Friday, September 29, 2006

Trojan Appetizers

One of my Official Return To Land of Applebee's Acts is to check my credit card statement, because I used it for the few souvenirs I bought in France, and there was a "conversion fee" associated with the tremendous effort involved in figuring how many billion dollars were required to equal one Euro. At the moment I am attempting to untangle just how it came about that I dropped $17.49 at an establishment listed on my transaction record as "Ass M De Sully, PARIS."

It's easier than identifying the pictures, which, thanks to the fact that I am basically the only person left on Earth still using actual film, I can only afford to develop a roll at a time. So for the next few weeks it's going to be this grab-bag of cathedrals and friezes.

Fortunately the very first roll that I happened to develop was the one with the mimes:

This was how the appetizers were delivered to us at one of the dinners. The mimes walked these little carts all over the restaurant, and we were afraid to approach for far more than the usual reasons that people tend to decline to get anywhere near a mime. They made a great show of pointing at and spreading their hands before the food, which consisted largely of hairy fish and thingy-intense spreads on little bits of cracker.

These were the more appetizing appetizers. Frankly the inclusion of mimes made us hardly less wary of the pre-food food-- not after the Incident of the Trojan Candies.

We were docked on the Seine, and waiters came trotting around with little chocolate candies, and we crowded around the silver trays, simply beside ourselves: Chocolate! If there's one thing the French can beat, it's an egg into a sugar-laden batter!

One man was wise: "I... don't know," he said as I gazed at one in my palm. "Might be a Trojan chocolate. You have no idea what might be inside there."

This theory was boosted by what I saw out of the corner of my eye, which was a small piece of chocolate sailing over the side of the boat. So I performed the patented Russell-Stover Crush, in which I surreptitiously mash a piece of candy just enough so that I can see what's inside, but not so much that somebody else might notice.

What oozed out the bottom of the candy was an entirely unknown substance, so I what I did next, which was to lick it, was perhaps not the most advisable thing.

You know... chocolate is a very delicious thing, and I am told that goose liver pate is also delicious, but one inside the other, not so much.

"I told you," said my fellow traveller. "Trojan."

I placed my appetizer on the railing of the boat and flicked. Thus I too made a solid contribution to the ecosystem of the Seine.

don't eat the second course either at: mb@blondechampagne.com

9 comments:

Dantelope said...

Fortunately the very first roll that I happened to develop was the one with the mimes

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anything but the mimes! You are evil incarnate. You have mingled with mimes. Please shower multiple times before posting again.

mike, certifiably in-seine said...

I'm sure nobody noticed.

Not the smashing thing; I mean the puke in the river. Nobody noticed.

amy lou the reader said...

You know... chocolate is a very delicious thing, and I am told that goose liver pate is also delicious, but one inside the other, not so much. Thus it was that I too made a solid contribution to the ecosystem of the Seine.

We who are pregnant and eating food blander than cotton balls salute you for that great description of food that should probably be outlawed.

No wonder they held this event on the Seine. Easier than cleaning up bag upon bags of disgusting Trojan candies. I bet the fish eat very well.

Doddy said...

Why do you hate (or perhaps dilike) mimes so? I am personally not a mime fan, but I have to say they don't inspire much in the way of 'Burn them all' feelings in me.

Jcat2323 said...

Never had a problem with mimes, but clowns creap me out. Probably has something to do with Pennywise from Stephen King's IT. Uber creapy.

Jcat2323 said...

And you know there's a serious problem when a country can't get chocolate right.

red pill junkie said...

Ha Ha ha! It must be fate, my good ol' dantelope ;-)

You know, I may sound pretentious, but I do have to side with the french when it comes to food. You americans are just way too limited to the flavours and combinations you are willing to try. Not so in Mexico and the rest of Latin America, that's why we invented "Mole" (and no, it's not a subterranean rodent or something like that!), which is poultry covered with a sauce made out with dark chocolate and several kinds of hot peppers. Delicious!

http://www.mexicoclasico.com/comida-.htm

Dantelope said...

doddy, this is why

red pill junkie said...

So THAT explains it!

Dantelope, you don't fear mimes...

You fear ALIENS (the gray ones to be exactly) ;-)

3:00 am is their FAVORITE time to go sneaking onto people's houses and play tricks on folks. Read all about in Whitley Strieber's books.

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