates did the maid put on top of the pillow every night?

MB said...

First night was chocolate covered almonds in a little tin. Then, chocolate covered PEANUTS every night after that. I'm not exactly sure how to feel about this, that I got downgraded to the peanuts, but as long as the filling wasn't the interior of waterfowl, I was happy.

Mostly I was happy with the little tins. I kept those to help sort my jewlery so's it doesn't get tangled in one big fake-silver knot.

Rochelle said...

I can't believe it! I was browsing my college bookstore and I saw your book sitting on the shelf. I got really excited seeing it in real life like that.

MB said...

Rochelle, really?! That's awesome! Thanks so much for telling me. Would you mind emailing me and letting me know where you go to school?

This is awesome. Now I'm able to warp the minds of students I'm not even teaching.

Dantelope said...

Hrmmm. Just about every bar in town here has a flat screen in the bathroom. That's not sophisticated.

Sophisticated would be if, after you were done doing your business, it had your "samples" analyzed and let you know that you needed to eat more greens, drink less beer, do less drugs, and, oh, by the way, you're pregnant and it's going to be a girl.

Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. Oompah loompah!

red pill junkie said...

dantelope, I think they are working on a prototype in Tokyo ;-)

Jcat2323 said...

So what's french for "D'oh"?

Jenib said...

ROFLMAO at your comments on the bidet....lolol

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