Tuesday, October 03, 2006


The EPCOT Food and Wine Festival began this weekend, and so I must pause and pay hail to the mighty Flipper, gone from The Swamp but forever remembered as fellow explorer of the Worst. Downtown. Ever.

Of the four of us who met as Mondavi educators--G-Force and Oogie are the other two--Flipper is the first to depart the scene of the wine. She has returned to her ancestral home of Dayton. So we celebrated by cramming small boxes of candy cigarettes into our racks and ordering drinks the color of traffic cones. Flipper is that kind of friend.

As we can see in the photo evidence at right, the tradition continued right up until our final evening out together. Note the beer-holding frateous touristus, male of a species indigenous to Florida. This picture was taken perhaps four seconds after he said the following:

"Are you a lucky charm? Because you look magically delicious."

Also depicted here in Oogie, bearing the Official Expression of WTF.

Flipper and I will remain friends, of course, but one cannot replace on the phone what has been hard-won in many, many hours of live Star Wars viewing and hair fluffing. I have lost count of the times we have visited the ladies room together. Women are physically unable to bond otherwise.

We have all moved on to other jobs, larger apartments, but it requires a special bond to be able to take in an entire bar at a glance and pinpoint the exact moment at which you will begin to look approachable to the guy in the corner currently in deep conversation with his shot glass.

The two of us were one another's weekend dates for three years; the combined total of losers left in our Margaritaville wake could re-take Yorktown. I don't think she liked me when we first met; she says I rather frightened her. So you see, Flipper is to be commended for her utterly spot-on character judging.

This is the type of relationship I never thought I would have. It took until I was a decade out of college, but I finally found the friend I needed in high school.

Hug one another, ye women, for the bond of lip gloss and enormous earrings is one not to be mocked.

Warm waters, dear Flipper, and may the men of sideways sunvisors dance far, far away from you. I'll see you at the next fermentation and harvest.

estrogen special at: mb@blondechampagne.com


mike, candyass marlboro man said...

Are those the candy cigarettes in question being guarded by The Rack?

I haven't even SEEN candy cigarettes in ages. I suddenly want one. Actually, I'd like the whole pack.

MB said...

They're Round Ups, and the first one's free.

Anonymous said...

Okay, the "lucky charm" pick-up line is probably the absolute worst one I've ever heard. I've told 4 women in my office about it and they all gagged. How did you not laugh in the guy's face?

MB said...

You see Oogie? That's how we looked. And he was so earnest about it too, like he honestly believed this was the best! pickup line! ever!

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