Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Eggs, It's Time For Your Close-Up

Business Trip! To! France! countdown continues. I packed today. All the fluorescent tube tops, into the suitcase! Tshirts with enormous American flags and the words "IF YOU DON'T LOVE IT, YOU CAN JUST GIT OUT" emblazoned over the boobs, carefully folded! Bedazzled fanny packs, packed packed packed! France will love me.

As part of my preparation, I got a Rick Steves DVD from Netflix. Have you met Rick? Rick has a website entitled "Europe Through the Back Door." That's pretty much all you need to know about Rick.

In the DVD, delicately scored by a porn soundtrack specialist, Rick stomped around Paris in the world's most unironed pants, arming himself with the most unattractive people in all of France to plop next to in various cafes. This appalled me, but not as much as when one of my friends pointed out that these could very well be the most attractive people he found.

Rick also enjoyed parlez-ing at various wincing farmers and winemakers, hauling them away from their livlihoods to give him and his wrinkled mass of Dockers directions. Oh, and he bought some apples and included, as part of his coverage of the most important aspects of the entire nation and culture of France, an extremely detailed, unnarrated sequence on the construction of an omelet.

The most important thing about France to remember, Rick says, is that we are "not to judge" and that we must "absorb, accept, and learn." Because that's exactly how Europe feels about America! He winds this up with the cheerful announcement that while Americans may have heard that the French are rude, he's found that's not the case, and anyone can find nice people in Paris "if you really look." Which must be true, if he made it out of the country without being severely beaten and bartered for further apples. Sorry 'bout Rick, France.

you got any of that european money at: mb@blondechampagne.com

20 comments:

Doddy said...

Just an FYI - don't call it a fanny pack in Europe.

MB said...

Yeah, that's what I hear. Apparently "fanny" means... something else entirely 'cross the pond.

Scott Arthur Edwards said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
the buxom wench said...

Happy travels, MB :).

PS: HAve posted some pics I took at Aussie Zoo last year if you fancy a peek :).

mike, who is not making this up said...

That guy looks like Dave Barry. So this post was kind of a letdown.

Jenib said...

Check the word "Business"...

I hope you have a great time in Paris.

MB said...

Thanks Jeni-- so checked :)

Carrie said...

I went to Paris with Mercy and had no problems, even with my backpack worn on my front with a lock on it and the key pinned to my bra . . . just try to speak french and they will laugh at you and take mercy on you and speak english - you have to go to momartra (sp?) (it's the one that looks like the animal house at the zoo) - I had a sketch done there and I still love it to this day.

And remember - they don't call them quarter pounders . . .

MB said...

Thanks, ladies-- TBW, I'm so glad you posted those pics. The Zoo is every bit as beautiful as I thought it would be.

Ginny said...

Two things I need to do everyday before I start my workday is to check Blonde Champagne and Rick Steves for anything new. I love you both. Rick's France stuff isn't as interesting as his other info - watch his dvd's for Italy or Amsterdam. The guy is a hoot. You're a hoot. I think you'll like him more if you give him another chance. Also, his book Postcards from Europe is a great read.

red pill junkie said...

Accept the fact, for example, that people in Europe don't regard showering daily all that important... and that french men think women who have more hair in their armpits than them are HOT.

Absorb... all you can inside the subway!! ;-)

red pill junkie said...

PS: Hey buxom wench, are you gonna attend the memorial service at the A. Zoo?

MB said...

Well, ginny, if he's a friend of yours, I suppose I can try to make him a friend of mine :)

lina the reader said...

Oooh, I heart France. And I heart MB. So MB + France = I wish were going, too.

I had a great experience in France. Everyone was really nice and very welcoming. Just make sure you have change on you so you can use the public restrooms. Some of them charge you. I know that was the case in Paris. I don't know if it applies to Nice, but it's good to be prepared. Oh, and drink lots of Orangina because it's yummy.

HelloBettyLou said...

Take me with you!

MB said...

One of my students gave me that gem of advice today, lina. Definitely one I'll be following-- thanks :)

the buxom wench said...

Glad you liked 'em, MB :).

Heya Red Pill :). No, sadly I'm not able to go - I dearly wish to, but I am on a clinical placement that's non-negotiable regarding time off for my nursing studies all this week :(.

red pill junkie said...

Too bad. Nevertheless the pics you took were awesome. Australia Zoo seems so nice and lush, I'm beginning to think that if you behave really REALLY well in this life, God will reward you by reencarnating into one of their crocodiles :-)

the buxom wench said...

What a reincarnation that would be, Red Pill, if indeed it took place at Aussie Zoo :).

"Lush" is truly the word for the place - it feels like one has wandered into a natural reserve which, no doubt, was the whole intent :). I spent our whole day there utterly enraptured by the latter and filled with such wonder at both its beauty and the beauty of the heart of the man that conceived and "birthed" it :).

the buxom wench said...

PS: "... delicately scored by a porn star specialist ..." ... I just re-read that and now I'm laughing AND have "BOM-chicka-BOW, BOM-chicka-BOW" running in my head ;).

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